I am looking forward to divorce

[Electro]

Hello, Forum Friends.

I'm not a regular poster here, but I have gotten a lot from reading other people's stories and insights. I started a thread here a while ago, but can't post a link because of my low post count. If you do an advanced search for my user name, Electro, you can see it.

I got some good advice and input that I'm very thankful for. I include that link for reference and perspective, but I'm starting a new thread so I can just lay everything out. There's a lot in this story that is full of sin and shame, but I'm going to be 100% honest in hope that I can get real guidance for myself and any others that are in a situation similar to mine.

Please do not condemn me or tell me the sinful error of my ways in the past. I am well aware. I am trying to move forward, and would appreciate any responses that help me move forward rather than scolding me for the past that I cannot change.

Next post will be full of details. Please don't respond to this thread until my story is posted.

*edit to clarify:
I'm not *ACTUALLY* looking forward to divorce. My mind and my spirit are defeated. My flesh is telling me that if we divorce, I can be happy again. I know the enemy lies, and recognize this for what it is. The thread title is deliberately provocative to communicate my state of mind

 

[Electro]

It is taking me far longer than I expected to write everything. I want it to be purely honest and all-inclusive. Please excuse me for creating a thread with no real content at this point. It is coming. I hope to have it ready tonight, but it may not be ready until tomorrow.

*edit:
To help keep things clear, I'll create names for the characters involved:

Electro - Me
Sarah - My Wife

Mary - My ex-wife
Dan - My wife Sarah's ex-husband
Cletus - My wife Sarah's boyfriend from years past

Leo - 12 year old son of Sarah and Dan
Dottie - 21 year old Daughter of Sarah and Cletus
Tillie - 20 year old Daughter of Sarah and Cletus

Johnny - 13 year old adopted son of Electro and Mary

 

[Electro]

I'll post in bursts as I finish 'chapters'.


Prelude:
My wife and I are about to separate. We say we'll take some time and hopefully fall in love again and start with a clean slate. But, really, I don't know what will come of it. My mind and spirit are exhausted and weary. I hope and pray that God will heal us, individually and together.

My Family History:
I grew up in a Christian home. My parents are still married, and are very supportive of me and my sister. They are very kind, and have helped me in many ways throughout my adult life. However, my family tends to see their own as the 'good guys', while anyone we have a dissolved relationship with becomes the 'bad guys'. It's familial loyalty to a fault.

My Wife's Family History:
Grew up in horrible conditions. Mother was a drug addict who allowed my wife to be sexually molested by her many boyfriends and husbands. Father an alcoholic adulterer. They've both been married numerous times. However, they have managed to stay friendly and connected, but will not acknowledge the destructive lifestyles they live. They choose to pretend everything is okay, rather than admit that there was horrible child abuse, alcoholism, adultery, and the like throughout their lives. But they don't have 'good guys' and 'bad guys'. Everyone just pretends that it's all okay.

My History:
Generally good kid, smart and educated. I became a troubled teen that got involved with hallucinogens and the 'punk' lifestyle because it was fun and exciting. I made my parents miserable in my teenage years, and I broke their hearts with my behavior. They continued to love me and help me as best they knew how. They weren't perfect, but they tried with complete sincerity. I have apologized to my parents and am trying to honor them with my adult life. I've become independent, have a good career, and take care of myself.

My Wife's History:
Pregnant at 16. Shot in the face by her boyfriend (Cletus) while pregnant with a second child at 17, and it's a miracle she's alive today. Cletus is a career prisoner, always going back to jail for violating probation. She has nothing to do with him, but because of the 'small town' they all come from, he is still a factor. She became a stripper and drug addict. She found God, got clean, and pulled her life together. She managed to get a good job for several years that provided for herself, her kids, and her (now) ex-husband, Dan, who is a decent guy but an incompetent parent. Their marriage was an alcoholic disaster, and she left him after 7 years. They created her 3rd child, Leo, during this time.

 

[Electro]

My First Divorce:
I was married to a woman that I loved very deeply, Mary. In hindsight, we got married too young. We were both immature and not ready. I supported her via my stable career as she went through many odd jobs. She eventually went to school, got a nursing degree, and started a career of her own. During this time, her brother (a drug addict) had a child with his girlfriend (also an addict). The child's mother overdosed and died in front of their child, Johnny. CPS got involved, Johnny was taken from them, and we adopted him in order to keep him from being handed over to the state. It created turmoil in our marriage. I was not ready or willing to grow up and face the responsibilities. Mary tried, but was very intolerant of my inability to suddenly change literally every aspect of my life instantly. We became bitter toward each other, but I was sincerely trying to do my best, despite my failures. After 2 years, she very suddenly told me she wanted a divorce because I "drink too much, smoke too much, party too much", etc. I was blindsided - had no warning whatsoever. She then 'hooked up' with a guy, Evan, immediately after, that was everything she hated about me, but even more. He drank, smoked, partied far more than I did. If she hated these faults in me, why would she go to someone who had those same faults to a greater extent? I was angry and sad and confused. She was pregnant within 6 months, and is now married to him and between the 2 of them they have 4 children (2 from their union).

Sarah's Divorce:
She and Dan were broken from the start, and drank incessantly. He would wet the bed regularly and pass out drunk with their baby Leo in his arms while a cigarette burned in his hand. She decided she had enough and left him. He's now completely sober, but is an awful father. There is no discipline for his 12-year old son (my stepson), who is taught that he can do no wrong. There is no punishment for lying, no punishment for disrespect, nothing but praise for a horribly behaved kid. My wife cannot see her son as the lying, manipulative child that he is. She cannot see him as anything but an angel.

*This is emotionally exhausting for me, so I'm going to stop for the night. If it seems that I'm trying to convince you that I'm the innocent victim, I assure you that I will expose my sins very transparently in my next posts. Stay tuned to hear how awful I am...

 

[dayhiker]

What a story your telling, Electro ... I pray you find the peace and wisdom you need.

 

[Electro]

I'm removing this post for the moment to tighten up the chronology. It will be back in a more complete form.

 

[Electro]

I'm removing this post for the moment to tighten up the chronology. It will be back in a more complete form.

 

[DZoolander]

Wonder if his wife left him for starting stuff with intensity, but never finishing?