husband giving rides

[1Newcreation]

My husband has been giving rides to a woman from his work for almost 3 months. to work and from work. His work is over an hour away and the woman lives closer that end.
I am suspecting something is going on between them, due to some over friendly text messages I found. Yes I looked and apologised to husband for looking, but I have been noticing just different behavior. To me the messages are not exactly co-worker professional stuff, very familiar and arranging meetings for lunch and cute names given, and one was rather suggestive of more than friends. I confronted husband and he denies anything, could not give a clear answer to the messages and he expressed his love for me.

I said that this lady needs to get a ride from a single guy or a woman from now on, not from my husband.
He also allows her to drive the vehicle during work hours, this really upsets me too.

My question is this. Whether something is going on or not, do you think this a not very good situation for a Christian married man to be in.? I think a couple days or a week may be understandable, but not every day for several weeks almost 3 months. It seems he is using the reason 'i am helping out someone in need, I am a Christian' to validate it.

Could you please offer scripture in support of why he should not be giving this woman a ride anymore, if you agree that he shouldn't. (disregarding if anything is going on or not)

I could do with prayer and support aswell. I am really anxious and cannot settle.

 

[CShephard53]

My husband has been giving rides to a woman from his work for almost 3 months. to work and from work. His work is over an hour away and the woman lives closer that end.
I am suspecting something is going on between them, due to some over friendly text messages I found. Yes I looked and apologised to husband for looking, but I have been noticing just different behavior. To me the messages are not exactly co-worker professional stuff, very familiar and arranging meetings for lunch and cute names given, and one was rather suggestive of more than friends. I confronted husband and he denies anything, could not give a clear answer to the messages and he expressed his love for me.

I said that this lady needs to get a ride from a single guy or a woman from now on, not from my husband.
He also allows her to drive the vehicle during work hours, this really upsets me too.

My question is this. Whether something is going on or not, do you think this a not very good situation for a Christian married man to be in.? I think a couple days or a week may be understandable, but not every day for several weeks almost 3 months. It seems he is using the reason 'i am helping out someone in need, I am a Christian' to validate it.

Could you please offer scripture in support of why he should not be giving this woman a ride anymore, if you agree that he shouldn't. (disregarding if anything is going on or not)

I could do with prayer and support aswell. I am really anxious and cannot settle.

I think it's up to him. Let him know that your kids are going to be impacted by the decisions he makes, and that people do not think lightly of a married guy giving a gal a ride on a regular basis. If he's not willing to have the appearance of good, you can't make him- but his actions will impact other people. I'd show him this thread if I were you.

 

[AngelDove1]

Is he a born again christian?

You had a talk with him about all this.
And how it maked you feel.
Now its up him to make the change.

God can and will change a person.
Only God can do this.
The hard part is really knowing that we can't.

Prayer, fasting, and staying in Gods word will help you get through this.

Trials are hard but we learn through them,it makes us stronger too.
There is a leason to be learned from this.
For you and for your husband.

Prayerfuly it will give him a changed heart for the better.

Its all in Gods plans. Although He does not cause it.
He only permits it to happen.

God is in control,Trust and have Faith in God.
Nothing in this world happens by mistake.

Its a hard way to grow in the Lord.
But ,all things are possible with Christ Jesus.
There is hope.Your not alone.Know this.
Life is a big test.
W.W.J.D.

Praying for you

 

[madeclean]

This kind of emotional intimacy (texting, pet names, ect..) all sounds like an emotional, if not a physical affair. Or perhaps it may be on the way to becoming a physical one. At any rate, your husband is commanded in Ephesians to care for you before himself. Just knowing you are not comfortable with the current arrangement should cause him to stop to honor your wishes.
Many people fall into "friendships" that are really just at the verbal and emotional stage of affairs. It is your husbands job to love and protect you, and that includes the protection of your marriage.
Would you cease contact with someone if contact with that person negatively affected your marriage? If so, this may be a good way to open a discussion with your husband. God Bless You.

 

[tturt]

Ask Yahweh to give you wisdom on how to approach your husband on this. In some cases an arrangement like this would just mean reducing transportation costs, etc. But in this particular case, whatever the savings, it costs too much.

 

[Stillinthekiln]

I didn't read all the responses, but I have to say that we have a rule in our marriage, NO female friendships unless she is also a friend of mine...likewise, I have NO male friendships that aren't friends with HIM.

Men & women (Christian or not) that are married should not put themselves in any situation where they might be tempted. So, putting up a boundary that we have is just there to protect our marriage & family.

