hurting...need some support

[GreyWolf]

Hey guys.

I screwed up and need some support. I had been doing well. Taking my meds, going to my day program - I wanted outpatient counseling but my insurance will only pay for a day program, isn't that weird? And generally doing well.

Anyway, a girl at our program died We weren't especially close but its so sad, I'm really sad for her and her family, she was only in her late 20s- it was natural causes, a blood clot. Such a tragedy! I regret I never came to know her better.....my heart goes out to all who were close to her and I can only hope she is in a better place, though I do not think she was a Christian when she died (I'm not making any judgements, its just that the way I have been taught is that if you are a Christian then you know for SURE you are going to heaven, if you aren't then you can't know for SURE) please no theological arguments, though, ok?...but I am so sad about it, and then something else happened- well, I guess not terrible compared to Siddick's death, but terrible for me.

My therapist and another counselor called me into the office an hour after I found out about the death, and accused me of spreading rumors about the girl who died. Apparently, someone told them I called them and said she hung herself?!? I had no idea what they were talking about! My counselor seemed to just be angry and wanted to get to the bottom of it, but the other counselor, a counselor I have every therapy group with and who I THOUGHT I got along really well with, was just staring at me with a look of disgust. Such disgust! I tried to explain that I never said that to anyone, that, in fact, I COULDN'T have called anyone because I'd just found out that morning, and my counselor eventually believed me, and told me she was sorry. They wouldn't tell me who said this lie about me. I think that Wendy (the other counselor, not mine) doesn't believe me- she wouldn't talk to me afterwards when I came to her crying but said she would only talk to me with my counselor in the room. I stayed home from program for three days, but tomorrow I have to go. If I don't go, I don't get my medicine, and I don't get any therapy at all. So I have to somehow face everyone knowing that there is this awful rumor about me, and not even knowing who started it! I've always been nice to everyone there, I don't know who hates me or why.

And I hurt myself, for the first time in a year and a half. I don't know if it was a sort-of suicide attempt or a self-injury, I won't describe what I did but I hurt myself. I was really upset. I still am. I can't sleep but I have to go in tomorrow and face everyone. And I'm so upset......I'm sorry...

 

[Alive again]

Hey guys.

I screwed up and need some support. I had been doing well. Taking my meds, going to my day program - I wanted outpatient counseling but my insurance will only pay for a day program, isn't that weird? And generally doing well.

Anyway, a girl at our program died We weren't especially close but its so sad, I'm really sad for her and her family, she was only in her late 20s- it was natural causes, a blood clot. Such a tragedy! I regret I never came to know her better.....my heart goes out to all who were close to her and I can only hope she is in a better place, though I do not think she was a Christian when she died (I'm not making any judgements, its just that the way I have been taught is that if you are a Christian then you know for SURE you are going to heaven, if you aren't then you can't know for SURE) please no theological arguments, though, ok?...but I am so sad about it, and then something else happened- well, I guess not terrible compared to Siddick's death, but terrible for me.

My therapist and another counselor called me into the office an hour after I found out about the death, and accused me of spreading rumors about the girl who died. Apparently, someone told them I called them and said she hung herself?!? I had no idea what they were talking about! My counselor seemed to just be angry and wanted to get to the bottom of it, but the other counselor, a counselor I have every therapy group with and who I THOUGHT I got along really well with, was just staring at me with a look of disgust. Such disgust! I tried to explain that I never said that to anyone, that, in fact, I COULDN'T have called anyone because I'd just found out that morning, and my counselor eventually believed me, and told me she was sorry. They wouldn't tell me who said this lie about me. I think that Wendy (the other counselor, not mine) doesn't believe me- she wouldn't talk to me afterwards when I came to her crying but said she would only talk to me with my counselor in the room. I stayed home from program for three days, but tomorrow I have to go. If I don't go, I don't get my medicine, and I don't get any therapy at all. So I have to somehow face everyone knowing that there is this awful rumor about me, and not even knowing who started it! I've always been nice to everyone there, I don't know who hates me or why.

And I hurt myself, for the first time in a year and a half. I don't know if it was a sort-of suicide attempt or a self-injury, I won't describe what I did but I hurt myself. I was really upset. I still am. I can't sleep but I have to go in tomorrow and face everyone. And I'm so upset......I'm sorry...

Father God, we ask that your Holy Spirit would precede before Greywolf and battle on her behalf, that you would reveal that truth in this situation, that you would tenderize the hearts of the staff towards her and others needs during this time of grief, that you would be glorified by how this situatioon is ultimately used for good in the life of greywolf. Father God we ask that you would comfort GReywolf during this time of pain and confusion, stop her thoughts and hand before she harms herself further, help to clear her mind and her thoughts to see you and lean on you during this difficult time. May your plan and glory bring help to all in this day treatment group!

