Humor

[Torah]

Soap Opera

The following letters were taken from an actual
Incident between a London hotel and one of its
Guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the
London Sunday Times for their humor column....
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those
Little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have
Brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the
Six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
Medicine chest and another three in the shower soap
Dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman -
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will
Be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took
The 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
Requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of
Your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in
Case you should change your mind. This leaves only
The 3 bars I left today which my instructions from
The management is - to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope
This is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid


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Dear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to
Her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
Back to my room this evening I found you had added 3
Little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
Cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two
Weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I
Won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the
Shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing
Teeth, etc. Please remove them. S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Mr. Berman, My day off was last Wed. so the
Relief maid left 3 hotel soaps, which we are
Instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps
Which were in your way on the shelf and put them in
The soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in
The medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't
Remove the 3 complimentary soaps, which are always
Placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new
Check-ins and which you did not object to when you
Checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can
Of further assistance. Your regular maid, Dotty


----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, The assistant manager, Mr.
Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called
Him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
Maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your
Room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any
Past inconvenience. If you have any future
Complaints please contact me so I can give it my
Personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM
And 5PM. thank you.
Elaine Carmen Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen, It is impossible to contact you by
Phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45
AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. that's the
Reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were
Already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he
Could do anything about those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was
A new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars
Of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her
Regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little
Bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, Your maid, Kathy, has been
Instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and
Remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
Assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM
And 5PM.Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder, My bath-size Dial is missing.
Every bar of soap was taken from my room including
My own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
Had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, I have informed our housekeeper,
Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot
Understand why there was no soap in your room since
Our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap
Each time they service a room. The situation will be
Rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies
For the inconvenience. Martin L. Kensedder Assistant
Manager
----------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who left 54 little bars of Camay
In my room? I came in last night and found 54 little
Bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.
I want my one bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize
I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my
Bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size
Dial. S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, You complained of too much soap in
Your room so I had them removed. Then you complained
To Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
Personally returned them. The 24 Camays, which had
Been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to
Receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4
Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did
Not know I had returned your soaps so she also
Brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't
Know where you got the idea this hotel issues
Bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size
Ivory, which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------




Dear Mrs. Carmen, Just a short note to bring you
Up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today
I possess: On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18
Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. On the
Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
Stack of 3. On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3
Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and
8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. Inside the medicine
Cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2. In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. On
The northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet,
Slightly used. On the northwest corner of tub - 6
Camays in 2 stacks of 3. Please ask Kathy when she
Services my room to make sure the stacks is neatly
Piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that
Stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I
Suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use
And will make an excellent spot for future soap
Deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another
Bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the
Hotel vault in order to avoid further
Misunderstandings.
S. Berman

 

[bigsierra]

LOL too funny

 

[epiclesis]

LOL!!!! That is GREAT. I hate those little bars of soap. We stayed in a condo in Myrtle beach for a month in February, and of course, I had my bath sized Dial soap... but they left 4-5 bars of little soaps a day PLUS like 2-3 bottles of shampoo. Mom and I collected them all, and put them in a bag, my Church collects that stuff for Christmas baskets every year so we'll donate them then for that purpose.

Wow, I ramble a lot.

 

[AMDG]

Hysterical! Thanks for that story.

 

[lionroar0]

This is funny. I work at a hotel now at the front desk so i can relate.

 

[LadyDJ]

 

[ZooMom]

ROFL!!! I actually have tears. 54 bars of soap!

 

[Michelina]

By the time I got to the end of the exchange, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't read the screen.

Thanks, Torah!

 

[Michelina]

ROFL!!! I actually have tears. 54 bars of soap!

Me too.

I don't know if this is a first, but I wouldn't be surprised:

I accidentally hit Edit instead of Quote and proceeded to edit your post. I tried to fix it, Sandy, but couldn't remember the whole thing.

 

[ZooMom]

Me too.

I don't know if this is a first, but I wouldn't be surprised:

I accidentally hit Edit instead of Quote and proceeded to edit your post. I tried to fix it, Sandy, but couldn't remember the whole thing.

LOL!!!! Oh my goodness! I remember Michelle doing the same thing. Ah, the pitfalls of moderator powers.

 

[Paul S]

Very funny.

This one's been floating around for a while, but it's still funny, and it reminds me of an experience at a Taco Bell. I ordered a chicken soft taco with cheese only (I didn't want lettuce and tomato), and the clerk asked if I wanted chicken on that. If that's what I wanted I would have ordered a cheese taco, wouldn't I? Ever since then, I'm more specific.

------------------------------------------------------

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting angry at me.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Clerk: "Is that it?"
Me: "Yep."
Clerk: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's to go." [I hate effort duplication.]
At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says,
Clerk: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
Clerk: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Clerk: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Clerk: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says,
Clerk: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Clerk: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Clerk: "Yeah."
Me: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
Clerk: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and
Clerk: "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Clerk: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Clerk: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Clerk: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Clerk: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says,
Manager: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."
[It was 8:00pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well-lighted indoor mall with a hundred other stores.]
Me: "Well, here's a two."
Manager: "We don't take those either."
Me: "Why not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really, tell me, why?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "What for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine, have it your way then."
Me: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.
A few minutes later, this 45-year-oldish guy comes in and says at the other end of counter, in a whisper:
Security Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
Guard: "Really? What?"
Manager: "Get this, a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
Manager: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "So, the fifty's fake?"
Manager: "No, the $2 is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Guard: "Yeah..."
Security guard walks over to me and says
Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "Uh, no."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "sure, please," but I wanted to eat, so I said,
Me: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says
Guard: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two-dollar bill."
Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food...

 

[ZooMom]

Uh... There's really a such thing as a two dollar bill? :o

 

[Paul S]

Uh... There's really a such thing as a two dollar bill? :o

You've never seen these? They exist, but they rarely circulate. I have a few stored at home from years ago.

 

[ZooMom]

No...never seen them. I do have a Canadian 2$ coin, but no, I didn't know that there was any American currency in that denomination. Cool. I collect money from other countries, and interesting US currency. I wonder where I could get one.

 

[epiclesis]

A bank, Zoomom.

I've had a 2 dollar bill in my wallet since i was about 7, it was given to me as a gift so I wanted to save it. I also have a canadian $2 bill.... I'll scan them later.

Thanks for the story Paul, I have muscle cramps in my stomach and jaw from laughing so hard.

 

[ZooMom]

A bank, Zoomom.

/me throws Steph in the closet for pointing out the obvious...


I knew that. No, really.

 

[epiclesis]

hey now, you asked! I'm not stating the obvious when you asked the question!

let me out of here, I'm kind of hungry!

 

[ZooMom]

/me slips some beef jerky under the door...

 

[epiclesis]

ewww gross... i'm a picky eater....

how about.. a cookie, with.... a sandwich.... how about you just let me out? what about when i need to go to the bathroom?!

 

[geocajun]

thats too funny!