I am sooo confused...

[jen_soccer13]

When I am talking to others I can see that I have a problem. But when I am alone I feel like maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing and that I am fine. I don't know why I feel this way.
Sometimes I feel like I am in control and other times I feel like I am soo out of control and I am confused to which one is the truth!

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Which is the truth here?
~Jennifer

 

[Music4Hym777]

Oh honey

I know exactly how you feel. I thought that I was making a big deal to others, but in the secret I didn't even think that I had that much of a problem, I just thought that that was what all the other girls did. While, when I went in for my psych eval I was diagnosed with a SEVERE eating disorder. Even in my counseling group I am the one that has it the most severe (we dont compare, but it is obvious by the length and depth of my eating disorder). I have been in and out of the hospital for different medical reasons. Sometimes it feels like I am having a heart attack with my heart problems (from my eating disorder). Laxative de-tox was awful and required a trip to the hospital with fluids and everything to make sure that I was hydrated and not going to die of withdrawls. I also have had to have many tests done. I have had bleeding from ripping my colon from excess laxative use.

All this stuff was happening and I still didn't think that it was that big of a deal. It is once you get yourself into recovery and looking back that you realize that you had a problem. It's not an easy, its hard work, but it is possible and it is the right thing to do.

PM me if you want to talk more!
~Mon

 

[Leta]

Jen hunny,
You know I feel the same way. I talk to you all the time and say that you should stop and that what you are doing is so harmful, yet I am doing the same thing. I say that I am not harming myself and that I am just trying to lose weight but we both know that what we are doing is sooo bad for us and that we need serious help. I love you hun and no you're not alone in this at all.
Love,
Saleta

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

I second that Leta

Love you Jen!!!

Lizzie

 

[tuba_peter]

yeh, i'm always confused...

 

[tuba_peter]

...but then again, i'm never confused!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I feel like that sometimes - it's so easy to feel strong when there are others telling you you're doing well but when you're alone you doubt it so much and you think it's okay to not eat or to make yourself throw-up!! I wish I had an answer but I just don't, I am struggling with that too!!