Ok, my husband's in the military, and will be going out on ship soon. He has an anger problem. We both need counseling, but he's gonna be gone. All I can do is try to contact people on my own to get it so that he can possibly get the counseling while I'm in a different state, bc I don't think he'll do it on his own.
In any event, he seems to look at my problems, and make them seem huge. For instance, I use to be controlling, and stopped being controlling. Every once in a great while, he'll make a comment showing that it still bugs him though. What bugs me the most, is he cares way too much that my parents sheltered me, and I was spoiled. I did learn to not be a brat as I got older, and in some ways, I wasn't spoiled too. For instance, they let me get away with too much, such as getting bad grades, not finishing school, not having enough structure. But when it comes to getting what I want, I wouldn't just get any material thing I wanted. If I had the allowance, or on occasion like Christmas, school shopping, or maybe summer clothes.. stuff like that, I mean I got stuff now and then, but it's your normal stuff, nothing extravagent. I couldn't just ask for something and get it. They failed to teach me how to handle money. They recently discussed that and agreed that they should have, and failed to.
The point is, he acts like I don't know how to do anything or something. He says he doesn't blame me, but he makes me feel bad about the fact of having little life experience. I've come a long way though, bc I use to sit around and be constantly lazy, but I actually get myself to do things now. If I need a job, I go out and do what I can to get one. I need to learn to drive, so I try to get someone to take me to practice. I do things for myself. He points out that if he needed me to do the whole rent thing while he's gone, I wouldn't know how to do it. I dunno, the way he says it makes it sound like I'm incompitent. It's like I have to proove that I'm not stupid or something. I said "Well, maybe if we go over it, and I learn what to do.. I'm not unable to learn! It's not my fault I don't know this stuff yet".
It also doesn't help that he had very negative parents. He also lived with his grandmother for a long time who would make him feel like he was never good enough. Like everything he did was bad. It seems like he looks at me that way sometimes.
This is what gets me. He almost feels reluctant to let me have access to our money, because he got stolen from and "just because I'm his wife doesn't mean I won't betray him". What. The. Heck. I told him that is unfair to me. The guy that took his money, he didn't even know that long. He knows me. The guy also had a character of ruining people's lives. I um, obviously don't. I mean, I do have access to our money, but it's the principle.
He doesn't show me the respect that he wants me to show him. He gets mad at me over stupid stuff. If I were to try to tell him he doesn't respect me, he'd just get mad and probably mention separation "because see, this is how I treat you, and I don't want to treat you that way, so maybe we should separate." Yea, good, run from the problem instead of fixing it? He's had it in his head his whole life "this is how it is.."
Let me put it this way.. His grandmother said (in some sort of wording) that our marriage is doomed because we got married young. I had to rebuke what she said. Being around her for like 20 minutes drove me crazy and felt draining. I had to constantly try to make positive comments to try to keep things uplifting. Even then, she'd find some way to disagree with what I said.
In any event, he seems to look at my problems, and make them seem huge. For instance, I use to be controlling, and stopped being controlling. Every once in a great while, he'll make a comment showing that it still bugs him though. What bugs me the most, is he cares way too much that my parents sheltered me, and I was spoiled. I did learn to not be a brat as I got older, and in some ways, I wasn't spoiled too. For instance, they let me get away with too much, such as getting bad grades, not finishing school, not having enough structure. But when it comes to getting what I want, I wouldn't just get any material thing I wanted. If I had the allowance, or on occasion like Christmas, school shopping, or maybe summer clothes.. stuff like that, I mean I got stuff now and then, but it's your normal stuff, nothing extravagent. I couldn't just ask for something and get it. They failed to teach me how to handle money. They recently discussed that and agreed that they should have, and failed to.
The point is, he acts like I don't know how to do anything or something. He says he doesn't blame me, but he makes me feel bad about the fact of having little life experience. I've come a long way though, bc I use to sit around and be constantly lazy, but I actually get myself to do things now. If I need a job, I go out and do what I can to get one. I need to learn to drive, so I try to get someone to take me to practice. I do things for myself. He points out that if he needed me to do the whole rent thing while he's gone, I wouldn't know how to do it. I dunno, the way he says it makes it sound like I'm incompitent. It's like I have to proove that I'm not stupid or something. I said "Well, maybe if we go over it, and I learn what to do.. I'm not unable to learn! It's not my fault I don't know this stuff yet".
It also doesn't help that he had very negative parents. He also lived with his grandmother for a long time who would make him feel like he was never good enough. Like everything he did was bad. It seems like he looks at me that way sometimes.
This is what gets me. He almost feels reluctant to let me have access to our money, because he got stolen from and "just because I'm his wife doesn't mean I won't betray him". What. The. Heck. I told him that is unfair to me. The guy that took his money, he didn't even know that long. He knows me. The guy also had a character of ruining people's lives. I um, obviously don't. I mean, I do have access to our money, but it's the principle.
He doesn't show me the respect that he wants me to show him. He gets mad at me over stupid stuff. If I were to try to tell him he doesn't respect me, he'd just get mad and probably mention separation "because see, this is how I treat you, and I don't want to treat you that way, so maybe we should separate." Yea, good, run from the problem instead of fixing it? He's had it in his head his whole life "this is how it is.."
Let me put it this way.. His grandmother said (in some sort of wording) that our marriage is doomed because we got married young. I had to rebuke what she said. Being around her for like 20 minutes drove me crazy and felt draining. I had to constantly try to make positive comments to try to keep things uplifting. Even then, she'd find some way to disagree with what I said.