In your Son, Jesus' precious name AMen!

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear GrayWolf



I am sorry to hear about your problems. Sometimes we can make more of it than it really is. Just put it to rest as you have done all you can.


It's sort of like a bucket of poop. The more you stir it the more it stinks.



It is very important to seek immediate help when we start to feel like doing what you did. We do have to take into account it is our sickness of which we have no control.



Emergency room or lock down. Whatever is available at the time. It is NO disgrace to do this and the mental health folks understand. This is not a time you wait for an appointment to come up.




Please know I do care and don't want to see you hurt.




EVEN IN THIS ALWAYS REMEMBER:






X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[willmrcd1]

Lord I pray that you will grant your child peace. Lord give your child clarity of mind and encamp your angels around her. Lord she needs your guidance and love. Father I pray that you will surround her with Godly men and women to pray and counsel her. Lord send your ministering angels to guide her into the right path. Give her hope Lord, because your Word says that You have plans to prosper and not to harm. Thank you Lord that you watch over your children, amen.

 

[angelkiss]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend
I know that it's bad enough for you to deal with the pain of losing someone let alone having to deal with the rumor and your counselors and all.
I know you're gonna think I'm crazy for say'n this, but HOLD YOUR HEAD UP!!! You did nothing wrong, you said nothing wrong, and there's nothing for you to hold your head down about. I know it's easier said than done, but if they choose not to believe you, then they're the ones who have to live with passing the judgement that they shouldn't have been so quick to make upon you in the first place.
God knows your heart, you know your heart, and that's what matters. I suggest that you go to the SI forum and read my thread under Hi. You may find that helpful.
Lifting you up in prayer!!
's and es!!

 

[PrairieGurl]

Dear Grey Wolf

I pray that you will be given the courage to face these people. I've always told my boys, that if they are not in the wrong...there is no reason to defend yourself...rumors are a terrible, terrible painful action which can destroy a persons confidence and self esteem...don't let this happen to you Grey Wolf.
Walk in there with your head held high knowing there are angels walking with you.

I myself am in a simular situation...I wish I could take my own advice. But it is always easier to encourage others than to encourage myself.

I really empathize with you.

Please post how you are doing after the 'meeting'

Wendy

 

[texannurse]

Praying for you! TN

 

[Jeshu]

Hey guys.

I screwed up and need some support. I had been doing well. Taking my meds, going to my day program - I wanted outpatient counseling but my insurance will only pay for a day program, isn't that weird? And generally doing well.

Anyway, a girl at our program died We weren't especially close but its so sad, I'm really sad for her and her family, she was only in her late 20s- it was natural causes, a blood clot. Such a tragedy! I regret I never came to know her better.....my heart goes out to all who were close to her and I can only hope she is in a better place, though I do not think she was a Christian when she died (I'm not making any judgements, its just that the way I have been taught is that if you are a Christian then you know for SURE you are going to heaven, if you aren't then you can't know for SURE) please no theological arguments, though, ok?...but I am so sad about it, and then something else happened- well, I guess not terrible compared to Siddick's death, but terrible for me.

My therapist and another counselor called me into the office an hour after I found out about the death, and accused me of spreading rumors about the girl who died. Apparently, someone told them I called them and said she hung herself?!? I had no idea what they were talking about! My counselor seemed to just be angry and wanted to get to the bottom of it, but the other counselor, a counselor I have every therapy group with and who I THOUGHT I got along really well with, was just staring at me with a look of disgust. Such disgust! I tried to explain that I never said that to anyone, that, in fact, I COULDN'T have called anyone because I'd just found out that morning, and my counselor eventually believed me, and told me she was sorry. They wouldn't tell me who said this lie about me. I think that Wendy (the other counselor, not mine) doesn't believe me- she wouldn't talk to me afterwards when I came to her crying but said she would only talk to me with my counselor in the room. I stayed home from program for three days, but tomorrow I have to go. If I don't go, I don't get my medicine, and I don't get any therapy at all. So I have to somehow face everyone knowing that there is this awful rumor about me, and not even knowing who started it! I've always been nice to everyone there, I don't know who hates me or why.

And I hurt myself, for the first time in a year and a half. I don't know if it was a sort-of suicide attempt or a self-injury, I won't describe what I did but I hurt myself. I was really upset. I still am. I can't sleep but I have to go in tomorrow and face everyone. And I'm so upset......I'm sorry...

Hi Greywolf it has been awhile since I have heard anyhing from you so I was stoked to hear that you have been doing well - untill now that is.

You didn't spread any rumours about this person, so you have nothing to fear - this must be your strongest line of defense otherwise this could become a real test for you.

I'm sorry to hear that you end-up hurting yourself over it. I suppose that tells us how hard this is on you.


Praying that you will be able to cope

Gerry