I am a convert and I have been straying from the Church

[Flute28]

Hi, I went through a powerful conversion in 2010 when I was almost 32 years old. I prayed the rosary twice a day, for the most part, unless it was a religious holiday or I was in serious contemplation. I felt called to a cloister, but no one would allow me to start the process, because of my psychiatric diagnosis. I suppose you could say that I got my heart broken, and then when I sought out marriage, I got my heart broken again. I moved to a different city about four years ago, and I changed parishes, but I never actually became a member. The last communication with the priest I had was to tell him that I thought Satan was trying to possess me, because I was experiencing these three symptoms: depression, self-harm, and thoughts of suicide. He advised me to go to my priest, but what I didn't have the chance to tell him was that I didn't have a priest at that time. I haven't gone back to that church since then. So, I haven't been going to mass at all. I have been struggling with depression and not knowing where to go. I pray the rosary sometimes, but not every day. I really want to be a nun or married, because it hurts me just to be a single person with no higher calling. But I don't know if that is ever going to happen. I would really like to come back to the Church. It's just that I feel so insecure that I have committed some horrible sins.

 

[Red Fox]

I know I'm not Catholic or Christian, but I'm truly sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm sorry you are struggling.

I sincerely hope you find the answers you need and your heart is healed from your pain and distress.

 

[LivingWordUnity]

Judging from the information you have given us, I think all you need to do to be reconciled to the Church is find a good local parish, and confess your sins to a priest in the confessional. Your other issue is more difficult. Perhaps you might find someone to marry, but not everyone is called to marriage. And not everyone is called to religious orders. You can still develop a personal relationship with Jesus as a single Catholic.

I recommend looking into Jesus' Divine Mercy. I created a thread on it (here).

May God bless and heal you.

 

[Flute28]

Thank you for all your help, both of you!

 

[Fantine]

Praying for you, Flute 28. It may be that we are called differently at different times of life. Right now God is calling you to be healthy, because we need to become healthy to have healthy relationships with others and with Him. And while prayer is certainly a good foundation for mental health, sometimes counseling and medical intervention are necessary.

It takes humility and patience to make that journey, and I hope that you have friends and family in your life who will travel with you. And although a spiritual director isn't a therapist, a spiritual director might help you to reach the state of readiness you need to become healthy.

 

[kit]

Thank you for all your help, both of you!

scrupulosity is kind of common when one first finds the Church. You are probably settling into a more normal routine. You may want to avail yourself of the sacrament of unction.

 

[FlyingTurtle]

I'm not catholic... actually I never cared much for denominations, I just wanna do my best to follow Christ to the best of my abilities... so perhaps my perspective will not be as helpful...

In my experience, God's answer to all our problems is, in one way or another, found in Christ. I would say do your best to seek after Christ. Not what people say about Him (although that is also good) but Christ Himself. Because I believe He makes Himself real to those who draw near to Him. Remember, He died for you before you were born, how much more would He not do for you? Draw near to His heart, and you will find healing for yours.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Hi, I went through a powerful conversion in 2010 when I was almost 32 years old. I prayed the rosary twice a day, for the most part, unless it was a religious holiday or I was in serious contemplation. I felt called to a cloister, but no one would allow me to start the process, because of my psychiatric diagnosis. I suppose you could say that I got my heart broken, and then when I sought out marriage, I got my heart broken again. I moved to a different city about four years ago, and I changed parishes, but I never actually became a member. The last communication with the priest I had was to tell him that I thought Satan was trying to possess me, because I was experiencing these three symptoms: depression, self-harm, and thoughts of suicide. He advised me to go to my priest, but what I didn't have the chance to tell him was that I didn't have a priest at that time. I haven't gone back to that church since then. So, I haven't been going to mass at all. I have been struggling with depression and not knowing where to go. I pray the rosary sometimes, but not every day. I really want to be a nun or married, because it hurts me just to be a single person with no higher calling. But I don't know if that is ever going to happen. I would really like to come back to the Church. It's just that I feel so insecure that I have committed some horrible sins.

Confession brings relief. Takes the world off the shoulders.
Peace be with you.