I am angry with God ... I need to fix this

[Sandye]

My only child who has been married for 5 years had desparately been trying to become pregnant. After two years of fertility treatments, the doctors suggested artificial insemination. We were thrilled because she was finally with child - twins! After a few weeks, she became very sick and had to be in the hospital for a month. I begged God to spare her life and the life of her babies. I begged Him to ease her suffering and bless her because I know that He is the giver of all life and that He is in control of all. I reminded Him of the countless children who are thrown in the garbage can daily and how very much loved these children would be.

He ignored me and allowed my beloved daughter to suffer in extreme pain for a very long time. She lost her job because she ran out of FMLA time, and God killed her babies. She came out of this ordeal with ill health, no job, a husband who did not know how to deal with the situation, and no children.

I know that God can do whatever He wants to do because He alone is almighty, powerful, and in total control. I have not lost my faith - He is my father for now and forever. He tells me in his Word that He is a better parent than I could be because His love is pure. I would never kill my grandbabies - how could He? I am pro-life and the thought of abortion breaks my heart. The knowledge that God killed my grandchildren is almost more than I can bear. I know that there are those who believe that God doesn't kill, but I know that nothing happens in this world unless God allows it because everything is subject to Him.

People tell me to remember Job. This doesn't comfort me at all. The story of Job only serves to remind me that Satan can enter into God's presence and ask permission to devestate one of God's children and that God gives Satan permission and even chooses who to inflict great misery and pain on.

I am sorry I am rambling, but I can't understand how God can allow people to become pregnant over and over and abort millions of children but deny a loving family the opportunity to love a very much wanted baby. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Our family has been suffering with this issue for a very long time and I would like to feel that God loves me again. I will always love Him, but I feel that He has removed His love far from me and my family. Thank you.

 

[perfection]

When children die here on earth , there's always a spiritual lesson to be learned for as well as the baby as the parents. It is said that before a soul will continue it's journey into heaven, it has to go back to earth and say goodbye to all that which is 'materialistic' in order to switch this for a spiritual life.

This counts as wel as for you and your daughter, you two are so desperatly focussing on getting babies that you two are leading a un-natural life which in cause results in disease and suffering.

Life is a gift that God gives and takes. You cannot 'force' it. And this is the life lesson for you and your daughter to be learned. And this is the reason , you wanted to bend 'gods will' into your street of liking, instead of letting nature decide when it was time for her to concieve children.

You and your daughter should see it more like a lottery ticket, you buy a ticket, but wether you win the lottery is only a question of wait and see.

I hope this makes you understand your and your daughters pain,suffering and hate towards God was self-induced and not caused by God.

The souls of your grandbabies, are still very much alive and know you and your daughter are grieving and praying for them. It's only by this way that god can makes you try to understand why this happened.

 

[Sandye]

I really don't think that there is anything wrong with a couple undergoing fertility treatment because they want a family. It was never an all-consuming focus, but many young couples desire children and try to conceive using various methods. That is not desparation, it is a desire to have a family. The only desparation involved is that she is 32 year old, suffers from PCOS, and the chances of her ever being able to conceive diminish continually. I didn't choose the fertility treatment - that decision was made by my daughter and her husband. I didn't know until much later because they didn't want to get my hopes up.

My life is not at all un-natural. I don't spend 24/7 focusing on this issue, but it is one that I would like to put in it's proper place because I don't understand it. I think if you carefully re-read what I wrote, you will see that there was never any mention of hatred towards God. The exact opposite was expressed throughout my post.

I never wanted to bend God's will to my liking. I prayed for Him to spare the lives of my grandchildren. That is an appropriate thing to do. As I stated in my original message, I know that God is almighty, all powerful, and does what He wants because He is in full control. I know from years of experience that God does what He wants and that's it. I just don't understand why He allowed her to get pregnant and then killed the babies. I don't hate God ... I love Him with all my heart, and I don't think that I indicated anywhere that I hate God. My feeling is that God has removed His love from me.

