I am sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!

fisherman2 · Feb 26, 2008

Today is our anniversary, 42 years,, and I am sick of it..sick of the wasteful spending, the house looks like a junk yard, a fle market,,i am sick of it...always money for junk, but not bills..i am sick of it...i know nothing and this post will not help, but just getting it out...i would be happier homeless, at least i would have room to walk.
Just sick of it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redguard · Feb 26, 2008

In the very least, can I at least congratulate you on 42 years of marriage?

That's a pretty big number.

Ari5 · Feb 26, 2008

So what have you done to make it better?

fisherman2 · Feb 26, 2008

I give up, i tried for 42 years, and she still won't listen, even after bankruptsy...she is sick,, i am 61, my days are numbered,,,then i will have peace.

fisherman2 · Feb 26, 2008

She has chosen her junk and spending over me,,,,i can't won't try any more.

GrannieAnnie · Feb 26, 2008

You're 61 and you're days are numbered...why do you say that...are you ill ? My husband is 73 this year and he has plenty of life left in him yet. You are a good looking strong healthy looking man.

Can't you just....get rid of the junk.....easier said then done I guess if you've been living with it for 42 years. Can't you take charge of the finances....!!! Does your wife need a councillor to help her realize that it's not healthy to keep the house so cluttered. I've seen programs on tv where some people live in houses they can't move in, and it's sort of an emotional sickness....a type of fear of getting rid of things. They have things in their yards as well. But I've been told it can be overcome with help. Perhaps you could look into this.

Hugs, Annie

Autumnleaf · Feb 26, 2008

Sell the junk on ebay and make the money back. After all, you could be around for many more years. Make them as fun as you can.

1Newcreation · Feb 27, 2008

fisherman2 said:
Today is our anniversary, 42 years,, and I am sick of it..sick of the wasteful spending, the house looks like a junk yard, a fle market,,i am sick of it...always money for junk, but not bills..i am sick of it...i know nothing and this post will not help, but just getting it out...i would be happier homeless, at least i would have room to walk.
Just sick of it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is such a shame that your anniversary is clouded by
clutter.

Can you for today or when you read this, try and overlook the clutter and find something about your wife and marriage to celebrate.

I can understand how clutter and the overspending can cause depression and just a feeling of overwhelming. I believe it can make people sick, mentally and even physically. I have watched those tv shows, and emotions can run deep. I even get agitated with the mess that accumulates in our home and I have to have regular clear outs.

There is a deep seated spiritual need in your wife's life that is not being fulfilled, and she is compensating with the spending and the hoarding. Your wifes behaviour are just symptoms of something going on in her heart and mind, it's her way of self medicating and to cover up what is wrong. There maybe something deep within her that she is afraid to face. She sounds depressed too. Maybe there are some needs in her life that aren't being met aswell.

I really feel for you and your wife. I hope that you can still love your wife, try and be patient and somehow help her in some way.

I take it that you have tried to talk about this matter with your wife. Maybe I have missed some of your posts and you have already received advice.

Also where does the money come from? Could you make it so that you have control of the finances, as your wife is being irresponsible with it.

Could you come up with a new spending rule, if your wife wants to buy something, she has to get rid of two items, So one item comes into the home, two go out.

It is also never too late to seek outside help. Someone from church maybe, consider seeking some spiritual counsel. It is never too late to learn new ways of thinking and communicating. Maybe whatever approach you have used to try and get your wife to stop, needs to be exchanged for a whole new way.

I encourage you to give your burdens to the Lord, pray for your wife and your marriage and trust in Him to help you with all your and your wife's needs. Christ is the one who can heal and lead you both to freedom.

Templedweller · Feb 27, 2008

Lord Be Present and Bless These two
Help them here
Bring them together so they see what you can do.
Help this man speak lovingly~honestly to his Wife and Help them both release being right and this strife.
I do pray for you and your wife fisherman2
Know God will hear you
He can and will if you both talk it out get you two through.
I am not telling you what to do Just know you have a brother praying earnestly for you: Your Wife and You!!!

