I Can't Let Him Go

[fluffy_rainbow]

I don't understand why I have been thinking about my ex-husband so much lately. I even had a dream about him last night and I woke up in tears. I have never gotten over him. It's so unfair. I don't know if I'll ever love again and he's gone off and remarried the first girl who came along (the girl he cheated on me with!) and has a baby and I'm left lonely, hurt, and suffering the consequences of just not being able to stick it out and pray that things got better. I feel cheated and robbed. I know I shouldn't feel that way, I know. I just don't foresee myself ever loving anyone again. He was "the one", the man God intended me to be with and we both messed it up bigtime. Now he's remarried and all I can think about is finding a way to sabotage his marriage since it's born in sin anyway. That's just so unchristlike of me though to feel that way. I mean, if it's just not meant to be ever again, why won't the feelings go away? I was so young and it's been four years. I just want to get over him so I can move on.

 

[E_Powers]

if you work on your relationship with god every other problem you face will fall down like they are nothing because with god all worries are nothing.

 

[Yitzchak]

Everybody has their own pace when it comes to the healing process. So it is possible that you are just slower to heal than some are. On the other hand, you may be stuck in the process and need some outside help. I suggest you go to the pastor at your church and ask about some good counseling you can go to and see if that helps you move forward.

I had an awful time getting over my divorce and it was a hard process that I went through. I will pray for you. One thing I did learn from my experience is that it is good to be honest. So if you still love your ex and wish you were with them , then it is good to deal with that rather than denying it.

 

[heartnsoul]

Big hugs to you fluffy. Grieving and anger are all part of the healing process. God will help you through this tough time. Time does heal all wounds. We will be praying for you. Brighter days are just around the corner for you. Keep the faith.

 

[Rand1956]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it just takes time to get over something this traumatic. I'm going through something similar, and I want to be better NOW, not later. It doesn't work that way. Try to be kind to yourself while you're healing, too.

A therapist friend of mine says the process of going through a divorce is much the same as Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' stages of grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Personally, I'd just as soon skip right to Step 5.



Randall

 

[bkg]

One thing I did learn from my experience is that it is good to be honest. So if you still love your ex and wish you were with them , then it is good to deal with that rather than denying it.

I think this is one of the wisest things I've read on this board... yet also something that 99% of everyone else in this crazy world will say is horribly bad.

Getting through a divorce is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not through it at all, and frankly the holidays make it worse. I understand the feeling of unfairness that comes with this place we are in. Let's call it like it is - it sucks.

People will say "give it all to God", and I agree. But I've learned that it's more along the lines of "Give to God... over and over and over and over an..." Since it's not a one time deal... Keep your chin up, stay in prayer, and please continue to be honest!!!

blessings,
bkg

 

[madison1101]

I totally understand and relate to what you are experiencing. I have cried and wept the same as you, and have been left to wonder why it happened. My ex is remarried now, and I am alone.

I can give you the verse that my friend gave when my ex moved out.

Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

I wrote it and put it all over my aparment. It was my screensaver. I would cry and pray to God for strength and faith to believe there was hope and that I would have peace and joy in my future.

It has been four years since my ex moved out. I have some peace and a little joy on most days.

Hugs,
Madison

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Thank you everyone for your prayers, encouragement, and godly insight. Back in my lost days, I slept around and "serial dated" to try and fill the void, but as I slowly came back to Christ, I realized that it is true-sin does not come without consequences. I don't believe it is God who punishes us for our sins; however, we punish ourselves with our choices and actions. In the selfish pursuit of freedom from a man who probably wouldn't have been such a poor husband if I had tried harder (he was raised in an abusive home so he really didn't know any better) I lost out. He moved on. He doesn't care. He's seemingly happy now, but he's also turned far away from God. When we spoke last year he said, "after everything was said and done I realized there is a God, but I don't believe in that churchy Jesus version of God". I feel as if I'm partially responsible for him losing his faith and now he has abandoned Biblical principles and remarried to the woman he had a brief fling with.

I know that sometimes things work out in strange ways. Somewhere down the road we may be re-united again. Then again, we may not and he may live with his new wife happily ever after. Either way, I was the one who left and now I'm the one living through the emotional hell, not him. I guess I'm still kicking myself in the behind for it. I wish it were different. I wish he'd come back. I wish I'd never left him to begin with...despite the fact he was abusive. I have not remarried, he has. I have prayed for reconciliation every day, and he has already broken the covenant by marrying again. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what God wants me to do.

 

[Southern Cross]

Fluffy Rainbow, remember that God has a purpose and plan for your life, even as you are going through all this. If you'll let Him, God will not only help see you through this difficult time, but he'll also open other doors for you to serve Him. God can heal the broken hearted, but he can also bring joy to your life while your heart is healing. As I thought about your life and prayed for you, I am convinced God is ready to move in your life. Put aside your pain, I know how overwhelming it can be, believe me. But put it aside, go somewhere quiet, and talk it out with Jesus. Do this often. He will comfort you and give you hope, and more importantly, a purpose. He will help you make it through this depression. You have such a desire to lead a Godly life, to be in a good marriage, to make things work. I don't know what God's will is for you, but even through all this, your heart is in the right place, it will just take time to make it through.

Sometimes the only way I can do this is to drive down to the beach, and walk along the shore under a clear sky full of glowing stars. And sometimes that's the only way I can hear God's still small voice and feel his presence at this point in my life. Now perhaps you don't live near an ocean - and it's probably freezing where you are - but find a place and pray, really really pray, and open your heart to God's voice and the proddings of the Holy Spirit.

Your ex-husband has married another. Yeah, you left him, but did he fight to get you back? No. It's not that you aren't priceless - you are. It's just that some people look for instant and temporal happiness instead of recognizing the real thing right in front of them. So stop beating yourself up. You have much to offer, and much to do in the world in His name, all the other things will fall into place over time.

You are not reponsible for your ex-husband's spiritual health. Any guy with half a brain can figure out where he is and where he needs to be. He has made his choices - for now. There is nothing wrong for praying for his salvation - and his wife and child, too. And God will work in small ways to make that happen. People will be sent into your ex-husband's life to be a testimony and a witness, and then he will need ot make his own choices.

Be at peace. Let things go. Trust Jesus in this, it's the only way to go. And above all, guard your heart. You are vulnerable, do not fall for the temptations that will be sent your way. You will be in my prayers, kid!

 

[desi]

Have you thrown out the old stuff that reminds you of him and moved to another place? The hardest thing you can do is live where he lived with you with the things you shared because they will trigger all kinds of melancholy in you. Move on if you have not already.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Thank you for the encouragement, Southerncross.

Yes, Desi, I have discarded everything that reminded me of him. I live in a new apartment and got rid of all the pictures and things that belonged to us. All that remains now are memories.

 

[Agape4u]

Fluffy, something that helped me get over the past was realizing that if Jesus was Lord of my life then He had to be Lord of my emotions as well. That meant that I had to surrender those emotions to Him and let Him control them. I asked Him to break those emotional ties that I had with my ex-wife and allow me to move on. His Word was what sealed the deal....2Cor.10:4-7 and Phil.3:13. God Bless You!