husband problems.

[Leggomyegolas]

He. Cooked me some food then got mad that I wanted to heat it up longer dumpe d his plate with mine and said he is going to go get a pizzaand stormed off on the bike.

I may be wrong, but I'm sorry. If I were you, his stuff would all be sitting out on the curb and the locks changed by the time he got back. Based on what you've described, he's an abuser, pure and simple, and you'd be much better off without him.

 

[Becky Andre]

two things

 

[Becky Andre]

two simple things:
1) you cant spend at your friends when you are married- its not good for a man to be alone.

2) pray together and ask him quetsion abt the fears he exhibits when you are with you friends. Try and explain the situation by putting him in the same context if you are to do to him what he is doing for you. May make him understand you better.

 

[MessianicMommy]

^yeah... no.

"It's not good for man to be alone" is from Genesis, when Adam still had no partner. And the Bible goes on later to talk about that there are some people who handle singleness well, and some don't and for those who do not - to get married rather than fall into sin.

It is not sin to go out with friends when your DH is not home and have a sleep-over there (no men involved) Or with your family (again, no men involved) when he's gone long term or overnight working and you don't feel safe at home.. or for you to just hang out and watch a movie or go shopping with money you've already agreed is yours to spend - within reason while he's off working.

your #2 - I would agree, except her DH is showing major signs of domestic violence. In this case, she really needs to talk with a DV counselor and see what she can do to stay safe in her state.

 

[ann216]

I call that controlling get out of that marriage it will only get worst trust me thats why I am divorced I was married to a controler

 

[waxlion10]

^yeah... no.

"It's not good for man to be alone" is from Genesis, when Adam still had no partner. And the Bible goes on later to talk about that there are some people who handle singleness well, and some don't and for those who do not - to get married rather than fall into sin.

It is not sin to go out with friends when your DH is not home and have a sleep-over there (no men involved) Or with your family (again, no men involved) when he's gone long term or overnight working and you don't feel safe at home.. or for you to just hang out and watch a movie or go shopping with money you've already agreed is yours to spend - within reason while he's off working.

your #2 - I would agree, except her DH is showing major signs of domestic violence. In this case, she really needs to talk with a DV counselor and see what she can do to stay safe in her state.

I must wholeheartedly agree with this and others who have suggested going to a DV center/counselor. I am concerned for the OP's safety.

 

[LinkH]

I've heard testimonies from abusive, controlling husbands who have repented and become loving husbands. Just thought I'd share that.

Obey Christ first and foremost. Take care of yourself, too.

 

[MessianicMommy]

That is very rare, and it takes continued support for YEARS with knowledgeable abuse counselors that handle only abusers.

 

[LinkH]

I've heard testimonies about being transformed by the work of God in their hearts, not the work of psychological therapists.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Again, that's even rarer than with help from good (including Christian ones in here) psychologists and psychiatrists.

 

[versesvsvices]

That is very rare, and it takes continued support for YEARS with knowledgeable abuse counselors that handle only abusers.

It may be worth the effort since he hasn't hit her yet. And I do mean yet.

coolchicka, please listen to everyone here. This is very serious. You know no one here would tell you to consider ending the marriage if it weren't.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Emotional abuse and mental abuse are just as valid forms of abuse as physical abuse. They are just as damaging, if not more so (especially when gaslighting is involved) and warrants counseling on both ends and separation until proof that the one administering abuse has changed.

 

[Blessedj01]

I think it's a bit much to tell her to end the marriage...if that indeed is what people here are doing.

 

[versesvsvices]

Emotional abuse and mental abuse are just as valid forms of abuse as physical abuse. They are just as damaging, if not more so (especially when gaslighting is involved) and warrants counseling on both ends and separation until proof that the one administering abuse has changed.

I agree entirely.

I think it's a bit much to tell her to end the marriage...if that indeed is what people here are doing.

Not necessarily to end it immediately, but it certainly needs to be on the table. Her husband is abusing her.

