How to let a guy know you're interested...

[Altoman188]

If i may add, i don't think ill date a girl who makes the first move. I always initiate first interest, and let her respond in whatever manner. And that usually tells me if its going to work out in the short run, the long run is a bit more complex. I am not naturally very assertive, but this is something i think is killing male female dynamics. Men arent manly and women are sometimes. And i dont like manly women.

 

[tr0pica1rain]

If i may add, i don't think ill date a girl who makes the first move. I always initiate first interest, and let her respond in whatever manner. And that usually tells me if its going to work out in the short run, the long run is a bit more complex. I am not naturally very assertive, but this is something i think is killing male female dynamics. Men arent manly and women are sometimes. And i dont like manly women.

So in your case, what would you want the girl to do? Nothing? Just curious.

 

[E.C.]

If i may add, i don't think ill date a girl who makes the first move. I always initiate first interest, and let her respond in whatever manner. And that usually tells me if its going to work out in the short run, the long run is a bit more complex. I am not naturally very assertive, but this is something i think is killing male female dynamics. Men arent manly and women are sometimes. And i dont like manly women.

I hear ya. I work at a restaurant that has a bar section to it and I've seen some of the manliest women there. Gave me nightmares one time. :o
Thankfully that's as rare as a blue moon.

I believe a large part of the dilemma here has to do with how feminized Western society is as a whole; and has been slowly more so feminized for centuries. Thus we have men, as a whole, becoming more shy and less assertive. As well as a bit of a fear factor. Think about it. Guy walks up to a girl and says a pickup line of some sort (99.9% of which are cheesy), girl doesn't like it and calls the cops for sexual harassment. