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Leanna said:I wouldn't separate, that would probably only lead to more cheating because of loneliness and opportunity. I got pregnant during my husband and I's separation....
I also would consider, since you (OP) have cheated, that she is just a wounded puppy looking for love and God's healing in the wrong places. I wouldn't leave her even if she did cheat, I would get into counseling and fast.
Also........ what are you thinking letting another man in your hosue even if it is a bluff??? Even if he isn't the type to rape and pillage, this man is obviously "free" sexually...... STDsANYONE????
InTheFlame said:So... what actions have you come up with? What are you doing to make things right? I acknowledge you're forgiven by God if you've repented - but that doesn't absolve you of the responsibility to do a lot of hard yards in the interest of healing your marriage and your wife. It's not all your responsibility - God is the source of healing, and your wife needs to open up to that healing - but you do need to be doing the 'right thing' in more ways than just avoiding MORE marriage-destroying behaviour. It's like your marriage is in pieces around you... just putting down the hammer isn't enough, you need to be picking up the pieces and using the glue, otherwise you've still got a helluva mess.
Y'know, I'd be overjoyed to think that I'd misunderstood you. I don't wander around these forums looking for people to slam. And maybe you just have a lot of trouble expressing yourself in writing. But I'm not going to decide you're a great guy just because you SAY I'm wrong. Prove it
newcreature said:I know first hand the pain that porn causes in a marriage. Although my ex-husband wouldn't admit it, I knew the lifestyle that he was living. He, at the time, thought i was clueless. Having said that, Praise God that you have sought forgiveness, and have been forgiven for this!!
After several years of the deception, I began to give up on God. I, too, no longer wanted to be the good girl, the one who tried to hold the pieces together. With that mindset, I fell, and fell hard. Some of the choices i made, only pushed me farther away from my ex, and my God. Maybe she is totally in this mindset. Maybe not. I will be praying that God helps both of you pick up the pieces of you marriage!
I would first find a time to talk to her about how much you love her, and how you are going to prove that to her. She probably doubts herself, and is confused just as you are. Love is an action, that is taken so lightly in so many marriages these days.
Be willing to fight for your marriage by prayer, fasting (if need be), and seeking a good counselor. If you are the only one that decides to go, so be it! It can offer you a tremendous amount of support.
Dear Lord, I come to you right now on behalf of the OP, and his wife. I pray for a healing that only you can provide. May the divide that this has caused, be closed by You. Open their eyes to the need of You, and please restore their precious marriage. In Your precious, and Holy name! Amen!
God Bless you!
Elaine
InTheFlame said:WHAT?
Let me get this straight. You've cheated, looked at porn, and almost invited another man into your bed. And now your wife is the bad person.
Try stepping into her shoes for a second. You try for 14 years to be a good christian spouse, only to have your spouse cheat, lie and fantasise about other men and women. I bet she hasn't been getting much satisfaction from that. Can't you see that after 14 years of that rubbish, you might decide that being 'good' has gotten you nowhere, and you might as well join your husband in his happy cheating sex?
Except you've conveniently decided that you're born-again and too good for all that stuff, and you're 'shocked' at your wife's behaviour. Well, guess what, buddy? YOU have allowed your marriage to get to this state. YOU stuffed up a LOT. YOU are the one who needs to be working to fix the mess YOU made, not prancing around on forums all amazed and prissy-mouthed at your wife's 'unchristian' behaviour.
Oh... and I realise this is a text-based medium, but I'm extremely bothered by the fact that I can't detect a shred of honest remorse and repentance in your posts. You seem more bemused that she won't 'suck it up' and get on with being a good wife.
Get off the flipping computer, haul your wife to counselling, and get prepared for a long, hard road in which you work at healing your marriage and helping your wife regain trust in you - IF that's possible.
4jacks said:Someone needs to take a deep breathe...
This guys comes on here to ASK advice on how he can put the pieces of the puzzle back together again, so why are you being so hard on him telling him he has to Prove something by putting the pieces of the puzzle back together? He doesn't need to prove any thing to anyone on here, and he doesn't need to be apologetic to anyone on here. And it's a silly requirement to need a advanced degree in technical writing in order to ask advice on the internet. He got the main point of his post across just fine. He needs help in stearing his marriage in the right direction.
He never said... "My wife is a this and that... and blah blah blah"
He doesn't understand what's going on, and he wants advice.
As far as helping this guy, I'm clueless, sorry dude, this is way above my head. I say get to consouling FAST.
4jacks said:I personally think trying to call her bluff was a really really really bad idea...
First you were like "Yeah, lets have a 3-some"
And now you're like "That's wrong and I'm leaving You"
Talking about giving her mixed signals...
Did you look into marriage consouling?
My first thoughts exactly.Redguard said:Are you sure she accepted your apology? Sounds to me like she's trying to teach you a lesson in the pains of lusting outside of the marriage.
bliz said:No one is being hard on this guy. He has not been bashed or slammed or insulted or called names or anything like that.
bliz said:and he wants to take over as captain and bark orders to her
bliz said:Get off your high horse and abandon the moral superiority attitude.
intheflames said:Well, guess what, buddy? YOU have allowed your marriage to get to this state. YOU stuffed up a LOT. YOU are the one who needs to be working to fix the mess YOU made, not prancing around on forums all amazed and prissy-mouthed at your wife's 'unchristian' behaviour
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