Husband seems to have closed me out

[jwebhead]

So I guess I have come to my decision. I am going to go back 'home' (I moved 2500 miles away) and make things work with my ex husband and make my family whole again. Give the boys their Dad back. My present-husband tells me that I have figuratively kicked, slapped and pushed him away from me and he has nothing left. I do not understand this as I have tried to make things better but it is very clear that unless I become his idea of a perfect wife, he will never be happy nor will he allow me to be me.

I do not think I should have left my first marriage but things just took off and spiraled and before I could stop it all it was done and the affair turned into a new marriage.
I have been struggling with this for a year and I think in the long run, like 18 years, will they boys be scarred because their parents were stupid for 2 years but ultimately are together or scarred because their mother stuck it out in a relationship that has no way of flourishing.

Just thought I would let you know

 

[tonya]

Thanks for the update...do you have family other than your ex who will be where you are moving?

 

[jwebhead]

I have my parents and his is there too. (Not that I will have alot to do with them in the beginning, but the boys will have their extended family)

 

[Leanna]

That's tough! I almost turned my affair into a marriage after I moved out and then got pregnant with other guy's baby but I am back with my husband. Considering you are married to the other guy, it seems just wrong to get a divorce. Do you guys have any Christian foundation? Would he do counseling? To me a second divorce is a second divorce and it seems wrong.... but I do see some good in going back, EXCEPT, there had to be a reason you left and what if it isn't fixed? Then you divorce again?

 

[Yitzchak]

I will be praying for you. Your boys must be really excited..... What an awesome christmas present for them. I am sure that the Lord will go with you and try to remember that if things don't go 100% perfect. God sees your heart that you are trying to do the right thing and He will help you to put your family back together.

Also remember that your ex, as much as he loves you and has forgiven you may find himself emotionally overwhelmed. It doesn't mean he isn't happy if he struggles with the adjustment. You will know in about 6 months whether it is going well or not. So just give it time to adjust.

I will pray for you that God rewards your courage and your sacrifice and blesses you and your family more than ever before.

 

[jwebhead]

That's tough! I almost turned my affair into a marriage after I moved out and then got pregnant with other guy's baby but I am back with my husband. Considering you are married to the other guy, it seems just wrong to get a divorce. Do you guys have any Christian foundation? Would he do counseling? To me a second divorce is a second divorce and it seems wrong.... but I do see some good in going back, EXCEPT, there had to be a reason you left and what if it isn't fixed? Then you divorce again?

Yes there is supposedly a strong Christian foundation but as time goes on I see that my present husband has twisted the bible to fit his desire so often that I cannot understand his interpretation on God. He had so many justifications for his divorce as well as mine, yet they all stand true now regarding he and I and he is twisting things again to suit his desire. I don't necessarily think a second divorce will be the fix it, but if this is what marriage is, then I might as well let the boys have their Dad and try to make things work with him.

 

[~Nikki~]

I will be praying for you. Your boys must be really excited..... What an awesome christmas present for them. I am sure that the Lord will go with you and try to remember that if things don't go 100% perfect. God sees your heart that you are trying to do the right thing and He will help you to put your family back together.

Also remember that your ex, as much as he loves you and has forgiven you may find himself emotionally overwhelmed. It doesn't mean he isn't happy if he struggles with the adjustment. You will know in about 6 months whether it is going well or not. So just give it time to adjust.

I will pray for you that God rewards your courage and your sacrifice and blesses you and your family more than ever before.

Fantastic post!

Praying for you also...

 

[Leanna]

Well, it sounds like you should try harder on the relationship you have now. Counseling and grace. You already made the mistake of taking away your boy's dad. That has already past. Don't justify another divorce, work on what you have now.

 

[Genes!s]

I have tried to make things better but it is very clear that unless I become his idea of a perfect wife, he will never be happy nor will he allow me to be me.

I have this problem myself.

 

[jenelis]

Well, it sounds like you should try harder on the relationship you have now. Counseling and grace. You already made the mistake of taking away your boy's dad. That has already past. Don't justify another divorce, work on what you have now.

I agree with Leanne. Don't act too hastily and have your history repeat itself.

And, I hope you don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you might need some time alone (with your kids) to get your head on straight and figure out what's in EVERYONE'S best interest.

I'll pray that you make the decision that's best for you, your children, and both men that are involved... whatever decision that ends up being.

 

[madison1101]

I may have said this already, but I believe before you do anything else, you should seek therapy. Something inside of you is driving you through these marriages, and before you end one, you have another in the wings. Don't leave this husband right this minute. Don't go back to the old one right away. Take some time to get to know you and find out what is driving this behavior with men. Your boys need a healthy mom more than anything right now.