I appreciate the time that you took to respond to my message. That was a very kind thing for you to do. I think, however, that you may not have understood what I was saying, or perhaps I wasn't articulate enough in expressing the situation.

 

[perfection]

The Cycle of the Soul

http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

The laws of reincarnation, karma and twin souls proved to be loving and meaningful.

The answers to all the "how's and why's" to why God seemingly is letting your daughter suffer, but in fact is loving and righteous is described and explained in this book that describes the Cyclus of the Soul.

 

[Sandye]

Are you a Christian?

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

I lost my son. We tried for a while to get pregnant and finally did. At 9 weeks i started bleeding heavily for 4 weeks non stop. At 13 weeks i had my son at home. let me post my testimony i wrote about it all.
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Almost 4 months ago Matthew and I lost someone very dear to our hearts. Someone who we prayed for and hoped and dreamed for. We lost our son. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, I didn’t believe it!!! I didn’t know what to think. I was on cloud 9. God had finally answered my prayers.

Everything was going great, I was feeling good, and everything was fine. Until I was 9 weeks along. I started having some complications. I ended up being off work for a month.

In that time we saw our son Ryley once a week at my doctor’s appointments. We got to see him move and grow 1-2 times a week that whole month. It was the most amazing thing!!! He was so perfect. It was great seeing him wiggle around, seeing his heart beating. The first time we heard his little heartbeat. Those were the happiest 3 months of my life despite the problems I was having. I would go through it all again. I was head over heels in love with him.

The last doctor’s appointment I had was March 3rd. We went in at 11am and we saw Ryley had grown so much since the last week. He was asleep at first and then the doctor woke him up moving the u/s thing around. It was so cute. I was so assured that everything was fine. The doctor told me she was 99% sure that the baby would be ok.

I went home that night thinking all would be fine. I began having horrendous pains for about 2 hours straight. And then I had my son. I was devastated, heartbroken, and empty. Looking at his perfect little face, all my hopes and dreams for him were gone. I held my lifeless little baby boy in my hands and cried and cried.

Never once was I mad at God. I asked “why” thousands of times, but I was never mad at Him. I know that everything happens for a reason. And I know that we can never try to understand the works of God.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all

I may never know exactly why God chose us for this to happen to, but in our sorrow He has blessed me with the opportunity to witness and encourage other women who are in the same situation.

Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. “ Good has come out of this tragedy. I have strengthened my relationship with the Lord and I am able to witness and encourage other women. God is giving me peace and comfort daily.

I joined several message boards online where women share their stories and others can respond. I have shared my story with them and made many new friends who I have been able to share my faith with and give some words of encouragement to. Many of these women have lost all faith in God b/c they see Him being a loving God and then why would He take their child away. I tell them different. Some don’t want to hear it, but others are so thankful that I came into their life and helped them.

Instead of turning from God in this terrible time I have turned to Him more. If He wasn’t in my life I couldn’t be up here today. I can truly say He is my comfort and my strength.

John 16:33:

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” The Lord gives me peace, He calms the storms in my life.

I know that in His time He will bless us with a child again. No matter what happens in the future, I will always praise the Lord.

I will always wonder what my son would have been like. His personality, looks, mannerisms, voice, etc…. I will always have a space in my heart for my son. I will never forget him and will always consider him to be my first child.

Many people have told me to move on and get on with life. People have been rather harsh actually. Nobody understands that I lost my son. Regardless of how far along I was or wasn’t, that was my son. I can’t speed up the grieving process. I wish I could, but I can’t. I wish I could be fine right now. I think of Ryley everyday. I think I am moving on b/c I go on with life. I do look to the future, but I will never forget my son.

I think I am at peace now because I don’t cry that much anymore. I can talk about him and I have such calmness in my heart now. I don’t feel the turmoil that I felt before. I do still cry, but that’s life. That’s what happens when you lose a child.

