My husband has a few single guy friends he has worked with over the years. How do you feel about them hanging out together? He has a friend that lives far away and knew last week he would be in town on business. However, he didn't give a forewarning. He waited until tonight while I was fixing dinner to call and see if my husband could meet him for "drinks". We don't drink and I don't really think a married man should be hanging out in a bar. I suggested to my husband he remind his friend that he is "married with children" now and ask his friend to give him a couple of days notice next time and I would fix them dinner here at the house and me and the kids could go shopping or something to let them catch up on old times. Is that good advice or am I being unreasonable?
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Husbands with single guy friends
- Thread starter skeith
- Start date
MERCY@GRACE
Well-Known Member
skeith said:
I think that was reasonable, but the real question is 'how' did you deliver your message? We may be in the minority- but I don't think a bar is a place for a married CHRISTIAN man to be..........unless GOD told him to go witness there!
I don't mind hubby having single friends- but I'd certainly mind the partying- as most single guys are 'looking'- and lets not be foolish-attitudes are contagious at times. I've heard many stories of married men hanging out w/ single guys wanting to adopt their lifestyle. Of course you also have those that are single that desire the married life as well! You as his wife are his covering and you can share how you don't think it is a wise move to hang out at a bar.
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andiesmama
Senior Contributor
My hubby has a single friend that he works with, and they hang out occasionally. Last weekend, they went to a comedy club (I was out of town in Kentucky, Andie was with his mom & dad for the weekend). Sometimes they'll go out for a beer after work on Friday. I honestly don't have a problem with it, but that's just me...
Edit to add: other times, my hubby & I will go out to dinner with him & his girlfriend, so it's not like they hang out just the 2 of them, all the time...
Edit to add: other times, my hubby & I will go out to dinner with him & his girlfriend, so it's not like they hang out just the 2 of them, all the time...
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Solitaire
...the extraordinaire!
Most of my husband's mates are still single, so there was a little bit of iffiness when we got married. Fortunately they are quite good at respecting that we are a couple now, and hardly ever just drop in without warning. However I encourage dh to still spend time with his mates, because they still need to know they are important to him (if just a little further down the list of priorities, poor dears!).
I think your offer was reasonable, especially because you have kids (for me, if it was a once off I would have sent him off to meet the friend because we don't have kids). But what I think was weird was this business about the bar. Most guys I know just like going to the pub to shoot some pool, drink a beer and just be manly. I suppose it just isn't the same when you are in the marital home, eating a meal wifey dear has prepared, surrounded by the wife's furnishings etc. I personally don't have a problem with my dh meeting up with a few single mates at a pub. I'm not worried about how he'll behave because I trust him absolutely. In fact, he spends half the time trying to set his friends up with any girl in there, and gets a kick out of that, rather than flirting with girls for himself!
I think your offer was reasonable, especially because you have kids (for me, if it was a once off I would have sent him off to meet the friend because we don't have kids). But what I think was weird was this business about the bar. Most guys I know just like going to the pub to shoot some pool, drink a beer and just be manly. I suppose it just isn't the same when you are in the marital home, eating a meal wifey dear has prepared, surrounded by the wife's furnishings etc. I personally don't have a problem with my dh meeting up with a few single mates at a pub. I'm not worried about how he'll behave because I trust him absolutely. In fact, he spends half the time trying to set his friends up with any girl in there, and gets a kick out of that, rather than flirting with girls for himself!
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snarfywarning
Thy will, not my will, Savior!
Yeah. I am pretty much with solitare. If i was of age, I would ask to come along and shoot pool with them. (or have a drink, root beer for me please, or whatever it is they were doing there)
At the bars in our town, they don't card unless you are getting drinks, so we usually go with our single friends to play pool or go dancing. I encourage him to go without me sometimes, because he doesn't have that many friends, but he doesn't like to go without me, because he says it will be boring.
I guess I can't give you much advice then to just have him finish up dinner with you and then after dinner go to grab a drink (alky or not, you can still get pop in a bar!) with his friend. That way you get to have a lovely dinner with your man, and then he gets to spend time with his friends.
Do you have trust issues with your husband? Has he given you any reason for you to not trust him at a bar?
At the bars in our town, they don't card unless you are getting drinks, so we usually go with our single friends to play pool or go dancing. I encourage him to go without me sometimes, because he doesn't have that many friends, but he doesn't like to go without me, because he says it will be boring.
I guess I can't give you much advice then to just have him finish up dinner with you and then after dinner go to grab a drink (alky or not, you can still get pop in a bar!) with his friend. That way you get to have a lovely dinner with your man, and then he gets to spend time with his friends.
Do you have trust issues with your husband? Has he given you any reason for you to not trust him at a bar?
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Um, all my husband's friends are single. Some have live-in GFs but they still can come and go as they please. If he wants to hang out with them I won't stop him. My husband goes to bars, he doesn't drink so normally it's just to play pool. Sometimes I used to go with but I haven't been to a bar in eight months. I decided it wasn't the type of place I wanted to be but if my husband wanted to go with a friend or two I wouldn't stop him.
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I think it's ok. My best friend, practically brother is still single and we still hang out from time to time. Not all the time anymore, but sometimes. It depends on if you constantly neglect your spouse, then there's a problem.
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