I do not understand why people get remarried

[OGM]

I know people in my State that were on such good terms they got a simple $400 divorce with no drama.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I know people in my State that were on such good terms they got a simple $400 divorce with no drama.

Ours was $153, he filled out the papers, we signed them in front of a notary, we waived our trial, saying we'd agreed on everything, he filed on I think was a Wednesday and on Monday we got in the mail that we were divorced the previous Friday.

I may have the days wrong, but the point is that he filed and we were divorced less than a week later. No arguments, no nothing. We agreed completely on everything and that was that. No fighting, just a couple texts back and forth about who wanted what, which was like:

"do you want the car or the truck"
"I'd prefer the car"
"Ok, I'll make payments on it still since it's in my name"
"Ok, then I'll take myself off the cell phone bill next month or the month after"
"Sounds good, you want me to pay the insurance on the car or is it cheaper if it's under you?"
"I think it's cheaper under you, but I can still pay it, I'll just put money in our old joint account."
"Ok. What about the house?"
"I can't afford it, you can have it."
"Do you want your portion of the downpayment back?"
"No, I don't need it. It's such a hassle."
"Ok, well then I'll pay the insurance and you can stay on the phone bill and I'll pay for the car, does that sound even?"
"Sure, works for me"

Literally, it was that easy.

 

[bhsmte]

Unbelivers do this and they don't know better. Christians remarry divorced people all the time and they should know better. The Bible clearly says if you marry a divorced person you have committed adultery. I could not, in good conscience, marry a divorced person, especially if they had kids.

Then follow your conscience, is anyone pressuring you to do otherwise?

I have yet to meet a christian that follows all the guidance written in the bible, including the pieces the bible states you should not engage in. Some christians hang there hat on certain pieces, while they ignore other portions of the book out of convenience.

 

[bhsmte]

I know people in my State that were on such good terms they got a simple $400 divorce with no drama.

Where you aware divorce rates for christians is higher than non-believers?

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.co...ce-less-than-christians/news/2013/07/02/70328

 

[bachatagirl]

Hi,,i recently remarried,,,,,,,, my now ex husband committed adultery for the 16 yrs we were together I was terribly unhappy I tried to reconcile with him but he never talked to me again until the day in divorce court I am a Christian he is not, ,my Pastor said a Christian can divorce on grounds of adultery,,it says so in the Bible
it is also ok to remarry in these cases so when I met my current husband we did marry,, we are both Christians ,,,i believe its ok in these situations,,God said it is not good to be alone

 

[Svt4Him]

Unbelivers do this and they don't know better. Christians remarry divorced people all the time and they should know better. The Bible clearly says if you marry a divorced person you have committed adultery. I could not, in good conscience, marry a divorced person, especially if they had kids.

The bible clearly teaches that the believe you're teaching here is a doctrine of the devil.

I could not in clear conscience let any person marry you either.

 

[Messy]

Unbelivers do this and they don't know better. Christians remarry divorced people all the time and they should know better. The Bible clearly says if you marry a divorced person you have committed adultery. I could not, in good conscience, marry a divorced person, especially if they had kids.

Depends, you can't if there was no Biblical reason and if it's possible that they can reconcile. If the exhusband is remarried, I don't see why his exwife can't remarry, because it's not the unforgiveable sin. In the Old Testament they got stoned with adultery, now we died with Christ. Paul told the divorced men they could marry. But I'm not going to remarry, I asked God, but He said: Marry Me, time is short, they were marrying and giving into marriage.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I remember when I was much younger and inexperienced thinking that depressed people just needed to get right with God and ask him for help, etc. I remember having some similar thoughts about divorced people too.

You need to know the scripture, have some life experience and have compassion on the other sinners around you and apply the scriptures after studying the Bible with direction from other scholars.

Does God hate divorce? Absolutely. Does God want us to lust and/or engage in fornication? No. Did God create us with sex drives? Yes. Do the math. There are injured spouses out in the world whose marriages ended through no fault of their own.

There are also many "Christians" getting divorced just like the world and refusing to allow God to reign in their life or decisions they make when they don't like His answer. Please don't lump everyone into the same category. My church that I have been attending for approx. 6 years is very strict and Biblical. They only allow remarriage in the case of desertion or adultery. Everyone is required to attend a group class then couple counseling with a pastor until the pastor is convinced you should marry. My husband and I were engaged for a year before we got approval. The pastor contacted my husband's baby mama to make sure he was ok for me. (He found out she was a crazy lunatic and had trouble getting her to stop calling).