Isaiah 53:4a says

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows,

Jesus understands my pain, but I don think anyone can understand until they have experienced it. At first I didn’t want people’s sympathy, but when I didn’t get it I really felt alone and abandoned. I felt like nobody cared except for the few people who offered me comfort. And I thank them so much for that. If it wasn’t for those few people, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to come back to the church.

I realized that it doesn’t matter who is or isn’t there for me. The Lord is with me always. In 1 Peter 5:7 it says “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I know the Lord cares for me and is their for me.

Romans 5:3-4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;And patience, experience; and experience, hope

I have been through a lot and I am thankful for it all because I am stronger. Losing my son has made me such a stronger person. I am more compassionate and understanding now. I really value life a lot more. I cherish every second the Lord gives me.
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Trials are designed by God to draw us closer to him and build our character.

" When life is rosy, we may slide by with knowing about Jesus, with imitating him and quoting him and speaking of him. But only in suffering will we KNOW Jesus."

We learn things about God in suffering that we cant learn any other way.

Problems force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves.

You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.

Regardless of the cause, none of your problems could happen without Gods permission. Everything that happens to a child of God is Father-filtered, and he intends to use it for good even when Satan and others mean it for bad.

God never wastes a hurt.
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i dont know if any of that was of use to you, and i dont know what your daughter went through. all our expierences are different. i know the pain of losing a child though. God didnt kill my son. God did take my son to be home with him in Heaven though. i never thought i would see any of my kids die. and i lost my first. Never did i lose my faith though. i just think.... my children arent really mine. God is letting me take care of them while here on earth. whenever He calls them Home is up to Him, He is PERFECT and makes no mistakes.
I know through my loss i have drawn closer to God. I still have tons more growing to do, but He gets me through all hard times.

 

[Strong in Him]

I'm so sorry to read of your pain, Sandye. I'm afraid I have no answers to give. I don't know why these things happen, though I am sure that it's neither your fault, or your daughter's. I don't believe that things like this are a punishment from God, although it may seem like it at the moment.

I haven't got children, so haven't been in your position. But I did lose my younger brother when I was just 4. Even now, the pain and questions are still sometimes there. I do feel now that even if God were to tell me exactly why he allowed it to happen, it would probably be not consolation at all - Andrew's still dead. But I have only come to this position gradually, nearly 40 years after the event. I certainly could not have done so when it was all still very raw.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel, or how you should grieve. It's a very individual thing. Also, tell God you are mad with him - he knows anyway.

Hope you will find lots of support during this sad time.

 

[Maharg]

Hi Sandye,

I don't understand all of this stuff either. I am so sorry for your loss. The pain of loss can make it hard to trust God, because how can we trust in His protection? However, despite it not making any sense to us to actually trust God when he has allowed such pain, there does come a peace in trusting Him. Please tell God how you are feeling, and keep telling Him. He does love you. I honestly don't understand why He allows things like this, and I have been struggling today with this issue. I have found that if I keep on trusting in God, things do fall into their proper places, but I know how incredibly hard it is.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

God bless.

love,

Maharg

 

[Konstantinos]

To me and most other Orthodox I know (At home) Death is another part of Life, Do not think of death as you will never see that person again. You will see them again. and you will live together inn eternal bliss for all Eternity. Unto the ages of ages..

 

[domi]

Hey.. i know u Konstantionos... u post in the coptic orthodox fourm

I'm sry about what happned to you Sandye I relay am. the most important thing to remeber is that sometimes we don't understand why god does things..life is full of crazyness and it bites. But u know what if u loose ur faith in god it's just going to make things so much worse and i'm sure that u dun want that to happen. God loves u and he allways will. And god loves ur daughter too. Things r going to get better i promise. And even if her husband doens't know what to do quite right now he'll learn. And she will get pregnat again, maby this time just wasn't her time. Don't wry about it dear things will be ok. And about her job you know what, if they rn't understanding about the time she needed to get over it then screw them, who needs to be working for people like that. She is probly going to find a better job. U have nothing to wory about. Be strong and try to handle ur situation. God loves u and he allways will. Never loose ur faith.