husband & masturbation

[FaithPrevails]

You are most welcome, hope.

 

[red8]

The one thing most women forget is that how sex is hard for men. And us(men) forget that what we do to calm this desires comes back hunting us down. Most guys don't know that having any kind of sexual activity without the one and only God given wife results in having sexual failure(pleasure). The one thing about sex is that it is imprinted in mind. Let me tell you a short story there was a guy who is a successful business man and before he got married he used to M by fantasying (some weird thoughts) now he got married to a beautiful wife but he doesn't want to touch her because she is not like his fanatics but he loves her greatly (true story) and there r a lot of men with sad stories. You got help your husband, i am telling you this because i have been this road and it's very hard to control it. i am not trying to scare u or anything but if he continues like this the pleasure, joy and happiness that comes from sex will decrease greatly and it will be hard to fix it once it is broken. i told u in the above statements that it gets imprinted on the mind, when he M he might uses fantasy(imagination) u know what i am saying or inappropriate contentography and after a while during sex this things comes to mind. The things that used to give pleasure or happiness now may seem boring and it goes . . . it can become an addiction a very powerful one . u r right his body is not his u got to make sure that he knows that try to be as close as possible. All i am saying is you got to save your husband because this thing can take him. don't forbid your self give him your self as much as possible. Please try hard cos this thing takes intimacy and breaks the special bond or connection you have with your husband, you should be the one who have to be imprinted on his mind nothing else. I am telling you this from my life what i am passing through. you got to be strong and loving. Be strong and you can save him (you are his blessing he shouldn't miss that)

 

[writergirl4god]

Hope,

You are right about your husband's body belonging to you and vice versa, as per 1 Corinthians 7:4 - "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." This can be a difficult concept to accept, as we live in a culture that is all about independance and our 'right' to do whatever we please. (The next verse talks about not depriving each other, and that can be a difficult one too.)

It sounds like your husband understands the biblical viewpoint and is repentant, and you are forgiving him, so I hope that this will be not be a problem in the future. I don't want to be negative or scare you - I absolutely believe that with Christ's help people can make a complete turnaround. But I also have a lot of experience with people who struggle with sexual sin, and it is a problem that often does continue. Life and marriage is full of ups and downs, and when the 'downs' come again it's tempting for someone who has used that method of coping in the past to turn back to it again. Especially if their only accountability person is their spouse (because when he's mad at you, or feeling distant from you, and not particularly caring what you think at the moment, what's to stop him?)

So to be honest, although the honor system is good, I think that having some preventative measures in place is necessary too. Your husband is only human after all, and in a weak moment may give in to temptation. At the very least I would recommend installing a filter/accountability software on all computers that he has access to - one that will both block inappropriate pages (like the one that he uploaded his pics and videos to), and send you an alert about attempts to access those kind of websites. That may be enough to deter him when temptation strikes. But if it does become a problem again, he'll need to speak to either your pastor or a Christian counselor and develop a larger circle of accountability.

Saying a prayer for you and your marriage!

A sister in Christ,
Jess

 

[bliz]

He knows this and if I was thinking of myself before, that's not the case anymore. I just wonder if I should check on him every now and then to be sure that we are still on the same page or path. We are fine and have decided to move on, but I wonder if I should be a non-judgmental accountable partner to him by asking him if he's OK or is he considering this again. This will be only when I notice we have gone a couple of days past our regular together time.

An accountable partner might be a good idea, if he likes it, but it cannot be you. It must be another Christian man who is willing to mentor him and to whom he is willing to be open.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Here is your problem

Nobody 'owns' anyone else

Realising this will rid your brain of jealousy and possessiveness

Good luck

peace x





.

She has every right to her feelings of ,"jealousy, and possessiveness." She owns her husband's body just as he owns hers. God wass jealous when Israel was unfaithful. This is the exact same kind of, "jealousy." She can love him enough to respond to him out of his need, rather than out of her needs, but make no mistake. She has every right to feel cheated.

