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[hope4God]

Hello,
Not sure how to start. 22 months ago on Wednesday my husband passed away. He responded to a fire call with his volunteer fire department. It was a house totally on fire and very smokey. He was the first firefighter inside to find out if people were inside. No one saw that the fire had burned a hole in the floor and he fell into the basement. He was taken by helicopter to a trama hospital and passed away two days later. His air pack had run out of air.

He was 52, and I turned 50 five weeks after he passed away. I know that people say we knew the risks - yes you do, but you are never prepared. We had been married for 23 and 1/2 years. At the funeral there was so much protocal - it had to be in a nearby college gymnasium - over 3,000 firefighters were there! I was in such shock. Then there was the mountain of paperowork afterwards, we had to move, and I had to have knee surgery all in the following 11 months afterwards.

A month ago my sons (we have two who are in college - so I am an empty-nester too) and I went to the National Fallen Firefighter Memorial Service in Maryland. I felt that was my husband's funeral. At that service I felt I placed him to rest in peace, and when they gave me a folded American Flag it suddenly hit he was gone! My firefighter escort led me to my seat for I couldn't see through the tears and I don't remember walking - all I knew I was moving down this long aisle somehow to my seat.

Now, it is so hard. Today I had an eye exam and they wanted to dialate my eyes but couldn't for I came by myself. Things like this really bring the fact I am on my own to reality.

I just wanted to say hello and explain why I am here. I just need support and to help the a-lone-ness! I want to also help and pray for those I meet here.

God Bless you all -
Bonnie

 

[sadheart]

Bonnie, It does not matter how or how old your husband was when he died, it is still very very hard. I lost my husband of 40 years, he was 61, on July 27,2008. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April and was responding well to treatment but went to be with the lord 14 weeks later. I am 56 and some may think I should be grateful for 40 years, I am but I am still very lonely. He was my best friend and soul mate. I also was given a american flag at the burial. I know it is very hard when you think you are better and something reminds you of what you have lost. My husband was a born again Christian so I know I will see him again. This conforts me. I pray all the time because I know the only one that can give me peace is God. Do I still miss him and long for his voice and touch, yes but I know God is with me. I am sorry that you arfe having a hard time. I am glad that you joined this forum,it will be a great help. It helps talking to other people who are going through the same thing and understand your feelins. I understand about the eye doctor. My husband went everywhere with me. Lots of hugs and prayers.
Chris

 

[hope4God]

Chris,
Thank you for posting. I am sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like he was a great help, and comfort to you. I too pray a lot - I don't know how else to get through the day. You will be in my prayers. Bonnie

 

[singingwife]

Welcome, Hope4God. 22 months, 23 1/2 years, I imagine there is some sadness at hearing of 25th wedding anniversary celebrations? I may re-live some at what would've been our 10th! We only had 7 1/2 years; our 8th would've been this December. We did not have children.
While I'm not becoming an empty-nester, I get that it's probably a double-whammy. I'm experiencing one too; my only sibling who lived in close enough proximity went overseas for a year. So, with my family for holidays, it's just my parents and me. I am thankful for continued good relationships with in-laws, extended family, church family.........it's SO hard, though, isn't it?
Keep on sharing, sister.

 

[AussieK]

Hi Bonnie and welcome. What an incredible honour for you to see all those people at your hubbys funeral. I am sure they said amazing things about him. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this and it doesnt end does it. You are a little in front of me. My husband died 1 month and 4 days ago of melanoma. he became a full on christian in the last 3mths of his disease. We were married 23 years and he was only 46. I dont think time, age, sex or cause matter at all. its all pain. Its all loss. These forums are a place we can come and just vent without any repercussions or lectures from family members.
I know for certain that Jesus is the only way I am going to get through this. I am not working yet. I was his full time carer. He died at home right behind where I am sitting now. It was an incredible honour to care for him but it makes it so much sadder and I am now very empty with nothing to do. I am glad you didnt see your husband suffering for too long and that God allowed you a couple of days to be with him.
If I could have a coffee with you, great! But I cant so when you have one next know that I am thinking of you and that Jesus is your hubby now. Lean on him. He's very strong!!
Take care precious beautiful daughter of the most high God!