HuntingMan · Feb 27, 2008

fisherman2 said:
Today is our anniversary, 42 years,, and I am sick of it..sick of the wasteful spending, the house looks like a junk yard, a fle market,,i am sick of it...always money for junk, but not bills..i am sick of it...i know nothing and this post will not help, but just getting it out...i would be happier homeless, at least i would have room to walk.
Just sick of it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was half expecting to see that my step father was the author of this post
Id say you should see my moms house, but you probably know just what its like.
They literally have paths beaten thru the junk in her basement. She has a bedroom and a family room down there somewhere. Havent seen it in about 12 years or so for all the junk she buys and never does anything with.
My stepfather literally had to have her removed from the bank accounts because she would go on spending sprees and nothing would get paid. More junk in the house and the water, electric, cable and phone might be shut off, not to mention the house payment being so far behind that they have been close to risking foreclosure.
Bear in mind that their income was in well into the 6 digit range for some time and their house is only worth about $120,000.
It should have been paid off years ago...YEARS ago....but still isnt and because shes gotten them so far behind because of buying junk instead of paying their bills, I know she said their house payment is way more than it has to be (refinanced ?).
They lost everything. He had 7 18 wheeler trucks that he had drivers for long while, not to mention being on the low end of the nascar thing so he was making a lot of money working on race cars and other odds and ends. The man is amazing with the things he knows how to do.

Mom has some disorder or something. Anytime she's stressed she has to go buy something to feel better. But you cant try to help her because it only makes her upset.
My step father just keeps her from getting into the bank accounts and stays away as much as possible.

I have no clue what sort of suggestion to make. I can say that you arent alone tho.

HuntingMan · Feb 27, 2008

fisherman2 said:
I give up, i tried for 42 years, and she still won't listen, even after bankruptsy...she is sick,, i am 61, my days are numbered,,,then i will have peace.

Mom and stepfather have gone thru the bankruptcy, they owe a lot of back taxes where she was supposedly doing their accounting while he had his trucking company and didnt get those large amounts of taxes owed paid like she should have.
They have no savings, no retirement, shes over 60 and from what I can see they will have pretty much nothing come retirement time.
They bothed worked a lifetime, so they will at least have a decent SS retirement that will help, for sure, but not owning a house that late in life means paying rent somewhere and that probably wont be cheap and its not like the IRS is going to just ignore all those back taxes.

HOPEOF9 · Feb 27, 2008

"quit ye like men"

COWBOY UP! Don't let her run all over you with this frivolous behavior anymore. If she was single, it would be different, but she isn't and she is disrespecting you and your requests by continuing behavior that you don't want her to continue in!
Where is your spine man?
At one point this happened to my father in law. He finally pulled a flat bed trailer up to the door of the house and started filling bags and throwing them on. It was so freeing and wonderful that he felt like the weight being thrown on that truck was coming straight off his shoulders!

Be encouraged, she loves you and you love her. You can do this! Confront it!

MaraPetra · Feb 27, 2008

You sound like my daddy. My mother does the same thing, and it's the joke amongst us kids that, when my mom passes, we're going to have to rent an 18-wheeler to clean out their home. Once, it was a spacious place to raise 6 children...Now, it houses room upon room of junk stacked to the ceiling. Honestly, what is my mother going to do with an entire 10-foot high by 15-foot long rack of 8-track tapes? I'm not even sure if her tape deck works anymore, what with all the spiders and such. And let's not even get into the eBay orders that came in, and she just threw the unopened boxes into a room!

I tried cleaning out one room. My mother stood over me and refused to let me throw away 30-gallon bags of wire hangers and empty boxes to carpet shamooers (the shampooer boxes were at least 10-15 years old!). When she wouldn't let me throw away Garden Club newsletters from 1996 or a box of used aluminum foil (the foil had become so brittle that crushing it resulted in aluminum powder), I knew there was a bigger problem going on than just the junk. Hers turned out to be fueled by depression.

