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I did something very awful...cannot forgive myself...need prayers. HURTING.

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by justagirl72, May 2, 2010.

  1. justagirl72

    justagirl72 Newbie

    I am typing under this new anonymous username because what I did was unforgivable...it is a very long story. A year ago I was with this wonderful Catholic boy...everything was perfect except the fact my parents detested our relationship...I would lie to sneak out to see him...feeling guilty about lying I would see him less and less often...to the point where he thought I did not love him anymore...I love him deeply...and still do. I would fight terribly with my parents over it and i lied that I broke up with him just to make them happy and to stop the noise...but i was still seeing him...but at the same time...i found another man and introduced my parents to him. They loved him..one day the Catholic boy told me he was going overseas...that would relieve me from lying for a while. I had lent him a large amount of money...he said he would return it...but never did return all of it. At the same time my father died from a stroke...my family was in turmoil...but that was okay since the new man helped us through so much of it. Mum was elated. I was angry at my ex for running off with my money...anger turned to hate...and yet I still felt love for him.

    I realised that I never liked that new man...I was only with him to take my mind off my problems...it was a mistake...I was still in love with the Catholic boy...the Catholic boy told me he found someone else and was in love with her. My whole world flipped upside down. I did everything to try to get him back...I did things...a Christian shouldn't do. I did everything that the world had told me would please a man...behind my partner's back...and I thought I was winning as he was with me... and his girl who he loved so much was 10000 miles away.

    After all that...the Catholic boy told me...that he can't live a lie anymore and that beauty, money and everything that I did for him means nothing as he was in love with someone else and he cannot lie to me anymore or live a lie...I was so deeply in love with him I ignored everything God has told me. I turned my back on God, my family and my friends....I am really hurting..hating myself...how could I let myself go...I have turned into a different person and I am not the sweet Christian girl I used to be. I have become a monster. I want to change and I want to confess but this is too terrible and I doubt I can ever be forgiven or delivered....I need prayer and I just need to get back to God...please help me...I am crying out to you Lord....

    I confessed to one of my closest friends (but who is not a Christian) and he hated me for this...I need help...so helpless...I can't go on...
  2. Criada

    Criada Well-Known Member Supporter

    Christian Seeker
    Sweetie, God loves you, and He forgave you the moment you repented.
    It is obvious from your post that you are upset by what happened, and that you know it was wrong. Tell God that, and let Him restore your relationship, sweetie :hug:

    Please watch this, sweetie
    YouTube - The Inheritance for Men and Women

    It helps me when I am feeling self-hatred....

    God loves you... unconditionally, hugely, unendingly. :hug: :hug:
  3. writergirl4god

    writergirl4god Newbie

    I'm sorry that you're hurting, justagirl. God loves you immensely and always forgives. Hating yourself doesn't accomplish anything, but repenting and learning from your experience can. I'm praying for you.

    Love from a sister in Christ,
  4. Fowler

    Fowler Newbie

    Eastern Orthodox
    Praying for you!
  5. Holygeneral79

    Holygeneral79 Junior Member

    You're not a monster, you're a sinner, welcome to the club. It might seem like you're the biggest sinner now, but guess what, we all crucified Jesus on the cross. His one drop of blood can forgive billions, no quadrupotrillions and you think your acts of sin cannot be forgiven? He didn't die in vain you know. But, you need to set things right. You need to fess up to begin with; with your new man and family. Then seek forgiveness from God than your new man and family, because believe me, until you do so you will not be able to recover. Oh about that sweet Christian girl thing, that's a big illusion and the sooner you realize it the better. There's no one righteous, not one. It is how you present yourself before God that matters, outside appearances is really nothing. If anything, I'm sure this is a good opportunity for you to become "really sweet" by going through the stage of dying and being reborn again with Christ.
  6. justagirl72

    justagirl72 Newbie

    Holygeneral, your post made me smile. Thank you for telling the truth. I will become a new creature and I will beg God for forgiveness and strength. But I am concerned about the Catholic boy...please pray for him too....we both need prayers....thank you.
  7. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    Don't beg for forgiveness - accept that you are. You will be a wiser young women for all of that. There's plenty of life left for you. Get on with it and enjoy God too.

  8. brandon.j

    brandon.j The Pro Security/Network Eng become Psych Major

    God loves you and will forgive you when you repent your sins. He has forgiven you so you should forgive yourself and learn from what occurred so in the future when God's hand guides you to someone about to make those same mistakes you can say that you did what they're thinking about and guide them back to the path of God.

    Sometimes we all sin and make mistakes. God understands and forgives. I often meditate on Him allowing us free will to make those mistakes so we can can learn and help others from making the same.

    God Bless
  9. razeontherock

    razeontherock Well-Known Member

    You are getting a glimpse of how awful sin is. That's a VERY important thing for us Christians to know! Here's a link to a 2-part sermon (audio only) that is the most powerful and practical thing I've heard. Please, we should ALL listen to this ...