Husband driving me crazy

[FeelingSteppedOn]

I'm having a huge problem with my husband and his dogs. He brings the dogs in the house and the smaller one pees on the kitchen floor. Now every time I go out there I smell pee and I've asked him to train the dog not to pee in the house but he always ignores me or makes stupid comments like its a joke. I work full time so I can't be here when the dog pees during the week, so I feel so hopeless to stop this behavior. My husband doesn't care about my feelings in any matter let alone this one. Just feeling terrible right now

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Its also not sanitary, especially in a kitchen of all places. Yuck. I'd ask him who he loves more, the dog or you. Sounds corny but maybe it will get the point across that hes choosing the dog over you. My wife for examples is scared of dogs. If I had one I would get rid of it because its about her happiness, not mine. Its really strange that anyone would let a animal pee in a house.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I own a company that has employees in about 300 houses a month. You'd be surprised (perhaps) at how some people live. Pet urine and feces in the house ... on the deck ... hoarding ... obvious lack of cleaning .... It goes on and on.

@FeelingSteppedOn maybe if you rubbed your husband's nose in the pee (instead of the dog) ....

On a somewhat related note, I often wonder what people think of when they take their wedding vows of "for better or worse."

 

[FeelingSteppedOn]

Yes, NothingIsImpossible, but in the kitchen is better than on the carpet, I guess. Next time this comes up I'll ask him if he loves me or the dog, but I have a feeling I know which one it's going to be. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I had an allergy or if I was scared of dogs just so I wouldn't have to have them. We also have 2 cats and sometimes I dream of a pet free environment. I have nothing against animals. I had a lot of them while I was growing up, but I just don't have the time or energy to take care of them the way they need it and my husband is oblivious to the fact that they need training because animals in general don't have the same ideals and hygiene that a human has.

I know all to well how some people live, Mudinyeri. I've been a renter and have seen some very bad renters in my lifetime. I actually own the house we live in right now. I'd like to keep it clean and sanitary, but I feel like I'm just a roommate in my own house. A roommate that just eats and sleeps there and I have no say in anything that goes on there because for the most part I'm never there. Believe me if I could rub my husband's nose in the pee I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Yea, I guess I'm the one that has to go with the "for worse" part of the wedding vows

 

[ImaginaryDay]

@FeelingSteppedOn - The next time it happens, I'd leave it until your husband comes around. I know it might sit for a while, but why clean up what's ultimately his mess?

 

[turkle]

Yes, NothingIsImpossible, but in the kitchen is better than on the carpet, I guess. Next time this comes up I'll ask him if he loves me or the dog, but I have a feeling I know which one it's going to be.

I think it is very unwise to ever ask a spouse to say which he loves better. It is threatening and challenges the person in a very negative way. It inevitably ends up in a fight. I really recommend that you do not do that.

Has your husband always been this inconsiderate of your needs? Has he always been this unsanitary? How long has this been going on? If he doesn't care, then there is very little you can do. I would recommend that you go as a couple to counseling, because it sounds like there are serious issues that need to be addressed by a professional.

 

[ShaulHaTarsi]

Knowing how to handle this properly is ultimately dependent on how attached your husband is to the dog. It always annoys me how people see their pets as surrogate children. Animals exist for our pleasure and nothing else.

Instead of asking who he loves more (which is always confrontational and rhetorical), perhaps tell him that if the dog cannot be trained to not pee in the house, it should be given away to a caring family as you cannot tolerate pee in the house. I don't think that's an unreasonable request.

 

[FeelingSteppedOn]

I wish it was that easy, ImaginaryDay, I came home at 6 in the evening yesterday, only to find a dried pee puddle on the floor. He won't clean it and if he does he mops it and then puts the mop back without using any cleaner or rinsing out the mop.

Turkle and ShaulHaTarsi, I haven't actually had a chance to say anything to him yet, so I haven't asked him about who he loves more. From the beginning of our marriage he pretty much never seemed to care about my feelings and if I cry in front of him, he makes fun of me. He says we "don't go by our feelings." He buys what he wants, when he wants without any regard or consideration of how I feel about it. This dog he just got at a garage sale about two months ago. He never asked me how I felt about getting another dog. He wanted it so he brought it home. He brags every day how far he's walked with the dogs and tells me almost every weekend that we've had the little dog for "such and such" weeks now. He named the dog his own name so I won't say the name here, but it just frustrates me so much. I don't think any decision about giving the dog away would be a reasonable request to him.

