How to trust again?

[Midnight's Daughter]

How do you learn to trust other people again after physical and sexual abuse? I feel unable to trust and to open up, esp. to men. I really don't want to stay/end up alone but I don't know how to change. Not that people are trying to get close to me but I feel this constant mistrust eating at me and I don't want that.

Also, I would so love to accept that God loves me. Me as an individual person and not just humanity in general but low self-esteem and depression prevent that.

What would you recommend me?

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

How do you learn to trust other people again after physical and sexual abuse? I feel unable to trust and to open up, esp. to men. I really don't want to stay/end up alone but I don't know how to change. Not that people are trying to get close to me but I feel this constant mistrust eating at me and I don't want that.

Trusting people after being abused by people is something I can relate to. I will tell you what worked for me, that has now allowed me to trust a sledct few people, I can't guarenteer this will work but it might help. To trust people I started by telling them small things, that I wouldn't mind people finding out if they broke my trust, and as I got to know the person better I would share little bit of bigger thing. Also I would see if they would trust me, if someone trust you, if they do, I have found that they are more trustworthy.

Also, I would so love to accept that God loves me. Me as an individual person and not just humanity in general but low self-esteem and depression prevent that.

What would you recommend me?

For letting God love, the only thing that I have found helped, is reading the bible, the passages that talk about how much God does love us, also praying that I can feel his love. This has helped a little bit but, I still struggle with this one a bit.

Hope this helps a little bit, if you go any question on what I said, feel free to ask

God Bless
Nat

 

[Everlasting33]

How do you learn to trust other people again after physical and sexual abuse? I feel unable to trust and to open up, esp. to men. I really don't want to stay/end up alone but I don't know how to change. Not that people are trying to get close to me but I feel this constant mistrust eating at me and I don't want that.

Also, I would so love to accept that God loves me. Me as an individual person and not just humanity in general but low self-esteem and depression prevent that.

What would you recommend me?

The experiences that you have lived through must have been very painful and it is no wonder it is hard to trust. Physical and sexual abuse go to the core of our being and it really, really can negatively affect us. But, recovery is very possible and you are very much capable of overcoming your past.

I would recommend therapy. Only with the help of a professional can these deep rooted issues be lifted and taken care of. Survivors of abuse generally struggle with trust and intimacy. It's frustrating when you want both but it is scary and uncomfortable to be vulnerable and trusting! I know...it is hard. It can be hard to love and accept ourselves after abuse. We don't feel important, loved, cherished, taken care of, and accepted.

One of the best definitions of love comes from the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy and it does not boast..Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

That tells me that I am to be patient with my shortcomings, bad days and destructive habits. It tells me that I need to rejoice in the truth of who I am and reject all insecurity. But most of all it tells me that I have the ability to trust, hope and persevere because I am a worthwhile and precious human being that has great potential to live a joyfully and peacefully.

To accept means to "to take or receive willingly." To accept myself really means to WANT to receive both the strengths and weaknesses that make up me. It does not mean to deny, put down, or ignore but to truthfully and wholly acknowledge and receive each aspect of myself. This can be hard because if we see a part of ourselves that we do not like, we wish to disregard or punish it. Acceptance does take time and that is something I am working on.

I do not know how long it will take you or I to overcome our destructive habits, but I can only theorize that truly loving and accepting ourselves will fulfill that dream.
__________________

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Very good advice from both ^^ It's something I struggle with too, and I have yet to really find an answer.

 

[Johnnz]

Finding a really trustworthy person can be so helpful. Unfortunately they can be hard to find. When people break trust we need other people to model new behaviours that help us rebuild broken walls.

Many abused women will relate to your situation. Some here have already shared their experiences.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[Criada]

It takes time, sweetie... sometimes a long time.
Trust is easy to destroy, but very hard to rebuild.
But, it is possible, and you will get there.

You are incredibly precious to God...
Try to find space to just sit with Him.. He will show you His love.
Read the Bible, see what He says about you.
You are very, very precious.. and in time you will come to understand that.
Take things slowly, and look after yourself.

 

[Carolyn H]

I have found it is hard to trust again, especially when I have been wounded by someone. I have a tendency to avoid being hurt again. But, that does not help me heal. I guess I had to learn to connect with others, and the trust comes.

It helps me to know that God loves me best. No one loves me like He does. I try to spend time with him every day. I call it forming good habits. It is easy to forget him in good times and run to him in bad times. That is not the relationship I want...so daily time is good for me!