 

[levis143]

Good day! I think the core issue that must be addressed is the personal relationship of your husband to the Lord Jesus Christ. Is he a real Christian? If he is not a Christian, I can understand, because unbelievers and lost people do even worst than that of your husband. My view with your husband is that he lacks the real understanding of God and of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. No spiritual Christian will do what your husband did. I mean spiritual, for there are many carnal Christians, who outwardly seems OK in the church, singing praise songs, even serving in the ministry, but secretly masturbating and indulging in inappropriate contentography, just like what your husband did. But once a Christian realizes that the eyes of the Lord is in every place, watching the evil and the good, and that there is nothing hidden that will never be disclosed, and then the fear of the Lord rules his heart, then he will eventually be freed from all these wickedness and lasciviousness. If he stopped just because you caught him and not because he was convicted by the Holy Spirit and repented before God... Then that's not a real change. He will eventually repeat it when another secret opportunity arrives. It must be because he felt so guilty before God, not before you, that he stopped sinning and commiting such evil acts. I think he needs to reexamine himself if he is really a Christian. The Bible said: "Examine yourself whether you are in the faith, test yourself, do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you, unless of course you fail the test." And this applies to all of us who claims to be Christians. For not all who calls Jesus Lord, Lord are Christians, but only those who does the will of God the Father in heaven. And the will of God is for us to walk and live a holy life after we bocome saved and become followers of Christ.

 

[Idealist]

Hello all, I hope your day is going well. I thank God for another cold day. I joined this forum because I needed a christian perspective on an issue that I have with my husband. My husband and I love each other very much and have three beautiful children. We have been married for 7 years. It's been a challenging journey, but God has been good to us. Just Monday, on our anniversary, I discovered a journal of pictures and videos of my husband. He had taken pics of <staff edit> himself and saved them in a special folder on our computer. Along with these, he had videos of himself <staff edit> on different days. <staff edit> Looking at the dates, he had been doing this from last year Oct 2009, after the birth of our last baby until July of this year.

I came across it by accident because i was looking for our wedding album to post on facebook. Anyway, I was hurt and shocked and disappointed. We are Christians and he is a great guy. I confronted him and he confirmed it. He said we were not intimate for weeks, sometimes months and it seemed that when he approached me, I shut him down. The worst part is that he posted these images and videos online and people liked them and gave him compliments, which gave his ego and self esteem a boost. He said he stopped because we got to a better place.

Bottom line, after a long talk last night, I told him I felt cheated on and my trust and my respect were broken. He said he never meant to hurt me and that he will never do this again.He deleted the pics and was very apologetic as well as embarrassed. We plan on taking it one step at a time.

How do I get past this? I'm I over thinking this by feeling like he cheated. His body is mine and the fact that he shared it with others, was extremely hurtful and disappointing. please give me advice that is nonjudgmental.

Thanks and God bless.

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on in your marriage, I have my own marriage problems so understand I'm not a totally objective observer and take it within that context.

I think there are a lot of lies extended through pop-culture, that the church allows to penetrate its teachings as well. Men want to be desired, not reluctantly obliged. You feel your husband's body is yours, and that's what the bible says is true. But if you are shutting down your husband's sexual advances, you send the message that you don't believe your body is your husband's. Perhaps you didn't realize you were shutting him down, I don't know, but what I do know is that ownership of each others bodies in a sexual sense means absolutely nothing if it only applies when you feel like it. Your attitude sounds good and I'm no judge of anyone, but just something to think about.

I don't believe its the appeal of sex that draws men away, its the appeal of being wanted. If you allow this episode to put barriers of hurt up for you, you will almost certainly guarantee that it happens again. If you want him less because of it, he will know, and will want to go where he is wanted. You have total control over that. Your lack of vulnerability and open, unhindered sexual affection will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. inappropriate contentography, affairs etc, allow men to feel desired, personally valuable and special even if its not reality and ultimately makes things worse.

 

[Jvnorth]

It's not right that he posted things for others to see.