Husbands friends!!

[~PICKLE~]

My husband and I are having a little tiff, and we've talkrd til we're blue in the face. As some know my husband is a recovering addict and alcoholic for almost 4 years now. Well, wouldn't ya think that someone that has quit drinking would stay away from people that do.
Well, my husband has this friend here where we live, this man is a drunk and a pill head. Not a nice drunk either, a rude and loud and annoying drunk. The kind that talks about women like there a piece of meat. I can't hate this man, but this man is on my last nerve and I;ve told my husband I dislike him and wished he's wouldn't hang around him. But my husband thinks I'm trying to control him, by telling him who he can hang around. I admit the choice of friends isn't to great to choose from, but any body would be better than this man. I'm always afraid My husband is gonna fall off the wagon hanging around him, plus his attutide changes too, and that worries me. I didn't say he couldn't have friends, I just wish the choice of them was better. Can anybody give me suggestions on what to do. Should I leave it alone or what. I just feel like this man is coming between me and my husband. Please help!!!

 

[bliz]

I fully agree with you that this "friend' is probably not going to do much good for your husband and is certainly not a good influence.

However, you cannot choose your husband's friends for him. Oh, you can invite people over to the house, but that doesn't mean your husband will feel comfortable with them or that he will care to form friendships with them. How would you react if your husband tried to select your friends?

Is it possoble that your husband hangs around with him in part to show you that you can't control him? Does he feel that you are controlling in other areas of your life together? Everyone needs to feel that they have control over their own lives.

What continuing help is you husband getting for his addictions? Does he go to any support groups on a regular basis? Does he continue to receive any counseling? If he were, he would be getting the message that he needs to be highly selective of his friends and companions there and it wouldn't become an issue between the two of you.

Since I don't think your requests that he stop seeing this guy are going to have any effect, I would suggest that you leave it alone. You might have one last stab at it and say something like "You know I wish that you would not spend time with Larry becasue of his drinking and his attitudes that seem to rub off on you. I have probably mentioned this to you way too often, but it is a concern of mine. But this is going to be the last time I bring it up. You know my feelings, so I am not going to repeat them to you again. I'm sorry if I've been a nag about it. You are my husband and I love you very much." And then leave it there.

Call a friend and yell about it, write a post here and vent, but don't bring it up to him again... not in word or action. If he leaves the house and you are rude and snippy becasue you know where he's going, that is nagging his about it just as if you were using words. I know that would be very hard to do, but it's the only way I can see that leaves him free to, if and when he chooses, to discontinue his relationship with "Larry".

 

[WolfGate]

Yes, he's playing with fire. As I tell my children all the time, the best way to stay out of trouble is to avoid/run from the temptation.

But you can't make someone do that. Hopefully he won't get burned, because he is playing with fire. Hopefully if he does, you'll be able to love and support him the way he'll need.

 

[desi]

Perhaps you could tell your husband his friend is sort of cute and act bashful when his friend is around. Also go with your husband when he meets his friend and sit near his friend keeping up the act, but not too obvious.

 

[~PICKLE~]

desi, that's way to funny, cause this man is a 50 year old dirty old man. Please pray for my husband and I. This tiff has gotten really bad. I have prayed about it and tried to ignore it, but it is really hard. I feel like the protecter in my family, ya know. And this is out of my hands, I don't want him to fall on his face because of this man, cause if he does he will fall hard and fast and I can't stay around and watch him do that. What is really bad about it is this man reminds me of my father to the tee. And out of my 27 years I've really have'nt had a relationship with my father. I have told my hubby this and he ignores me. Bliz, I tried to ignore it today, and what really bothered me was that my husband has had the last 5 days off for a vacation and he goes over there every day. When he is working he is never home or too tired to do anything and now that he's off, he has to go over there before we can do anything. His attitude is not himself, not at all. Well I'm gonna continue to pray about it, will you please help me and pray too. I just want my husband back to his normal self.

 

[~PICKLE~]

Right now, my parents have left for Hawaii for 2 weeks, so my hubby and I are house sitting. It a vaction away from home, even if its only 30 mins away. That way we can get back on track and spend time together and with our kids. No body to bother us and interfer with our home life. When were at our house we constantly have people knocking on our door. Either to hang out or they need something. I don't mind helping people out, But I think I'm a little burnt out right now and my brain needs a refresh button.

 

[Sailor's Wife]

*

 

[~PICKLE~]

no my husband isn't in AA, he's in a different program, where he gets a shot in his bum every month. It blocks the resceptor in his brain that makes him want to. I try to explain to him how I feel about these friends, and he just doens't get it. He thinks I'm trying to tell him who to be friends with. So as a man, he's gonna go hang out with them more. THese friends are getting in between our marriage and again he just doesn't get it. #1 I hate to drive, expessally at night. So i ask him to take me to the store So I can get so in so. HE says I worked all day I'm tired. Ok, that's cool, I totally understand. But 30 mins later, his friend can walk up and ask for a ride to the beer store and he says ok. It really hurts my feeling, And I feel he is putting this person first, instead of us. Ok enough of my whinning. I just don't know what else to do.

 

[Raithlin]

By ranting and nagging you seem to be pushing him in the very direction you don't want him to go. Stop doing it. He may be doing the exact opposite of what you want just to prove who's boss - and age is of no consequence here. Men do this simply because it's in our nature to want to be the boss. You have to find another way to get your point across. Let the Spirit lead you in this.

Have you tried fasting?

"Be still, and know that He is God."