I am having problems with my relatives. Please help!

[hopeee]

Hi everyone. I have been having problems with my inlaws for the past 10 years! Ok, here goes the soap opera. Hopefully, you can give me some words of wisdom and advice on what to do.....

My husband's parents are just truly disfuntional! His father is mean and an alcoholic.... He treats his wife (my husband's mom) just horrible! He is just plain mean, and doesn't even talk to my husband! ( My mother-in-law), dislikes me.... I mean truly dislikes me.... When I talk to her she ignores me! She always tries to argue with me, and basically makes my life miserable when we visit her.... Okay here goes the big problem.... My husband's parents want to watch our children and have our two kids sleepover their house.... But, they don't watch our kids! This is the problem! They have absolutely no common sense, and basically just wait for preventable accidents to just happen! Plus, their house is messy. I mean real messy. Stuff is all over. They have flies, and ladybugs all over the house... It is just gross.... Old food is just rotting on the counters.....
I don't want them to watch the kids without my husband or me there! But, how do I say NO without starting WW3? They know that my kids sleep over my parent's home... They want to babysit, but I am afraid to leave the kids in their care. What can I say?
I also have a problem on my side of the family too. My sister's kid who is 5 hits my 3 year old... When I tell my sister that her daughter hit mine, and that my kid is hurt, she replies " Well I didn't see it happen, and maybe your daughter is lying? or maybe your kid hit my kid first?" It is a very sticky situation... My sister never disciplines her kid, and when you attempt to correct her daughter, she just says " Your not her mother and you have no right to discipline her"

So there you have it... I could talk about more family problems, but i didn't want to overwhelm you.... Any ideas?
Hope

 

[allieisme]

I dont think I would feel comfortable with my kids over there either, but I think I would say something about it, especially if there is flies..thats kind of nasty..What about if they watch them over at your house, and maybe you and your husband could go out for the night, or something
and with your sisters kids, i dont think that thats very nice of her to say to you period, and if she doesnt dicsipline her child, i would if she were to hit mine..

[SHADOW=skyblue]"Delight yourself in the Lord:and he will give your heart desires"[/SHADOW]

 

[amie]

Hi Hope ,
If you feel like your children will not be watched closely over there, then you could say no. You could share your concerns with them, I know about in-laws...my ex's mother was just horrible! ugh! I remember well, a little too well...but if you honestly feel that it is not a safe environment for your children, then you as their mother have a right to say no without feeling bad about it. Your children come first. regarding your niece, if your sister will not discipline when she hits, I think certainly you are in the right to say something, how else is she going to learn if she is not taught early whats right and whats wrong...I will keep you in my prayers regarding this situation, especially the one with your in-laws...best of luck to you and I have been there, it is rough! If you ever need to talk, you can PM me anytime, or e-mail me...I am there for you! with love and blessings...
Amie

 

[Mandy]

I totally agree with what has been said so far. You have the right to say something and you should. What does your husband say?
I will pray for you.

 

[Blessed-one]

awww hope!
i'll be praying.

 

[OldBadfish]

Praying for you Hope....

 

[Blynn]

I will pray for you and your family too hope.


I think you have every right to say no if you do not feel comfortable having your children stay over night.



God bless you
Roberta

 

[StogusMaximus]

Praying.

 

[Redeemed1]

I agree with everyone else. Your responsibility lies first with your children. I'm also curious as to what your husband's reaction is. I think if it were me, I'd ask him to be the one to explain it to his parents. IMO that's part of the "covering" he provides as your husband.

Life with in-laws can be quite tough!

 

[hopeee]

Thank you all for responding to my thread..I agree with you too. I will have to say NO to the inlaws, but how can I say this tactfully? Any ideas? My husband agrees with me too, but he is just a whimp! He doesn't stand up to his parents! So I am the one that is stuck dealing with these problems... The other problem is that my inlaws live in Another State! We visit them pretty often.... But, they always want to take the girls and babysit them ALONE. They want us to visit the other relatives and leave the kids in their care. They are getting pretty persistent on wanting this... They want the girls to stay for a week in the summer, and then they would drive them home.... I say NO WAY! I just don't trust them! WHat can I say to them that won't hurt their feelings? Should I make my husband say it since it is his parents? His sister leaves her kid with them all the time. (His sister doesn't watch her son at all!! It borders on neglect!)
Any advice on what I can say to my sister? When she tells me not to correct her daughter and just mind my own children, what can I say? Thanks, Hope

 

[Blynn]

You mentioned an alcoholic in the home. I was in a similar situation but in my own family. When I lived closer to my alcoholic relatives I would not allow my children around them when they were activly drinking. As a parent you have the right to have your children in a healthy environment.



Maybe these people need to hear the truth in love.


I know that this is a difficult situation and I will continue to pray for you.

God bless
Roberta

 

[hopeee]

Could anyone else offer suggestions on how to handle this problem? Hope

 

[sunnie63]

Oh Hope i know what you mean! I have trouble with some of my in-laws too, but not as bad as yours though. but I don't blame you for not wanting your kids to stay there. I wouldn't either that is just gross! I won't let my daughter stay with her grandma( my M-I-L) because my niece lives there too and she favors my niece and makes mine feel like she is bad and worthless. So I know where you are coming form I will pray for your situation.Can you just say the kids wouldn't feel comfortable being so far away for you?? That might work, I tell my M-I-L that and it is the truth, so maybe your kids feel the same?