It is preferable to only to have one relationship that leads to marriage; it is also very rare. It is a crying shame when kids have to see their parents divorced. It's not supposed to be like that. I didn't grow up in the church I now attend. If I had, my life would've been very different. My kids are being raised with some radically different ideas about dating after some of the books I've read and teaching I've heard. I hope they will not have to deal with the issues that I have.

 

[russianorth]

In the real world not everyone has infinite options in a mate, in fact many people have VERY limited options. So you either settle for what is available or you resign to go on being single. Some people have the gift of being single and the vast majority do not.

I think the "deep" theological debates are kind of cute because in reality these sorts of situations are actually very simple and not complicated at all. Sure if your 16 you might have a shot of finding a virgin girl and doing the whole virgin marriage and live the brady bunch life. But if you find yourself single even as early as mid 20's most people are not virgins and quite a few people have kids so your options of a virgin woman just went through the floor.

Back in bible times the culture did not allow for the things that happen in US culture so people did not have to deal with such issues. But here we are 20th century feminist America, if you don't want to be celibate you have to deal with it.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

---edit---
Erased my message and turned it into my sig. Sometimes the this marriage section really makes me wonder about where christianity is going.

 

[russianorth]

---edit---
Erased my message and turned it into my sig. Sometimes the this marriage section really makes me wonder about where christianity is going.

It can only go as far as the law will allow. When dealing with other people (especially people who have been burned before) have to do something to protect themselves from exploitation. It is really nothing more than that.

We are not a Christian nation and there is no way the femist movement will ever allow the laws to go back to the way they were way back in the day. Women LOVE the way marriage is today, if they are happy they stay, if not they walk away with cash and prizes and have a new man lined up in a month or sometimes less if they are even half way decent looking. In the USA they don't have to be in the top 1% looks wise to swing vine to vine.

Its why some of the remaining few true Christians are opting out of legal marriage, especially the men.

 

[OGM]

Good points...many singles are quite afraid of marriage.

 

[bachatagirl]

I did not believe in divorce either and I had ever inyention to stay married to my now ex husband even though he was an unbeliever but he didn't feel the same,,,,,he decided I wasn't what he wanted without telling me,,so he committed adultery on me several several times until the last one which is where I found out,,,i hoped to work things out with him,,,he didn't want to,,,so I had no option but to divorce,,,, it devastated me for quite awhile,,i love being married,,,,God placed a wonderful loving man of God in my God together in Celebrate Recovery,,,,,i truly believe in cases where one of the partner has no ontention of reconciliation divorce is ok,,especially in cases od adultery,,,,broken trust is a big problem in relationships,,,i believe God has blessed me for remaining faithful...thank you

 

[russianorth]

I did not believe in divorce either and I had ever inyention to stay married to my now ex husband even though he was an unbeliever but he didn't feel the same,,,,,he decided I wasn't what he wanted without telling me,,so he committed adultery on me several several times until the last one which is where I found out,,,i hoped to work things out with him,,,he didn't want to,,,so I had no option but to divorce,,,, it devastated me for quite awhile,,i love being married,,,,God placed a wonderful loving man of God in my God together in Celebrate Recovery,,,,,i truly believe in cases where one of the partner has no ontention of reconciliation divorce is ok,,especially in cases od adultery,,,,broken trust is a big problem in relationships,,,i believe God has blessed me for remaining faithful...thank you

How much time had passed between your divorce and the time you found your new guy?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It can only go as far as the law will allow. When dealing with other people (especially people who have been burned before) have to do something to protect themselves from exploitation. It is really nothing more than that.

We are not a Christian nation and there is no way the femist movement will ever allow the laws to go back to the way they were way back in the day. Women LOVE the way marriage is today, if they are happy they stay, if not they walk away with cash and prizes and have a new man lined up in a month or sometimes less if they are even half way decent looking. In the USA they don't have to be in the top 1% looks wise to swing vine to vine.

Its why some of the remaining few true Christians are opting out of legal marriage, especially the men.

I think the problem isn't that marriage is being degraded. It's that some people allow their own views of marriage to become degraded, then blame that poor mindset on others, absolving themselves of taking any sort of effort to fix their mentality. For example, here's somebody who thinks marriage is flawed and blames feminism, even going so far as to say that the only solution is to cancel out feminism, acknowledging that isn't going to happen. That acknowledgment basically is the build in excuse for not trying to seek a better understanding or opinion of marriage as a whole. For him, the value of marriage is determined by something other than him, and because he's willfully given away his power, he's excused his apparent lack of effort in improving himself and quelling negativity that apparently has evolved to define the whole of marriage and a significant chunk of women to be unfavorable.

