I am too poor for the church I am attending

CrystalTurquoise · Dec 11, 2022

I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

Tigger45 · Dec 11, 2022

Welcome to CF Crystal!

i know your husband likes this church but have you talked to him about your concerns?

Lost4words · Dec 11, 2022

What did Jesus say about the the poor? Or the rich?

Trust in God. Dont worry. Be yourself.

You are doing a great ministry.

God bless you and your family.

mourningdove~ · Dec 11, 2022

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

You and your husband sound like a real blessing to your church.

And yet, I do understand that feeling of 'not belonging' in a church where members live very different lives than we do. You do not need 'healing' of those feelings. They are natural. I suspect there are women in your church who would also feel that same sense of 'not belonging' if they were to go to a church full of persons that are poorer than them. It is natural to feel uncomfortable in different social situations.

As a new resident, you have no doubt gone thru many adjustments in the past few years. It takes time to adjust to something very new, and the adjustment period can naturally even be difficult at times, and lonely feeling. I experienced those kinds of feelings when I moved from one state in the U.S. to another one that was very different. I felt like a foreigner there, the first few years. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but those feelings did go away with time, and I grew to love my new location. Sometimes it just takes time to adjust and settle into a new life.

If you feel you can talk openly about it to him, I probably would mention your current struggles to your husband. There may be nothing he can do at this time to change things, but it might just be comforting for you to know that he knows and understands.

And rather than to pray for 'healing', I would continue to talk to God about the things that are on your heart and ask Him to bring some good friends into your life, friends with whom you will identify more closely with, and connect well.

(... and I will pray for that also for you! )

God bless!

timewerx · Dec 11, 2022

CrystalTurquoise said:
For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle.

Next time they had ladies tea, do show up...

...But be your usual self. Don't bother wasting your hard-earned money on hairdresser nor expensive clothes... Behave like you would normally if you are with true friends.

They will either accept or reject you.... At least, this will give you both clarity and closure.

peaceful-forest · Dec 11, 2022

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through that.

This church you attend - is the rich part the only bad part about it? I only ask because I used to attend a rich church that has been declining in multiple ways (examples of what was happening: treating singles as second class, not being transparent about the church finances, not preaching the truth on certain things because they're afraid of offending liberals). Pray to God about this issue. I will pray for you.

I don't think it's wrong for you to desire to be with others you relate to. Have you expressed your feelings to your husband? Just ask him if you all can try another church for one Sunday and see how it goes.

AJHnh · Dec 11, 2022

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

I am willing to wager there is someone else( perhaps many) who feel the way you do in this church. There will always be larger homes, better cars etc. You feel they are “richer” but in reality many live way beyond there means incurring debt and troubles—so don’t feel bad about that. There are many churches so finding another should not be an issue. Speak to your husband and perhaps together you can move to another..However you sound like one I would love to see at our church. perhaps you are being used by God and you are the blessing this church needs.

Leaf473 · Dec 11, 2022

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

Prayers that God would give you peace in this situation

The previous posts have all contained a good advice.

A brainstorm idea: look for a church in your area that has a midweek Bible study or ladies group. That way you can find some friends in similar situations, and still attend church with your husband on Sunday.

Joy · Dec 15, 2022

MOD HAT ON

This Thread has Moved

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MOD HAT OFF

timf · Dec 15, 2022

You are not the first one to not be accepted.

Joh 1:11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.

Christianity is supposed to be about love. Love is essentially selflessness.

1Co 13:4 Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
1Co 13:5 doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil;
1Co 13:6 rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth;
1Co 13:7 beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

In a prosperous society many Christians do not notice that they are so preoccupied with matters of self interest that they fail their brothers and sisters in Christ.

That these people have failed to bring you more fully into their abbreviated form of Christianity is perhaps beneficial for you. You are in a position to show love both to the children you care for and in service to the others. Your prayers might be that they would come more into your Christian world of service than that they would accept you into their spiritually impoverished world.

Sawsar · Jan 17, 2023

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

Let me suggest you start reading through messages written by member AGTG. He has the gift of teaching. I recommend reading through as much as possible.
God bless you

BobRyan · Jan 17, 2023

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

I suggest attending another church on a day that is not Sunday. My church meets every Saturday and there is probably one in your area. You can find churches that meet on Wednesday etc... find a fellowship of believers that you can associate with comfortably.

Joined2krist · Jan 19, 2023

Why don't you look around for another Church? you can attend mid-week service, then attend Sunday service at your husband's Church

Wyatt A. · Jan 20, 2023

CrystalTurquoise said:
I moved to the US 2 years ago, I am a legal permanent resident as I married my American husband 5 years ago. We attend a church here. I am a Sunday school teacher and I am in the cleaning ministry. My husband plays in the worship team. It is a little church. My husband is affectionate to this church, he has known the pastor for many years and I cannot deny there are kind people in here but I am not really bonding with anyone. It is probably my fault. But we are the poorest. They all live in mansions with swimming pools, we live in a very nice house (for me) but it is in the worst area of the town, they would not come here for their life. But it was what we could afford, besides it is a very quiet area, and I have kind neighbours. But we are the only one living there. For Christmas, the church organized a ladies tea. Everything was really cute. Table decorations, people all dressed up...it looked like a movie. I did not attend. I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. I would have felt terrible, besides during the tea I was working my side hustle. Am I envious? Maybe. But I just feel lonely in my church. I feel like I do not belong. All I do in church is working, I am not receiving, and it is probably me because I have this psychological block. I want to respect my husband's desires and I would never hurt him. But I would like to go to another church sometimes. A "poorer" church. Somewhere I can feel I belong. Do I need healing? Do I need to stop overthinking? I do not know. But I am here in church. typing this in my Sunday school classroom, and I would like to be elsewhere. The only one I bonded with a little are my students here at the Sunday school. I have to admit that this "not belonging" feeling overlaps in my work too, and it is all part of being and feeling a foreign and often misunderstood.

The church is Christ's body with the same Holy Spirit. Therefore the true church has their names written in Heaven because they made Jesus their Lord. He knows those who are His and is known by them. If someone identifies as being part of a church because they give it the most money, then their church is 4 walls and a roof, not a body of believers redeemed by God. Their building and money will fade away. The children of God will live forever because they put their trust in Jesus, not money. God chooses the weak things of this world to confound the things which are mighty. God loves broken things. He is close to the broken hearted. God already owns all the money in the world because He owns the world.

mama2one · Jan 21, 2023

CrystalTurquoise said:
I cannot afford a hairdresser, or very nice clothes. Do I need to stop overthinking?

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. I cut my own hair and since my hair is thinning, I'm always wearing a hat. I'm at a Christian women's retreat this weekend & I'm the only one wearing a ball cap. Should I stay home & not go places?
You are over thinking it. People are people. The neighborhood right behind us is one with people living in huge, expensive houses. One person behind us is a heart surgeon. During a wind storm, trees from two houses behind us fell on our house. Husband ended up meeting both people. He said they were both really nice & heart surgeon even paid for the tree removal even though they didn't have to do that! So those "rich" people in their big houses turned out to be super nice. If you think of the church people as Christ followers & not as "rich", you WILL find things in common & realize you do belong. As I age, I don't worry what anyone might think of me, either. Only my opinion counts as to me, not anyone else's opinion.
Give your church people a chance, you might be pleasantly surprised. Also, if there are any second hand stores around, you could buy a nice dress.

I am too poor for the church I am attending

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