Hoarding can be a sign of mental illness, including depression. Before you get too angry with your bride of 42 years, please consider talking to her doctor about the possibility of this being an emotional indicator of something deeper.

You have my prayers, my friend.

RedTulipMom · Feb 27, 2008

There is a hole she is trying to fill with stuff..and it can only be filled by God. Is your wife a Christian? Does she go to church with you? Pray with her and for her that God will intervene and help her be filled with him and not "stuff". IF she starts hungering and thirsting for God's word the hole will start being filled. Bible study, bible reading, prayer etc will start convicting her and also wanting more of God.

Another suggestion while dealing with this issue..get her into garage saling and thrift store shopping..atleast then she won't be spending as much and can still get her shopping fix in. She seems to have an addiction...God can help her if she has faith and repents and turns to him for help.

Praying for you, wifey and the marriage dear man...and congrats on 42 yrs of marriage..

fisherman2 · Feb 27, 2008

I thank everyone for their reply's, like i said, i have tried, you can not tell someone, that see nothing wrong in what they do,,the fighting is not worth it. After a while, like i said you just give up..There is no light at the end of this tunnel..

fisherman2 · Feb 27, 2008

She has gone the auction route with her stuff, getting pennys on the dollar, now it's just hoard and save, the other day i threw out 9 cans of pie filling, who in the world needs or buys 9 cans, when they don't even bake,,see what i am dealing with, when and if i try talking to her all i get is....DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

hisbloodformysins · Feb 28, 2008

fisherman2 said:
Today is our anniversary, 42 years,, and I am sick of it..sick of the wasteful spending, the house looks like a junk yard, a fle market,,i am sick of it...always money for junk, but not bills..i am sick of it...i know nothing and this post will not help, but just getting it out...i would be happier homeless, at least i would have room to walk.
Just sick of it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwwwe

Is there any way you can possibly focus on the positive? I'm not tryng to put down your feelings, I just know that sometimes it's so easy to have or sights full of what is wrong with our spouse. I'm coming from 9 years of marriage, in your 42 years i'm sure you have a lot more wisdom to share! I know that when I make an effort to see the positive i sometimes feel better. I hope you get to feeling better! God Bless you!

HB

hisbloodformysins · Feb 28, 2008

BTW have you seen that movie "about shmidt?" your post kind of reminds me of that movie. I don't know about everyone else but I like that movie, I think it's funny and cute all at the same time!

HB

hisbloodformysins · Feb 28, 2008

HOPEOF9 said:
"quit ye like men"

COWBOY UP! Don't let her run all over you with this frivolous behavior anymore. If she was single, it would be different, but she isn't and she is disrespecting you and your requests by continuing behavior that you don't want her to continue in!
Where is your spine man?
At one point this happened to my father in law. He finally pulled a flat bed trailer up to the door of the house and started filling bags and throwing them on. It was so freeing and wonderful that he felt like the weight being thrown on that truck was coming straight off his shoulders!

Be encouraged, she loves you and you love her. You can do this! Confront it!

Yikes, you can't change someone. If he's focusing on her habbits or ways that she's done all these years, he can't change those things... just needs to learn how to deal with it in a way that helps him feel more satisfied. Though sometimes puttng your foot down does help. I'd hate to see your relationship hurt over a frivulous issue though esp. after all these years. Hope it works out.

bliz · Feb 28, 2008

You yourself said it early in the thread - your wife is sick. This kind of buying and hoarding comes from mental illness of some kind. Your wife needs professional help. She is not disrespecting you, she is not flaunting her behavior in your face; she is unable to control this behavior on her own.

Now, you can lie down and wait to die, (it could be a long wait) or you can try and get her some help. You have not mentioned trying to get her professional help before. Why not now? And don't tell us you are done - you wouldn't have posted here is you were ready to curl up and die. It takes a few phone calls. Perhaps you have the strength to make those before you expire.

Meanwhile, cancel the credit cards!!

I am sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!

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