As a woman who's, for some baffling reason, been called a "feminist" with the same venom that one uses when they utter an obscenity or accuse somebody of being racist, I have to say that yes, I am glad that women can get divorces. Obviously as a divorced woman myself, I seeing being able to take control of my own marital life as being a good thing and not a bad thing (though in the spirit of full disclosure my ex physically filed because his post-separation home was closer to the court for the county we lived than mine and because I couldn't afford the filing fees, though our paperwork said it was a "joint, uncontested petition to dissolve marriage," which it was). But you know... The fact I got divorced, that my husband now has been divorced... It means absolutely nothing to the value of our marriage or marriage in general. The marital behaviors of others, of society, others in the US, others in the world, none of that factors in to what determines the value of my marriage. That comes from one and only fountain, and that fountain's source is that space occupied by me and my husband.

Tomorrow, the whole of femaledom could leave their husbands, divorce them. Marriage could be abolished. Marriage could be opened up to allow more inclusion through the recognition of same-sex marriage. Marriage could just a business arraignment. People can do it for money, citizenship, or because they got really hammered in Vegas and it seemed like a good thing to do. People can have open marriages, long term relationships with no marriage... Absolutely, positively none of it has any impact on how my marriage is rooted, how I view marriage, or how I view my marriage. Why? Because the roots of how I define the importance of a marital bond come from me, and I live it accordingly. As a result I reap all the benefits of a great marriage, a great outlook on marriage, and full control of the determination of value to what matters to me.

Sure, I could sit here and wail about men who marry their starter wife and build off of her then divorce her for another woman to step into the life the first wife carved. Yeah, I could rant about unfaithful men. I can point fingers at the guys who jump through women like I change my pants, marry and divorce then feel scandalized that the woman they chose to build a life with has the gall to think she deserves something out of their mutual marriage than lost years and walking papers.

But you know what? I don't. Because none of the behavior of others comes back to define what my marriage means to me. Because of that, I can demonstrate quite clearly to the world just exactly how much I value my marriage and... Guess what? Cultivate that respect that I've sown, regardless of what the marriage of anybody else is or isn't doing.

Looking at these couples who've hit their 30, 40, 50 years, I've never once seen one that said "If it weren't for feminism, we could celebrate this as a milestone. Instead, our marriage has no value."

Really, it makes about as much sense as saying your birthday has no value because people die, people get better gifts than you, or don't celebrate it at all. It's like saying because Jewish people and Atheists don't celebrate Christmas, the whole holiday is meaningless. Because the vegan movement exists, because other people go gluten free, there's no way you can enjoy your steak and biscuits like you otherwise would. It's utterly asinine.

 

[russianorth]

That is very true, just as you value your ability to get an easy divorce I value my ability to not sign things I dont want to sign. But you are right we should not allow society to dicate what we do in our individual lives, if I choose not to sign a marriage licence then I choose not to sign one.

I think the unfortunate fact of that is how such people are treated in nearly all church bodies, however another poster in another unreleated fourm said that church does not determine our salvation, we should look to the bible for that not the opinions of man.

I think the problem isn't that marriage is being degraded. It's that some people allow their own views of marriage to become degraded, then blame that poor mindset on others, absolving themselves of taking any sort of effort to fix their mentality. For example, here's somebody who thinks marriage is flawed and blames feminism, even going so far as to say that the only solution is to cancel out feminism, acknowledging that isn't going to happen. That acknowledgment basically is the build in excuse for not trying to seek a better understanding or opinion of marriage as a whole. For him, the value of marriage is determined by something other than him, and because he's willfully given away his power, he's excused his apparent lack of effort in improving himself and quelling negativity that apparently has evolved to define the whole of marriage and a significant chunk of women to be unfavorable.

As a woman who's, for some baffling reason, been called a "feminist" with the same venom that one uses when they utter an obscenity or accuse somebody of being racist, I have to say that yes, I am glad that women can get divorces. Obviously as a divorced woman myself, I seeing being able to take control of my own marital life as being a good thing and not a bad thing (though in the spirit of full disclosure my ex physically filed because his post-separation home was closer to the court for the county we lived than mine and because I couldn't afford the filing fees, though our paperwork said it was a "joint, uncontested petition to dissolve marriage," which it was). But you know... The fact I got divorced, that my husband now has been divorced... It means absolutely nothing to the value of our marriage or marriage in general. The marital behaviors of others, of society, others in the US, others in the world, none of that factors in to what determines the value of my marriage. That comes from one and only fountain, and that fountain's source is that space occupied by me and my husband.

Tomorrow, the whole of femaledom could leave their husbands, divorce them. Marriage could be abolished. Marriage could be opened up to allow more inclusion through the recognition of same-sex marriage. Marriage could just a business arraignment. People can do it for money, citizenship, or because they got really hammered in Vegas and it seemed like a good thing to do. People can have open marriages, long term relationships with no marriage... Absolutely, positively none of it has any impact on how my marriage is rooted, how I view marriage, or how I view my marriage. Why? Because the roots of how I define the importance of a marital bond come from me, and I live it accordingly. As a result I reap all the benefits of a great marriage, a great outlook on marriage, and full control of the determination of value to what matters to me.

