ocd was suggesting me to make a fake promise to God in order to force myself not to do the ocd compulsion.
I knew they were thoughts without my will and a part of me somehow for a second gets caught in the trap of ocd. the problem is I am not sure and I cant remember if it is ocd or not. everything starts with ocd but the way I deal with it, I am nto sure if it is still ocd or not.
for example, ocd suggests or pops thoughts without my will in m y head. I can pray to God and tell Him that these are thoughts without my will or ignore them. but sometimes, due to stress, a part of me, in a matter of second, somehow allows or forces the thoughts to happen without my will maybe on purpose. I cant explain it better. it is like semi-ocd semi-maybe-accidentally-with my will?
all that happens in a second. I know I have two choices. to ignore the thoughts but I am not doing that. a part of me somehow "plays along" with the ocd traps and suggestions. that happens because I want to relieve myself but I have told God no matter what goes in my head they are still thoughts without my will and I am getting teased by ocd. no matter what I think even if a part of me does it on purpose for a second, not to make those thoughts valid. I told Him that sometimes I may act as if ocd is affecting me just to leave me alone. for example, if ocd says make a promise to God in order to force yourself out of the worries or out of a dilemma p\a a part of me for a second maybe allows the thoughts without my will to pop up in my head. it is like opening a sprout but you know the water is no good b ut ou just open it and in order to put an end to this case. ocd is relieving myself by creating worries of what will worry me in case of not doing what I want. for example
ocd: do that compulsion!
meL: I do not want to!
ocd: ok! then worry for not doing the compulsion!
me: I will try not to!
ocd: good luck with that!
me: oh come on! why I worry? it is just ocd.
ocd: worry! worry!
me: I will try not to! I cant!
ocd: I have a suggestion for you! you can relieve yourself from worries. by not doing the compulsion! how? make a promise or a fake promise to God that you wont do the compulsion. or at least you know they are thoughts without your will. just for a second force this thoughts without your will to happen in your head. you know that they will pop up and you can pretend that they are thoughts without your will but there is a chance you may be doing it on purpose.
me: no! I know the trick of yours! I am not going to do it. but a part of me wants to relieve itself from the worries. maybe if I allow the thoughts without my will to happen for a second? they will be thoughts without my will. oh I am running out of time. I need to make a choice. what should I do? God know the problem of mine. He knows I am doing all these just because of the ocd worries. everything is thoughts without my will and I asked Him to protect me. but anyway. I can ignore the thoughts and just continue with some minor worries for not doing the compulsion but I do not want to force myself to make fake promise to God. I do not.. I do not know. maybe. maybe if I allow them to happen in my head for a second? maybe... aaaaaaargh. promise not to do the compulsion. oh no! now I must not do the compulsion. I don't care. at least I got relieved from the worries of not doing the compulsion. and. - hang on! wait! no! they are thoughts without my will. no! I do not accept them! ocd tricked me! a part of me uncontrollably for a second maybe allowed some thoughts without my will about a promise to God.
ocd: ha! its too late! maybe a part of you, for a second, forced the thoughts to pop up in your head about the promise to God. you still had a chance to pray to God to absolve you from these thoughts, as soon as the popped up in your head. but you did not. you relieved yourself and for a second you acted like "you must not do the compulsion thanks to the thoughts". you know what? maybe that made those thoughts of yours valid. just because for a second you allowed them to happen to your head.
me: how that happened? I am so scared about making a promise to God. and it is my ocd worry! how can I for a second, accidentally, maybe made a promise to God? everything happened so fast! I do not want this.
and now I worry again...
I knew they were thoughts without my will and a part of me somehow for a second gets caught in the trap of ocd. the problem is I am not sure and I cant remember if it is ocd or not. everything starts with ocd but the way I deal with it, I am nto sure if it is still ocd or not.
for example, ocd suggests or pops thoughts without my will in m y head. I can pray to God and tell Him that these are thoughts without my will or ignore them. but sometimes, due to stress, a part of me, in a matter of second, somehow allows or forces the thoughts to happen without my will maybe on purpose. I cant explain it better. it is like semi-ocd semi-maybe-accidentally-with my will?
all that happens in a second. I know I have two choices. to ignore the thoughts but I am not doing that. a part of me somehow "plays along" with the ocd traps and suggestions. that happens because I want to relieve myself but I have told God no matter what goes in my head they are still thoughts without my will and I am getting teased by ocd. no matter what I think even if a part of me does it on purpose for a second, not to make those thoughts valid. I told Him that sometimes I may act as if ocd is affecting me just to leave me alone. for example, if ocd says make a promise to God in order to force yourself out of the worries or out of a dilemma p\a a part of me for a second maybe allows the thoughts without my will to pop up in my head. it is like opening a sprout but you know the water is no good b ut ou just open it and in order to put an end to this case. ocd is relieving myself by creating worries of what will worry me in case of not doing what I want. for example
ocd: do that compulsion!
meL: I do not want to!
ocd: ok! then worry for not doing the compulsion!
me: I will try not to!
ocd: good luck with that!
me: oh come on! why I worry? it is just ocd.
ocd: worry! worry!
me: I will try not to! I cant!
ocd: I have a suggestion for you! you can relieve yourself from worries. by not doing the compulsion! how? make a promise or a fake promise to God that you wont do the compulsion. or at least you know they are thoughts without your will. just for a second force this thoughts without your will to happen in your head. you know that they will pop up and you can pretend that they are thoughts without your will but there is a chance you may be doing it on purpose.
me: no! I know the trick of yours! I am not going to do it. but a part of me wants to relieve itself from the worries. maybe if I allow the thoughts without my will to happen for a second? they will be thoughts without my will. oh I am running out of time. I need to make a choice. what should I do? God know the problem of mine. He knows I am doing all these just because of the ocd worries. everything is thoughts without my will and I asked Him to protect me. but anyway. I can ignore the thoughts and just continue with some minor worries for not doing the compulsion but I do not want to force myself to make fake promise to God. I do not.. I do not know. maybe. maybe if I allow them to happen in my head for a second? maybe... aaaaaaargh. promise not to do the compulsion. oh no! now I must not do the compulsion. I don't care. at least I got relieved from the worries of not doing the compulsion. and. - hang on! wait! no! they are thoughts without my will. no! I do not accept them! ocd tricked me! a part of me uncontrollably for a second maybe allowed some thoughts without my will about a promise to God.
ocd: ha! its too late! maybe a part of you, for a second, forced the thoughts to pop up in your head about the promise to God. you still had a chance to pray to God to absolve you from these thoughts, as soon as the popped up in your head. but you did not. you relieved yourself and for a second you acted like "you must not do the compulsion thanks to the thoughts". you know what? maybe that made those thoughts of yours valid. just because for a second you allowed them to happen to your head.
me: how that happened? I am so scared about making a promise to God. and it is my ocd worry! how can I for a second, accidentally, maybe made a promise to God? everything happened so fast! I do not want this.
and now I worry again...
