Husband naps too much!

[Beautiful2Him]

Hey all,

I need to get some feedback on a problem I'm facing. My husband naps way too much. Its driving me crazy and its starting to affect our family life. This has probably start more than a year ago. He works full time, during the day, usually from 9-6 or 10-7, he gets home, if dinner is ready he will eat and then immediately goes to take a nap. Or if dinner isn't ready yet he will fall asleep. I used to wake him up when dinner was ready, but after trying 3 or 4 times I just gave up. Now he doesn't eat with us because he's napping . His naps are lie 2 or 3 hours long, so he finally wakes up and I'm getting ready to go to bed. Then because of of the long nap he stays up really late. A bad cycle he refuses to fix. Help!

 

[Farine]

Hello Beautiful! I like the name you chose for CF.

I am assuming a great deal to write to you. I am accepting that there is not a medical issue as fatigue is a very common symptom. Also, that you are pleasant and pleased to see to him when he gets home- that he is not using naps as a way to sidestep some unpleasantness you are projecting. The list could go on and on. This is a complex situation.

There are some things that are difficult to sleep through- like smoke alarms. I wonder if you set one off, would he get up? Would he choose to use this time once awake to interact with you and the family? In other words, if you woke him up after say, an hour, would he have enough energy and focus to use positively?

It is my guess that the detective work falls unfairly on you. That has a couple of gleaming silver linings. One is that you have control over the research. For example, you know which roast will burn on which night setting off the smoke alarm. He will be jolted awake without warning. The other bright spot is that you can plan some romantic events which suit you. I think it is important to make a deposit in the relationship from your side before really rolling up your sleeves to be confrontational. If sweetness wins the day, awesome. If you have to do some tough negotiations, having the moral high ground that you did the extra mile will be effective.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

It took me years to figure it out, but my husband sleeps a lot when he is depressed, and struggling with something. Just an idea.

 

[Mudinyeri]

You can let it drive you crazy ... or not.

I suspect that the previous posters have hit upon some of the possibilities. Your husband may be depressed, he may be stressed, he may just need to decompress after coming home from work. There are a million possibilities. Almost assuredly, there is a reason. Why not work to determine the reason rather than letting the behavior drive you crazy.

 

[Dave-W]

how old are your children?

 

[RedPonyDriver]

He's staying up too late, not getting enough sleep, so when he comes home, he's tired and crashes. He needs to reset his clock.

Although I'm one for crashing when I come home, usually in the summer. I live in the desert and sometimes the unbelievable heat gets to me, especially getting in a very hot car (yes, you can bake cookies in a car here), riding down a very hot freeway, getting stuck in traffic on that hot freeway...even with the car a/c on, I'm cooking from the sun coming in the windshield. By the time I get home (a 30 minute or so commute), I'm ready to crawl on the couch and crash.

Talk to him, gently. Let him know that his napping is disturbing to you and disrupting a dinner routine for the kids. For us, it doesn't matter much, we're childless and have a lot of freedom regarding napping, sleeping, etc.

 

[South Bound]

Hey all,

I need to get some feedback on a problem I'm facing. My husband naps way too much. Its driving me crazy and its starting to affect our family life. This has probably start more than a year ago. He works full time, during the day, usually from 9-6 or 10-7, he gets home, if dinner is ready he will eat and then immediately goes to take a nap. Or if dinner isn't ready yet he will fall asleep. I used to wake him up when dinner was ready, but after trying 3 or 4 times I just gave up. Now he doesn't eat with us because he's napping . His naps are lie 2 or 3 hours long, so he finally wakes up and I'm getting ready to go to bed. Then because of of the long nap he stays up really late. A bad cycle he refuses to fix. Help!

Nothing wrong with a good nap and he may just be tired from a long day at work But when it starts to affect family time like that I would ask hi. to see a doctor to rule out depression.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't see anything wrong with it really unless hes not taking care of anything once home.

Could it be the thing bugging you most is the fact you sleep not together? I know sometimes my wife will sleep at midnight, then I'll be going to bed at 6am. Sometimes it does bug her because she needs me next to her to fall asleep.

 

[akmom]

Try making a seven course meal that takes several hours to eat. That'll keep him up until everyone is ready to go to bed at the same time.

 

[mmksparbud]

Have you monitored him when He sleeps---does he snore? Does he stop breathing? Mine had sleep apnea, his O2 sats would drop very low during his sleep, he would stop breathing for up to 20-30 seconds then sort of gasp for breath. He was exhausted all the time from lack of sleep no matter how much sleep he got. I tried talking to him about it, he snored so bad I finally recorded him, he got really mad! Finally, he fell asleep at the dr's office and racket was so bad the nurses noticed he would stop breathing and told the dr and he ordered a Cpap machine for him and explained the dangers of it. He had to have a sleep study. What a difference that made in his energy levels! It was amazing. I ended up with one also, now we have his and hers C-pap machines! Watch him closely when he sleeps, they can move their abdomen, but not be breathing in.

 

[98cwitr]

What does he do for a living?

 

[JackRT]

If you haven't had a doctor look at the problem please do so. Several possible causes of fatigue can be identified in a simple blood test. In my case it turned out that I had a hypothyroid condition that was easily remedied by a simple inexpensive medication (synthroid).