Husband changed his mind.

[brettnolan]

I believe he should sign over his parental rights. I think it's sick that he hasn't paid a dime of child support and probably never will but it will come back to him someday...and he'll pay one way or another. It seems the best thing to do for your child (IMO) is rid her of him because apparently he's not going to be a positive influence in her life. She will always have Jesus as her father and he's the BEST!

Having read your latest post, I agree with Violet. If there's no support to be had, no point making an issue of it. And it doesn't sound like he will care if you ask him to sign over his parental rights. He sounds like the ultimate deadbeat dad to me.

Here's a question: Do you think he marries just so he can have sex? Or has he had his share of premarital sex? Maybe he finds himself attracted to women that won't have sex with him until he marries them, then he has to leave because he got what he wanted. Just an odd thought.

 

[Manna]

Yes...deadbeat describes him pretty well IMO. It's really a shame. He has such potential to be a wonderful man of God. But you can't make someone be what they SHOULD.

brettnolan -- I would say yes, but I was definitely not the first of his partners. He was saved after his first marriage, and was never as strong as he should be. I really believe that if it hadn't been for the stand I took, he would have slept with me before we were married as well. So while that was an interesting point, I don't think it's accurate.

I don't know much about the law, and like I said, will be seeing legal advice. However, does anyone know any of the laws concerning parental rights in regard to the birth certificate? I highly doubt that he will be there at her birth to sign the birth certificate...does that make the situation better or worse?

Anna

 

[faith177]

Hi,

I will just tell my story because I think that it is hard to give advice in this situation because every person is different. I was pregnant at 17, I left the boy and went to live with my mom because we were very young. He went further into partying and drugs and at one point did not call us for a year or so. He never paid child support and I never pushed it although in hindsight I believe I should of because it would have forced him to take some responsibility.

My parents split up when I was young but my Dad was always available and my mom and dad never fought or put each other down and I was always very impressed with that, because no matter what he was my dad. When I make mistakes with my children I am still the mom, I do not believe in putting the child in the middle of our feelings even though I felt angry and abandoned I never said a bad thing about his Dad. I really feel strongly about this unless the Father is dangerous to the child as in physical abuse or sexual abuse then it is unhealthy for a child to not have a father and we have to put our feelings aside and keep the doors open for the child. If the child does not want to see him then that is his decision not ours to make.

Anyways I always encouraged the Dad to keep in contact with my son, I was friends with him and during a period of lonliness, we went to stay with him for a summer. I was enroled for college so I had to be back by sept, well I ended up pregnant again and we did not get along that summer anyways so i was quite upset. I did not want to be pregnant i had just been accepted in my program and spending the summer with him showed me that we were not ready to be together it was a very hard time in my life. I went back home I was living with my mom again and I did my course pregnant and this guy disappeared again and I didnt hear from him til after the baby was born and he was in jail, his life had spiraled and I believe God had a hand on him and pulled him out.

Now 13 years after my sons birth we are coming into the end of our second year of marriage, he changed his life and I forgave him, although it was hard, it was necessary for our children and to me that is what is important. I really believe that kids need both parents if at all possible. I prayed hard and still do. We have both made many mistakes in our lives but I believe it was through prayer that we are together now.

In a nut shell that is my story... keep praying for him, God can change anybody, keep the door open for your childs sake...

 

[Mistyfogg]

Manna, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have confidence that you will overcome this just by reading what you have said in your posts. I always say that God really likes you if you have major obstacles to overcome because he knows you will get through it and be closer to him in the end. If God brings you to it, He will get you through it. The father is not a real man. I can only hope that he will someday come to his senses. Don't get discourged or down, you have lots of support. God Bless you

 

[Manna]

Thank you. =) I appreciate all of the encouragement that I've received from this forum...you have all been so wonderful!

Anna

 

[E-beth]

Manna, my heart just breaks for you!!!

I think you should hit him up for support. Even if you are awarded only 5 dollars a week, that is a financial responsibility that he will have to make for the next 18 years. And if it is tough for him to make, then maybe he will think twice before making another baby. Besides that, you never know if he will hit the lottery or land a great job even three years from now. Can you imagine going through the couch for change for milk while he is driving around in a new BMW?

He is irresponsible, but you can hold him responsible in at least one way. And the burden might help him be a better person.

Also, I was abandoned when I was 5 and my sister as 8. It wasn't easy growing up...we were almost always poor in the bank, but my mother made sure we were rich in love. My family is also a strong supportive Christian family, and they have blessed me in many ways over the years. And I know it was my father's loss for leaving two smart and wonderful girls. And interestingly enough, I can see his life has not been very rewarding for him. God says He is the Father of the fatherless. So your daughter already has a few blessings coming to her, in spite of her circumstances.

 

[Manna]

Thank you so much for your post, E-beth. I appreciate you sharing your own experience and views! Very helpful! =)

Anna

 

[Flipper]

In Missouri, you can not get a divorce if you are pregnant. I thought that was the case in most states, so I'm surprised that you could get a divorce.

That being said, you should go after him for child support. Further, I think you can put his name in the birth certificate without his signature, but it depends on the state you live in. If you do go after him for child support, be prepared for the fact that he will be allowed visitation with your child if he wants it up until he abuses it.

I'm praying. You sound very strong. Have you signed up for WIC? It is NOT welfare, and you can qualify even if you have a job. It provides more than food and formula, it gives parenting classes and recommendations for medical care. It helped my sister who had my neice at 16.

 

[Svt4Him]

Sometimes I'm not proud of the male population, and I'm really sorry.

Here's my two cents. Know your rights. Being newly married probably won't entitle you to tons of alimony payments, but child support is a must. Get a lawyer if you can to review everything.

As for him, you can pray, but God won't violate his will. Now the fact that you still want to talk to him is really part of the process of dealing with a loss. It will get better with time, and I have found time usually is the cure. Don't do things that remind you of him, and find a support group.

Also, were you intimate before marriage?

 

[Crofter]

However, on Valentine's day my dear hubby informed me that he was not cut out for the marriage and family life and was leaving me.

Is he very young..? Sometimes the presures young men now are soooo huge... the pressures some guys feel just going into a marriage mess with their mind... the responsibility seems so high and they can question their ability to see this through... basically the stress of the whole marriage thing can crush a young man.. and cos they are so often so poor at talking through their emotion, and because if they did what they say so often is felt as hurtful by their spouce, there is no real chance of helping them through this time. Add to this the life long committment of a baby... it all just sometimes messes with their mind too much. The more the pressure the worse it gets... too much to cope with. This is just one posibility... might not be what is going on in your fellas mind though.

For you it dosen't help much... sorry.

 

[Manna]

He's 23. So yes, pretty young, and I agree that the committment and the quick pregnancy probably messed with his mind...but I don't believe that excuses his actions. He made a vow to God and to me, and since I did not commit adultery, I don't believe he was correct in choosing to leave.

As for the question about intimacy before marriage. I don't believe that information is anyone's business but ours and God's, but I'm not ashamed of it. No, we were not. I was pure on my wedding night, and I'm very proud of that. It's not something that many people can say, and it's a minority that I enjoy being a part of.

Thanks again for all the great input...everyone has been so kind! =)

Anna

 

[mle]

Wow I think it was a little late for him to change his mind. It sounds like you have a very positive attitude. Do you have a good support network? YOu probably have community outreach programs for pregnant moms. Get plugged in through church and other community resources. As a mom of a young one I know that there are many hard days. If you have propper support then the hard days will be easyer. My love and the Lord's blessing upon you and your child.