I am sick of it.

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Here's my story, short version. I have a great wife great inlaws, a wonderful little girl and a pain in the @#$ family on my side. I want my daughter to know her cousins on my side but it is so painstaking to even try, I have had it. Let's assume in this equasion that I am the normal one (which is totally true, you will just have to trust me- so let's not get side tracked on that).

Father - Extremely high maintenence bec he has personal insecurities. Been there, done that relationship, tried over and over, burned out.

Sister - Chronic lier. No kidding. Falsly accuses people of hanous crimes and takes the to court for money, attention, or just spite. She has acusssed several people of molesting her children (not including me thank God). I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Brother - Constant financial problems. This is not a direct reason for us not to get along but, when he is having more serious issues with finances (lately all the time) he claims to have very little or no time to get together. This is anonymous so I am not worried about saying it here. I honor and respect not to tell anyone I know he is having difficulty as to not expose or embarrass him. My brother has had the best chance of relationship as he is the most normal of the three.

However, I just loaned him $500. He is an honorable guy in that he is paying it back in full within 2 weeks time. However, I thought it would be a good idea to meet him in person to pick up the check, at least to see him and my niece again (and to allow my little one to see her cousin). He insisted on doing an electronic transfer or mailing it instead of giving me 5 minutes of him time. I just don't get it!! He has such little time for me or my family, I am ready to just forget about him again. I don't care what the reason is, you make time for family.

I don't even know why I am writing this here. I just think it is an impossible situation.

 

[mamaneenie]

Here's my story, short version. I have a great wife great inlaws, a wonderful little girl and a pain in the @#$ family on my side. I want my daughter to know her cousins on my side but it is so painstaking to even try, I have had it. Let's assume in this equasion that I am the normal one (which is totally true, you will just have to trust me- so let's not get side tracked on that).

Father - Extremely high maintenence bec he has personal insecurities. Been there, done that relationship, tried over and over, burned out.

Sister - Chronic lier. No kidding. Falsly accuses people of hanous crimes and takes the to court for money, attention, or just spite. She has acusssed several people of molesting her children (not including me thank God). I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Brother - Constant financial problems. This is not a direct reason for us not to get along but, when he is having more serious issues with finances (lately all the time) he claims to have very little or no time to get together. This is anonymous so I am not worried about saying it here. I honor and respect not to tell anyone I know he is having difficulty as to not expose or embarrass him. My brother has had the best chance of relationship as he is the most normal of the three.

However, I just loaned him $500. He is an honorable guy in that he is paying it back in full within 2 weeks time. However, I thought it would be a good idea to meet him in person to pick up the check, at least to see him and my niece again (and to allow my little one to see her cousin). He insisted on doing an electronic transfer or mailing it instead of giving me 5 minutes of him time. I just don't get it!! He has such little time for me or my family, I am ready to just forget about him again. I don't care what the reason is, you make time for family.

I don't even know why I am writing this here. I just think it is an impossible situation.

I don't really know what to say, although if it makes you feel any better, I find it hard to catch up with my side of the family too. It's lke they don't really want to bother to see their grandson/nephew. He doesn't have any cousins on my side of the family, but it would be nice if his uncles were interested in seeing him. But no....

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Moved to: edification->christian advice and counsel. I was hoping there were some older parents here with some family advice but after looking at the posts here it seems geared to more of a infant or baby forum. Thanks for your reply mamaneenie.

 

[Didymus]

your daughter does not miss what she dosen t know.my girls have only two first cousins and hardly ever see them and it hasn t bothered them a bit. I realize it is frustrating for you but let it go. you can t make people like you. been through that myself it only makes you crazy.

 

[Etharia]

That's only partially true. Unless you don't plan to ever tell your child/children that they have other reletives. I have never really known the family on my mom's side and not only because they live out of state. I have an aunt and uncle and their 2 kids who have lived in the same state for the last 14 years and at times only a short drive away. However, we hardly ever see them and that is only when we invite them over and they can't think of a reason not to come. They have never made an effort to know my siblings or myself and this has always made us feel like we weren't good enough for them. This has nothing to do with comments my parents have made, they've never spoken ill of them, but simply my relatives' actions alone. Or should I say inaction. You children won't miss what they don't know as long as they are young enough not to know better. But when they get older the will wonder why they never knew your family.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Is it possible that your brother could be mad at you for something without you knowing it. I ask because he sounds like he's acting how I act when I feel a personal offense by someone but don't want to confront them on it. Maybe you could bring it up to him and ask him if there is anything you've done to make him mad, and that you were just wondering because it seems he doesn't want to make time for you or your family. This would also open the door to discuss the fact that you are dissapointed and feel maybe a little resentful that you don't get to spend time with him.

I kind of have the same issue...my mom lives far away and I've considered offering her to live with us for a while just to get her to move down here, but to come to think about it, I wouldn't want to subject my son to her abuse. She has a lack of knowledge when it comes to parenting and when she disciplines she yells and belittles and has beaten out of anger... I love my mom dearly, but I don't know if I'd want her baby sitting my son for long periods of time. Same with my grandma, we drop my son off at my hubbie's mom's for a few days at a time when we have a lot going on and need a baby sitter, but I would never do this with my grandma because she also can be mean and belittling. It'd be good to have short visits occassionally, but it might be better for you to error on the side of caution and keep good eye on your kids aroun your family (and never be alone in the room with your sisters kids, make sure there is always an adult witness around for your own sake, because if say she accused you of something and for some crazy reason they believed it, you could lose right to your own kids).