 

[Blessedj01]

I agree entirely.


Not necessarily to end it immediately, but it certainly needs to be on the table. Her husband is abusing her.

I don't know if we should be making that call, or if it's even Biblical. A marriage is not something to end lightly. Problems can arise in marriages - big ones. I'm not condoning anything he's done, but people can change - especially where God is involved. I think it's completely up to the O.P to judge whether her marriage and relationship with her husband can be reconciled peacefully. I don't know if it's appropriate to give her advice to divorce.

If it helps to understand at all, I'm not a terrible person (in the humanistic sense) but I once kicked my girlfriends car as well and put a dent it in. I was drunk and the next day I felt terrible and did all I could to amend it and pay for it to get it right. My point is that I did change despite the fact that that night it looked as though I was the worlds biggest jerk.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

I've heard testimonies about being transformed by the work of God in their hearts, not the work of psychological therapists.

Unfortunately, the "work of God on their hearts" usually comes after the work of the legal system on their pocketbook and pride. Look up the stats. I've been a part of too many jail/prison ministries to believe otherwise. Abusers do not change on a whim. It takes a foundational shake-up in their worldview (i.e. "you mean I'm not God and I can't treat people how I want without consequences? Who knew?!") Some do, but it is not the norm. Then, Pastors often abdicate their role as counselors to the professionals. So thank God for them.

 

[mkgal1]

Unfortunately, the "work of God on their hearts" usually comes after the work of the legal system on their pocketbook and pride. Look up the stats. I've been a part of too many jail/prison ministries to believe otherwise. Abusers do not change on a whim. It takes a foundational shake-up in their worldview (i.e. "you mean I'm not God and I can't treat people how I want without consequences? Who knew?!") Some do, but it is not the norm. Then, Pastors often abdicate their role as counselors to the professionals. So thank God for them.

Well said, and like you posted here....the stats support this. The Bible isn't silent on this topic, either---an abuser is one that has a depraved mind, a seared conscience, and a hardened heart.

This isn't the only Biblical reference, but it sums up the main problem well---abusers reject truth and have made selfish gain their god.

These people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.~1st Timothy 6:5

and I wanted to add this verse.....it's another important one that applies:

They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.~2nd Timothy 3:3

 

[waxlion10]

I don't know if we should be making that call, or if it's even Biblical. A marriage is not something to end lightly. Problems can arise in marriages - big ones. I'm not condoning anything he's done, but people can change - especially where God is involved. I think it's completely up to the O.P to judge whether her marriage and relationship with her husband can be reconciled peacefully. I don't know if it's appropriate to give her advice to divorce.

If it helps to understand at all, I'm not a terrible person (in the humanistic sense) but I once kicked my girlfriends car as well and put a dent it in. I was drunk and the next day I felt terrible and did all I could to amend it and pay for it to get it right. My point is that I did change despite the fact that that night it looked as though I was the worlds biggest jerk.

I haven't seen anyone here advising divorce.

Now, separation to keep her safe? Absolutely.
Counseling from a professional? Definitely needed for both parties.
Also, change takes TIME. Abusers are manipulative and capable of keeping up a facade for a long time. It takes TIME to see the fruit of change in someone's life.

 

[mkgal1]

I haven't seen anyone here advising divorce.

Now, separation to keep her safe? Absolutely.
Counseling from a professional? Definitely needed for both parties.
Also, change takes TIME. Abusers are manipulative and capable of keeping up a facade for a long time. It takes TIME to see the fruit of change in someone's life.

I completely agree.

Also....BlessedJ01....there's a difference between doing something that's out of character while drunk (like kicking your GF's car and denting it) and the way a person's typical behavior is characterized---or what their main motivation is (either loving or selfish).

 

[LinkH]

It may be worth the effort since he hasn't hit her yet. And I do mean yet.

coolchicka, please listen to everyone here. This is very serious. You know no one here would tell you to consider ending the marriage if it weren't.

Actually, some posters, especially some on here in the past, would do that sort of thing.