HOWEVER, I didn't realize it but my husband never saw the wisdom in this until he FELL. Yes, he began having an emotional affair with a very nice girl that turned into something physical. He never thought that could have happened to him, but it did. We were separated at the time, so that made him even MORE vulnerable. (Separated because of the military).

Now we are re-building trust in our marriage because the boundary we set early on (that I thought was mutually accepted) wasn't adhered to. BUT I "AM" thankful that now he sees the wisdom in being TOO careful to prevent anything like that from ever happening again.

I would tell him NO MORE RIDES. If you have to, drive him to work & back yourself if she has no other way (BE THERE WITH THEM). What is going on in that situation is totally inappropriate.

She also has absolutely NO RIGHT to be text messaging your man, especially for non-related work purposes.

I am too tired to think of scriptures to back up what my very strong personal opinions are, but if he really cares about the protection/sanctity of his marriage & if he very much cares about your feelings, he will do anything he can to keep your mind at ease. No husband should ever allow his wife to wonder what he's doing.....

 

[bliz]

iN

 

[1Newcreation]

Thank you for all your replies.

My husband and I talked. He has agreed to stop giving this girl rides, he still stands by that nothing is going on there and that my suspicians are totally uncalled for and unfounded. He said I read too much into the messages, and that it was just joking around.

My husband has never given me a reason not to trust him in our whole marriage, and so I think he is a little hurt that I suspected him of something.

I am now questioning myself and considering that may be I am overacting and that jealousy may be rearing it's ugly head. I know that he has a soft spot for ladies in distress because I was one, when he met me, and in the past he has been a friend to another woman who was going through difficulties, but I really want to believe my husband and just think that he is just a really nice guy and he just doesn't understand that boundaries need to be set.

Now I am concerned for the young lady whether she is going to be alright and get a ride to work or not. I know she will be ok though.

However I am still relieved about my husband agreeing to stop giving the rides. and I will trust that my husband will follow through with what he said.

1newcreation

 

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Happy you guys talked about it. Before I read this a scripture came to mind and I figured I'd post it anyway.

Romans 14:16 (Amplified Bible)
Do not therefore let what seems good to you be considered an evil thing [by someone else]. [In other words, do not give occasion for others to criticize that which is justifiable for you.]

God Bless!

 

[jive4005]

Since this is the advice page here's mine... worth every cent you spend.
Sounds to me like you both have some issues (mistrust, lack of sensitivity) that need to be addressed, in Christian manner. Look, I don't wanna beat anybody up. Marriage is hard. If you don't work at it, it can morph into something very unloving.

The devil will try to tell you all sorts of things. Insinuation is a favorite of his.

A real marriage is about more than cohabitation. It MUST have love and a longing to serve the other. If you can't have honesty and genuine love, what do you have!?

Here's the point... you and your hubby will get whatever you desire (hope that doesn't sound too hurtful) and I am certain that if you can both inject more Jesus into your lives, things will improve. I believe this. If you didn't love your husband and want to maintain a good marriage, you wouldn't be looking for help.

You have my earnest prayers. Saints, we should pray every day for all Christian marriages.

His,
rev

ps: probably a good thing hubby dropped the car-pooling thing!

 

[1Newcreation]

Since this is the advice page here's mine... worth every cent you spend.
Sounds to me like you both have some issues (mistrust, lack of sensitivity) that need to be addressed, in Christian manner. Look, I don't wanna beat anybody up. Marriage is hard. If you don't work at it, it can morph into something very unloving.

The devil will try to tell you all sorts of things. Insinuation is a favorite of his.

A real marriage is about more than cohabitation. It MUST have love and a longing to serve the other. If you can't have honesty and genuine love, what do you have!?

Here's the point... you and your hubby will get whatever you desire (hope that doesn't sound too hurtful) and I am certain that if you can both inject more Jesus into your lives, things will improve. I believe this. If you didn't love your husband and want to maintain a good marriage, you wouldn't be looking for help.

You have my earnest prayers. Saints, we should pray every day for all Christian marriages.

His,
rev

ps: probably a good thing hubby dropped the car-pooling thing!

In response and I did not take offense to your post and I totally agree with you, Jesus is the one to be at the forefront of our hearts and minds, the Lord has impacted me in a big way that He has changed me considerably and I am still changing and I have a love and a desire for Jesus.

