Husbands inappropriate content addiction

[whereloveandmercymeet]

What if he has nowhere to go and we can’t afford another place ? Do you have any ideas for that? I do think it’s the best solution from the way things have gone in the past but don’t know how to practically make it work.

Maybe if you can lay it out to him that the next breech is it and he’d have to go and make him sleep on the sofa until he could leave.

Note: It’s not the way I’d go but it might be a compromise for you if you did want to.

 

[SleepingAtLast]

Thank you so much. The more I have been praying about this I do feel like that may be the best way to go about this. And I agree with your boat analogy. I even asked him today about it and he lied to my face. I gave him the opportunity to talk about it and get my help but even though he knows the lies hurt me more, that’s still what he did. The only problem with asking him to leave until he gets things under control, is I really don’t know that he would have anywhere to go. And we couldn’t financially afford another place. Do you have any advice or ideas of how we could manage a separation when there’s nowhere else to go?

I know this is going to sound cold-hearted, but that is something that he is going to have to figure out, and he will figure it out. The men that I know who put themselves in the same situation and got kicked out found places to go. You just have to remember the reasons that you are doing this:
1. For your emotional well-being, because this has been really painful for you.
2. For his well-being, as if he gets the help he needs he is going to have such a better quality of life.
3. For the sake of your marriage--it is only going to improve if he gets help.
4. For your children's safety.

The hope here is that he is going to be shocked out of this damaging lifestyle he has had going on for a decade and realize that he is losing his wife, his children, his house, etc. and that change is the only way he is going to get those back. So you aren't kicking him out in anger, you are just kicking him out because his lifestyle is damaging you and your family and has the potential to grow even more harmful. You are kicking him out in love, wanting him to find the help he needs so that he can live a better life. I guarantee you that when he is in his right mind, he doesn't want to live the way he is anymore. He just hasn't had enough willingness and humility, or in his mind enough reason, to get help.

He will find a place to go. At this point you just have to let him figure that out for himself. Perhaps you have relatives on either side of your families he could go stay with, or he will figure something else out. It at least puts him in a situation where he can think that the easiest thing would be for him to get to move back in with his wife and kids, but in order to do that he will know he has to do something about his behavior.

 

[Aviela]

My husband has struggled with inappropriate content since before marriage and continues in the cycle of me finding out, askinghim, him lying until he realizes I’ve seen, then confessing and apologizing saying he won’t do it again. I always forgive and offer to support him if he’ll just be honest about it. This time it seems the content has gotten worse and he’s consistently searching for things about incest like brother/ sister, father/daughter, and we have 3 young kids at home. With 1 being a daughter this really frightens me. Should I be worried about their safety if this type of inappropriate content is what interests him? What should I do? I’m not even sure how to approach this anymore as each time seems to escalate and him just finding better ways to hide it. I wish we could afford counseling but can’t. And I’ve asked him about going but he says no. How should I handle this?

I know from experience that we cannot change other people despite our overwhelming desire to have healthier relationships but we can help heal and protect ourselves and our children...the innocents. I hope and pray you find effective support and healing. I found it helpful to switch my focus onto my health and to protecting any children that may be in my life.