He has always cluttered, but has never been this unsanitary. It seems he just doesn't care. He never takes anything I say seriously, so if I said I wanted to go to counseling he'd probably just laugh and say he doesn't need counseling as there is nothing wrong with him.

 

[Albion]

I'm having a huge problem with my husband and his dogs. He brings the dogs in the house and the smaller one pees on the kitchen floor. Now every time I go out there I smell pee and I've asked him to train the dog not to pee in the house but he always ignores me or makes stupid comments like its a joke. I work full time so I can't be here when the dog pees during the week, so I feel so hopeless to stop this behavior. My husband doesn't care about my feelings in any matter let alone this one. Just feeling terrible right now

I'm sorry for you. He's not doing right, but it's hard to know what you can do--based on the information you gave us. If this were the "Christian Advice" forum, I'd be very uncertain of what to suggest. Possibly a counselor (or even a dog trainer) would have some ideas...and I do mean to consult one on your own.

 

[FeelingSteppedOn]

I one day just said that I felt like he loves the dogs more than me and he said I'm right and now he keeps telling me I should go outside while the dogs can stay in.

 

[Job8]

My husband doesn't care about my feelings in any matter let alone this one.

Looks like you have a serious problem. If you both can sit down with someone (preferably a pastor or elder) and talk about this, it would be the best thing at this point.

 

[Paidiske]

I one day just said that I felt like he loves the dogs more than me and he said I'm right and now he keeps telling me I should go outside while the dogs can stay in.

That is emotionally abusive. Please don't tolerate it any more than you would tolerate being physically abused.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I one day just said that I felt like he loves the dogs more than me and he said I'm right and now he keeps telling me I should go outside while the dogs can stay in.

Then I would tell him that I hope him and the dogs are quite happy together.

 

[follicallychalnged]

I know your Pain . I'd say he has become disgruntled with home life . I would hope for better for your sake . Give him the ultimatum dogs go . If he won't do ti and continues to abuse you .
GET RID OF THE ZERO AND GET YOU A HERO !!!!!!!!! If you don't have any more than 3 relationships to your credit there is a line out there waiting to marry you .

 

[Mountainmanbob]

My husband doesn't care about my feelings in any matter let alone this one. Just feeling terrible right now

When I was running a muck 10 years back my wife set us up with Christian counseling at a local church. I was willing to go and listen to and do what the Pastor and Bible told me to do. A few sessions and all has been pretty well since. Your husband has not learned the golden rule yet.

A happy queen makes for a happy king.

M-Bob

 

[RedPonyDriver]

When I was running a muck 10 years back my wife set us up with Christian counseling at a local church. I was willing to go and listen to and do what the Pastor and Bible told me to do. A few sessions and all has been pretty well since. Your husband has not learned the golden rule yet.

A happy queen makes for a happy king.

M-Bob

My husband didn't need a counselor...he ran right into my temper when I picked him up from his three week stint in the county jail. I RARELY explode but I did this one time. Scared him so bad he'll do whatever it takes to keep me from exploding like that EVER again.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

My husband didn't need a counselor...he ran right into my temper when I picked him up from his three week stint in the county jail. I RARELY explode but I did this one time. Scared him so bad he'll do whatever it takes to keep me from exploding like that EVER again.

For sure -- God makes some very strong Ladies these days.
Wouldn't want to tangle with mine -- she goes to the gym every morning.

If you don't treat me right -- you don't get no candy -- worked on the little ones ???

MB

 

[RedPonyDriver]

For sure -- God makes some very strong Ladies these days.
Wouldn't want to tangle with mine -- she goes to the gym every morning.
If you don't treat me right -- you don't get no candy -- worked on the little ones ???
MB

We haven't had any problems since. I don't bother with physical "fights". He got into my car and I verbally let him have it, then let him sweat in the car while I went to a dental appointment because I didn't have enough time to drop him off at home.

I was so mad I scared myself to be honest...It was the first time in almost 20 years that I REALLY lost my temper. I come from a big, rowdy Latino family. We're loud by nature. I had warned him years ago that when I got quiet was when the stuff was going to hit the fan. I let him stew in his juices for a few minutes then let him have it about the time I hit the freeway.

He completely stopped those behaviors, including the ones that got him locked up on the spot...