I love my husband and I lift him and our marriage up to the Lord daily, I pray the blood of Jesus over our marriage, our family and our home. I have made strides to be the loving wife and submissive wife that God desires me to be. I don't always get it right, but my heart is there in it and the Holy spirit is with me guiding me along the journey.

I pray for spiritual growth for myself but also for both of us, I have a strong desire for both of us to work as a team to serve God and live honorable holy lives for Him. My desire is a whole lot stronger than my husbands, we are not on the same page right now. I pray for my husband to be actively the Spritual leader in the home. I want for us to pray together, bible study, discuss things of God together. I am the one to discuss spiritual matters with my son, my husband does not. Again, I continue to pray for this. I want that more than anything. I have asked my husband for these things, and it only happens when I ask. I am not going to keep on asking my husband, only the Lord can truly put that desire in my husbands heart.

I have been very open with my husband about things,
Three months ago we had a conversation about being honest with one another, and it was only then that he brought up about giving this girl rides to work.

He had been keeping it a secret from me, maybe he was afraid of my reaction, but anyhow, I said ok, trying very hard not to be the overbearing, suspicous, jealous wife and just understood he was trying to help someone out, and it was conveyed to me that it was a temporary situation, until this womans car was fixed.

Now, he has overstepped that understanding, he has crossed boundaries. Three months have gone by, this womans car is not fixed, he continues to have daily contact with her, and it is not always work related. You see how this whole situation escalated?

I believe the Lord has given me discernment, a red flag was raised and I acted upon it. I understand how the enemy can very sneakily mess with our minds and I know having suspicious untrusting minds can divide relationships. That is not what I want for either of us. I try very hard to stay in the word of God daily to guard my mind against the enemy, I communicate with my Lord daily to ask for help, I know I cannot live this life with out my Yeshua.

1newcreation

 

[JoshuaM]

i think if he is continuing frequent contact with her, not work related, you need to tell him to stop. he should not have any type of intimacy with another woman. if she needs a friend, it is not a very good idea for a married man (especially Christian) to risk.

 

[ContentInHim]

Thank you for all your replies.

My husband and I talked. He has agreed to stop giving this girl rides, he still stands by that nothing is going on there and that my suspicians are totally uncalled for and unfounded. He said I read too much into the messages, and that it was just joking around.

My husband has never given me a reason not to trust him in our whole marriage, and so I think he is a little hurt that I suspected him of something.

I am now questioning myself and considering that may be I am overacting and that jealousy may be rearing it's ugly head. I know that he has a soft spot for ladies in distress because I was one, when he met me, and in the past he has been a friend to another woman who was going through difficulties, but I really want to believe my husband and just think that he is just a really nice guy and he just doesn't understand that boundaries need to be set.

Now I am concerned for the young lady whether she is going to be alright and get a ride to work or not. I know she will be ok though.

However I am still relieved about my husband agreeing to stop giving the rides. and I will trust that my husband will follow through with what he said.

1newcreation

I believe that you saved your marriage. And he probably was innocent of any actual infidelity. But trust me on this - the woman he was giving the ride to wasn't! I know this because before I was saved, it was one of my favorite gambits to "snaring" a married man. So thank God that tragedy has been averted and assure your husband that you love him to pieces. God bless you and your family!

 

[mssurrendered]

I was so happy to read that you and your huband talked this out and that he isn`t giving this girl a ride to work anymore.When I read this last night my heart felt heavy for you and I prayed for you to have peace about this.I went through a lot of stuff in my past marriage like this and I know it is awful,I was so hoping this wouldn`t be the case for you.You sound like a wonderful lady,and I am sure you will have a wonderful marriage.You are serving God and isn`t he a good God?

 

[tturt]

Yes, I too am very happy that he has agreed to stop. I certainly would try to tell him how much it meant to me that he had made that decision.

 

[Toobcherished]

He put his self in a bad position. There is a such thing as inviting evil in. And yes perhaps he was trying to do the right thing. But the right thing is to give someone a ride when they need it. The wrong thing is to take on a responsibility for the opposite sex when you are clearly married. Your husband may very well be innocent of anything sexual but trust me when I tell you this woman is not saved. If she were she would know better. Its about respect. Now trust in the Lord but your husband is human. Pray that the Lord continues to touch your family, and if there is anything you need to know, let it be the Lord who notifies you. Thats my advice. I have been in the this EXACT same position.

 

[sageoffools]

Abstain from all appearance of evil. 1 Thess. 5:22
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to [fulfil] the lusts [thereof]. Romans 13:14