Sure, I could sit here and wail about men who marry their starter wife and build off of her then divorce her for another woman to step into the life the first wife carved. Yeah, I could rant about unfaithful men. I can point fingers at the guys who jump through women like I change my pants, marry and divorce then feel scandalized that the woman they chose to build a life with has the gall to think she deserves something out of their mutual marriage than lost years and walking papers.

But you know what? I don't. Because none of the behavior of others comes back to define what my marriage means to me. Because of that, I can demonstrate quite clearly to the world just exactly how much I value my marriage and... Guess what? Cultivate that respect that I've sown, regardless of what the marriage of anybody else is or isn't doing.

Looking at these couples who've hit their 30, 40, 50 years, I've never once seen one that said "If it weren't for feminism, we could celebrate this as a milestone. Instead, our marriage has no value."

Really, it makes about as much sense as saying your birthday has no value because people die, people get better gifts than you, or don't celebrate it at all. It's like saying because Jewish people and Atheists don't celebrate Christmas, the whole holiday is meaningless. Because the vegan movement exists, because other people go gluten free, there's no way you can enjoy your steak and biscuits like you otherwise would. It's utterly asinine.

 

[bachatagirl]

I believe almost 2 yrs, my now ex-husband treated me badly for almost 5 yrs before I found out about his numerous affairs,,,,,

 

[Tropical Wilds]

That is very true, just as you value your ability to get an easy divorce I value my ability to not sign things I dont want to sign. But you are right we should not allow society to dicate what we do in our individual lives, if I choose not to sign a marriage licence then I choose not to sign one.

If there was ever anybody who could say they had an easy divorce, it'd be me. Completely uncontested in terms of money, property, no kids, we waived our appearance before a judge... Filed, processed, divorced in less than a week.

That all being said, divorce isn't easy. Anybody who thinks so clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, has no idea what they're talking about. It's a hard, hard thing from pretty much any angle it could be.

And I agree, if you don't want to get married, don't. Find a man or won't who also doesn't want marriage and cohabitate forever (but don't expect, if you break up, the process is any easier legally or otherwise than divorce, or that you get out of it without having to offer a payout to her). Or stay single. Or have a series of superfluous relationships. Or have everything from the kids to the house without the little paper (see note above about if you break up). That's your choice and I 100% support you in doing it if that's what you want.

But at least be honest about it. Your decision has nothing to do with feminism, evil women, society, or anything else. It's your fear of committing to somebody or the idea of giving your life over to such a degree that you've fully melded with somebody else. The idea of removing a "mine" for "ours" is too terrifying to want to get married. And that's fine. Again, a lot of people feel that way.

I think the unfortunate fact of that is how such people are treated in nearly all church bodies, however another poster in another unreleated fourm said that church does not determine our salvation, we should look to the bible for that not the opinions of man.

What people are treated how in church?

 

[OGM]

The problems of marriage and divorce can seem overwhelming to many singles. Some just don't want to go there.

 

[russianorth]

If there was ever anybody who could say they had an easy divorce, it'd be me. Completely uncontested in terms of money, property, no kids, we waived our appearance before a judge... Filed, processed, divorced in less than a week.

That all being said, divorce isn't easy. Anybody who thinks so clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, has no idea what they're talking about. It's a hard, hard thing from pretty much any angle it could be.

And I agree, if you don't want to get married, don't. Find a man or won't who also doesn't want marriage and cohabitate forever (but don't expect, if you break up, the process is any easier legally or otherwise than divorce, or that you get out of it without having to offer a payout to her). Or stay single. Or have a series of superfluous relationships. Or have everything from the kids to the house without the little paper (see note above about if you break up). That's your choice and I 100% support you in doing it if that's what you want.

But at least be honest about it. Your decision has nothing to do with feminism, evil women, society, or anything else. It's your fear of committing to somebody or the idea of giving your life over to such a degree that you've fully melded with somebody else. The idea of removing a "mine" for "ours" is too terrifying to want to get married. And that's fine. Again, a lot of people feel that way.



What people are treated how in church?

If someone finds out you dont have a legal marriage with the state in what ever church your going to then there are always members who are openly hostile about it. The "no marriage licence" issue seems to get special attention in most churches.

Also the issue is that the man is the one to nearly always pay even if the woman is the one walking away. That creates a sort of slave dynamic becuase if he does not pander HARD then she can chose to walk and HE pays.