I think it is most important to keep in mind the basic instructions in the Bible on what God's will is for marriage.
I heard a woman say once that it would be really bad to marry the wrong person that God didn't want you to marry, because they would have to get a divorce and marry the right person. That's just wrong thinking right there. God already ordained marriage as recorded in Genesis. If you find another believe and get married, you are married. If you married 'the wrong one'-- well, to bad. You're stuck.
Some people think they married 'the wrong one' after the Honeymoon phase wears off because they have to deal with living with a real person who does things differently.
There was one young woman who liked this young man. He didn't like her, and dated someone else. So she dated another guy, but still liked the first guy. She got pregnant with her boyfriend, and so married him. Years later, though, she thought that other guy who didn't even like her was the person God wanted her to marry, and that she was stuck with her husband because of her own mistake. That is a totally wrong way of looking at things.
There is a phrase in I Corinthians 7, "if you marry, you have not sinned." It isn't a sin to marry. If a 20 year old young man runs off and marries a 50-year-old spinster, and they do it rightly honorably, and they are both believers, there is no sin in that. They can be completely incompatible. That wouldn't make it a sin. It could be a foolish choice, but that doesn't make it a sin and it doesn't mean they shouldn't stay together until death do us part.
We want to do more than just not sin in this area. We want to make wise choices. From the story of Rebecca, we know that God can match someone up with someone else who is suitable. I knew it wasn't a sin for two believers to marry as a young man, but I really wanted to hear God and marry the woman He wanted me to marry. So I prayed about it. I had gone through a period of prayer about it (Christmas season overseas away from family-- how's that for motivation for praying about someone to share your life with.)
When I had that first conversation with my wife, I went home afterward and prayed and asked if this was the woman I was supposed to marry. My wife went home and prayed for us to marry and wrote it in her prayer journal that night. She'd been praying for a husband, too. We'd actually both seen visions of each other, not clear enough to recognize each other with certainty right off.
From when we met, and from talking on the phone and then meeting in person thereafter, there was a certain connection between us. We were at ease with each other. Spending time together felt natural, and of course we were very excited about seeing each other.
I also sensed the Lord was speaking to me about her being my wife. I'd pray, "Lord, is this the woman you want me to marry?" It sure seemed like He was saying 'yes' and after repeating my question over and over during prayer times, I thought I was hearing, "Yes, why don't you believe me?" Ouch. I got some encouragement, to, when I prayed about something my wife said that concerned me, got a word of knowledge about the situation, and then my future wife told me the story that I had gotten the word of knowledge about. That helped assure me that I was on the right track.
We faced some opposition to our relationship, and had to deal with issues with family, which is more of a necessity when dealing with people from a collectivist culture. We also had some encouragement in our relationship, several people in different conversations giving us the same verses, speaking prophetically without calling it that, and things like that. My parents were encouraging, trusting me to choose a godly wife.
I would have loved to have received a 'confirmation' thus saith the Lord prophecy while we were 'just friends' going out to dinner every night, and when we were officially girlfriend and boyfriend or whatever you call it. We saw each other for four months. Just about every evening, I would take her out for dinner. (I loved those developing country food prices.) We would spend weekends together and go to church together. I would escort her home. Parting was such sweet sorrow. Then she went on a missions trip for a long time. I think it was like 6 weeks. I prayed through on whether to propose. Two men, expats over there, one a missionary, the other a close friend from church, who were older gave me advice on how to make big decisions like this. Basically, it was pray about the decision, see if there is anything in God's word that supports or opposes it, and then if things line up, tell the Lord these are the reasons I am going to make this decisions. This is what I am going to do, but if you don't like it, stop me. So that's basically what I did. I went from being 80 or 90% sure this was the right thing to do, to being at perfect peace with proposing. For me, proposing was it. If we were engaged, there was no turning back. (I hate it in Hollywood movies when they stop weddings at the altar.)
I made that decision to propose a day or two before my wife came back from her missions trip. After I made the decision, I did get one of those confirmation type prophecies. An evangelist I knew, but hadn't seen since I started dating my wife, called us up after a meeting where he was guest speaker and prophesied about us going to many places and ministering to many people. It implied we would be together for a long time. I would have proposed anyway. It was interesting how God didn't let that be a factor in my decision, though, even though I'd prayed for confirmation so much.
I was going to use my birthday as an excuse to dress up take her out (the custom there is to treat others on your birthday). I went with an older gentleman we knew from church Monday to buy an engagement ring. I told her I wanted to meet with him about something. I proposed to her on my birthday. then the obstacles to marriage came up, riding a cattle car like boat for days to visit her parents and get engaged according to their culture, navigating through the hurt feelings of extended family who didn't like the way we had planned it, finding a date to throw the party, and paying for a meal for 200 people and a trip to the US to meet my folks (which the Lord provided).
The Proverbs say to trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Keep your heart focused on the Lord throughout the whole process, pray, and make decisions that are pleasing to Him. Be willing, even, to give up the relationship if He requires it of you.
