Hubby won't help

[ChristianMama84]

I understand better now. I'm sorry. I would be very frustrated if my children could not have safe roam of our home. I also thought he was a year old already but I think I got Remy confused with someone else' little guy.

Do you sling or babywear? That helped me when my babes were non-walkers. I don't know just throwing out ideas that hopefully will make your situation easier for you.

I can understand your frustration with 60 hours a week if you've major projects to finish at home.

Remy'ss 11 months, so you were close. He's been using a walker since he was six months old, but now he's outgrown it. He's about 33" tall and weighs 28-29 pounds, so I don't think I could wear him anymore. Heh, I can barely carry him normally these days. I wish I could, it would make life soo much easier!

Are we married to the same man???

I go through the same thing!!! Except then he claims he does all my work too. :grumble:

Although I think he is just teasing and sometimes just frustrated that he doesnt come home to dinner on the table and the house clean (although I have been doing real good since I got a mei tai and can just put lucas on my back while I work)

I am sorry your husband is a crabby old man like mine!

I'm sorry! We should form a support group!

 

[Redstiletto]

Remy'ss 11 months, so you were close. He's been using a walker since he was six months old, but now he's outgrown it. He's about 33" tall and weighs 28-29 pounds, so I don't think I could wear him anymore. Heh, I can barely carry him normally these days. I wish I could, it would make life soo much easier!

I'm sorry! We should form a support group!

A support group would be nice!!!

Oh and as for wearing your son... try a mei tai... I was recommended one from my sons daycare teacher... because my baby bjorn hurt my back... and I will swear by this thing!!! I barely know he is there (except when he tries to eat my hair or bite my shoulder because I am standing still).

The daycare teacher isnt much bigger than me and her son is about your sons size, if not bigger, he is already a year old. And she said she can wear him for up to about 3 hours without any problems!

I get all my cleaning done with lucas on my back

Just a thought to try!

 

[ChristianMama84]

That sounds awesome!! Where do you get 'em?

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Online
http://www.meitaibaby.com/

 

[beccasmommy]

I have had the same issue with dh only because He felt like I did nothing and I felt like he wanted me to do everything. I am a daytime sahm and I work 8hrs/night at a hospice care center, so during the day I am evrything to everyone and at night the same, we eventually came to the understanding that I work my butt off druing the day and at night he can be a daddy to his kids. I know it is hard but try to hang in there *HUGS*

 

[ChristianMama84]

Online
http://www.meitaibaby.com/

Awesome! Thank you! I'll have to order one when we get our stimulus check. Do most kids like 'em?

I have had the same issue with dh only because He felt like I did nothing and I felt like he wanted me to do everything. I am a daytime sahm and I work 8hrs/night at a hospice care center, so during the day I am evrything to everyone and at night the same, we eventually came to the understanding that I work my butt off druing the day and at night he can be a daddy to his kids. I know it is hard but try to hang in there *HUGS*

Thank you! Yeah, this will be our schedule, too, kinda after I get out of school. I'll be meeting with clients when they get off work and do most of the wedding planning then, too. So we'll both be working about 60 hours a week then, once my business gets going good. That's why I need this to be resolved ASAP.

 

[Redstiletto]

I got mine through ebay since the mei tai websites sell them for like $80.00. Otherwise, you can make one too if you're handy with a sewing machine!

 

[Leanna]

This is my opinion, no doubt will be unpopular but don't care.

Changing diapers doesn't fall under "housework" IMHO -- so he should be doing that.

As far as housework, I believe you can do it all! The unfortunate thing is that since he is not willing to help now he won't be willing to help when you really do need help-- 2nd pregnancy sickness, post partum with several children underfoot.... if he's whining now, he's going to be useless later. I would plan and space pregnancies accordingly... in another words, you might want to avoid having 3 children under 4 if you have a husband who isn't willing to help you. My husband saves me. I still do all of the housework when things are together, but if I am behind or pregnancy-sick or have 2 kids with croup and pink eye or whatever... when it hits the fan he is there and knowledgeable about how to do almost everything around the house. He is also willing to get up at night, change diapers, wash puke off the floor, and pack up two sick kids and drag them to the pediatrician while I was in the hospital with Elijah. Seriously, consider large spacing between children if he is not going to be a support!

I notice a lot of resentment in the OP, and it seems this isn't necessarily about whether or not you can do everything around the house with a tot underfoot (it gets easier with more practice) its about his uninvolvement in the whole process.

I suspect that some financial advice would be a good place to start so that he can start working a more reasonable number of hours and you can live in a safe and reasonably comfortable atmosphere. What about a financial counselor-- maybe a leader from "Financial Peace University" could help you guys with your budget and a plan for the future.

 

[ChristianMama84]

This is my opinion, no doubt will be unpopular but don't care.

Changing diapers doesn't fall under "housework" IMHO -- so he should be doing that.

