I am consumed by my passions.

[Loving monster]

This is it. I knew I lost my mind and possible my redemption as a human when I became completely consumed with hatred. I dedicated yesterday to trying to feel better and in the span of one day: I killed some creatures, I screamed obcenities at a bunch of people for no other reason than I hated them. I've been switching between deep sadness and overwhelming hatred. I just want peace, It seems I will never get that even in death.

I don't want to be evil I just feel even remotely alive unless I am doing something cruel or hate or something that make people aknowledge I am alive. Not matter how much good I do people don't even want to know me. Let me do one act of evil and it seem at the very least they are force to aknowledge my existance. I shouldn't have bothered waking up today.

I want to apologize, for darkening the door step of this house of God. Why would a loving God make me? I am lost and enraged. What should I do?

 

[ChristsCourage2]

What I would do is read the bible, and, find all the verses you can about kindness, and, act on what they are telling you. Write a few of those verses down, and, keep them close to your heart, and, read them when you feel like wanting to hate on someone, or, something. I love Psalm 100 as my fave Psalm about joy, and, PRAISE. Just take this one step at a time, and, in time you will do better. And, also let the people you come in contact with all the time that you are trying to change, and, that you would appreciate it if they acknowledge you for the good things you do in life, and, not just the bad things. Take this to GOD in prayer, and, He will help you. And, don't be sorry for darkening GOD's doorstep. He is there for you, and will never forsake you when you need Him the most. GOD Bless, and, I hope that the ideas I have given work.

 

[Bellicus]

Hi Loving Monster. I have been thinking a lot about you after seeing your posts, and I really want you to have peace, but I am not sure what I can write to you to give you that. I have offered my PM-box if you feel you need someone to talk with. To me it seems like you are struggling with something difficult, but I don't know what that is. So all that I can say is that if you need me I am here for you.

God bless.

 

[Loving monster]

Hi Loving Monster. I have been thinking a lot about you after seeing your posts, and I really want you to have peace, but I am not sure what I can write to you to give you that. I have offered my PM-box if you feel you need someone to talk with. To me it seems like you are struggling with something difficult, but I don't know what that is. So all that I can say is that if you need me I am here for you.

God bless.

I need help. I dont know where to really go for it.

 

[Everlasting33]

I want you to think about this quote:

"We frail humans are at one time capable of the greatest good and, at the same time, capable of the greatest evil. Change will only come about when each of us takes up the daily struggle ourselves to be more forgiving, compassionate, loving, and above all joyful in the knowledge that, by some miracle of grace, we can change as those around us can change too."
Mairead Maguire

 

[Loving monster]

I wish I could just end it. End the evil or the good it doesn't matter. I just want to feel somewhat at peace.

 

[Bellicus]

I know it sounds simplistic, but you can go to God to find help.

Gal 5,16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

or with contemporary English version:

Gal 5,16 If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires.

or with the amplified bible:

Gal 5,16But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God).

As we are in ourselves we are not able to do much good. The bible says clearly that humans are evil and that there are no good people at all. And Paul describes how he is doing not what he wants to do, but the things that he don't want to do.

There is a conflict between what God wants, as we can see in our own conscience, where it either judges us or not, and with what our human nature wants. And it is our human nature that makes us do what we don't want to do. And since we are our human nature, there is not much we can do about it. We are slaves to all kinds of passions and desires that is only going in a big circle where there is no satisfaction to be found, where we never will be released until death.

But Jesus came to earth to take our sins on himself, so that we can be free. And if you believe that, then you are not "loving monster", but you are just "loving", and the monster is being carried by Him. He is made into the "abomination".

And this are not just words if you follow Him. If you stay in Him, he will stay in you and you will be free to do what is good and what builds you up, instead of what is bad and only destroy you.

 

[Everlasting33]

If peace is a choice, what do you choose?

 

[UnitynLove]

Who and what are you angry at?