As far as housework, I believe you can do it all! The unfortunate thing is that since he is not willing to help now he won't be willing to help when you really do need help-- 2nd pregnancy sickness, post partum with several children underfoot.... if he's whining now, he's going to be useless later. I would plan and space pregnancies accordingly... in another words, you might want to avoid having 3 children under 4 if you have a husband who isn't willing to help you. My husband saves me. I still do all of the housework when things are together, but if I am behind or pregnancy-sick or have 2 kids with croup and pink eye or whatever... when it hits the fan he is there and knowledgeable about how to do almost everything around the house. He is also willing to get up at night, change diapers, wash puke off the floor, and pack up two sick kids and drag them to the pediatrician while I was in the hospital with Elijah. Seriously, consider large spacing between children if he is not going to be a support!

I notice a lot of resentment in the OP, and it seems this isn't necessarily about whether or not you can do everything around the house with a tot underfoot (it gets easier with more practice) its about his uninvolvement in the whole process.

I suspect that some financial advice would be a good place to start so that he can start working a more reasonable number of hours and you can live in a safe and reasonably comfortable atmosphere. What about a financial counselor-- maybe a leader from "Financial Peace University" could help you guys with your budget and a plan for the future.

Thank you, Janet! lol The knowledgable part hits home. He has no clue how to care for Remy, why he cries, or what he needs. I have to do it or it'll be done all wrong.

I definately agree about the spacing! Although I think I'm going to be done after #2, I believe that's all my nerves can handle. I still believe God knows best, and I believe He would agree with me on this. I might agree to 3, but Remy will be 5 before that happens. I think I'd lose my mind otherwise, I'm bout to lose it as is some days.

I've been wanting to talk to my friend, she's the financial advisor at a bank and she's awesome with budgeting! We shouldn't be struggling, all we have is a house payment that's 6.5% of his monthly take home pay. We got rid of the car a while back, so now we're looking for an old van that looks good for me.

We have a plan set, we just need to work towards it. That's part of the reason I'm back in school. We're going to eventually build our own home, probably next year. We just need to get our credit cleaned up and get things headed in the right direction.

 

[rocklife]

if you put your kid in a mommy's day out program like at church, you could get a break to have more time for your school and cleaning. if the baby is going to stay at home, it is going to be messy a lot, even with every day cleaning. kids are just messy, especially if you don't have nannies and cleaning staff like rich people. I would put in prayer requests for your husband and everything, I hope it gets better.

 

[ChristianMama84]

We're in such a small community that there's no such thing as mommy's day out programs or anything. Especially at our church. It consists of 20-30 on a good Sunday, so it's not an option. I wish it was, that would be an easy solution. The closest city to us is almost an hour away, soo not worth it with gas prices.

 

[Redstiletto]

would you consider a daycare even if its just for a few hours one day a week? my daycare is great and if i have to run errands/etc.. they kweep lucas a little longer so i can get my stuff done..

otherwise, another idea is... now that summertime is here.. if you have a young neighbor about 11 or 12 that want a fea extra dollard, have them come over for a few hours as your nanny... so you vcan work around your hoiuse and not worry about the baby, but you are there so the "nanny" gets babysitting experience and you can make sure theya re doing it right. my little sisters come over on the rough weeks so i can get laundry and cleaning done.l

 

[ChristianMama84]

would you consider a daycare even if its just for a few hours one day a week? my daycare is great and if i have to run errands/etc.. they kweep lucas a little longer so i can get my stuff done..

otherwise, another idea is... now that summertime is here.. if you have a young neighbor about 11 or 12 that want a fea extra dollard, have them come over for a few hours as your nanny... so you vcan work around your hoiuse and not worry about the baby, but you are there so the "nanny" gets babysitting experience and you can make sure theya re doing it right. my little sisters come over on the rough weeks so i can get laundry and cleaning done.l

I won't do daycare, I'm very adiment about that. I might ask my friend to watch him once she's done with school...That's a great idea! She wants another baby soo bad, maybe this might help her, too!

 

[Leanna]

At his age he should be taking 1-2 naps, that's your time to get housework done if you can't do it with him. However I think the better solution is to bring him with and teach him to do it Montessori style. My kids all come with and do housework or at least co-exist as I do it.

 

[sgrimsley]

I think communication is the important thing. I agree with what another poster said that sometimes, in such different roles, both parents can feel unappreciatve of what the other does. I also agree that DH should do something fun with Remy every night instead of something like diaper-changing. It'll make him want to be with him instead of having to make a chore out of it. I told Dh that when I go back to work in August I want him to be able to care for Lilly without a problem, so he's been taking her more and more so that she's used to him doing a lot of caregiving, and giving momma a nice break ;-) But, as far as housework goes, I get done the harder, deep cleaning when DH is home spending time with Lilly. But I get stuff like dishes and surface cleaning done while she's napping, and I can still sneak in a walk and an afternoon nap if I'm really tired. You should tell DH that your day isn't over when he gets home from work. You should have as much time as you need to get the house work done. If Remy's in his walker, I'd have DH keep an eye on him while you get done what you need to. And if something's overwhelming you, take a break. Go for a walk... that's my favorite time of day. Anyway, it'll get better. Remy's almost to the point where he'll be walking and able to help you. I'm praying for ya, hon. Give Remy a kiss for me.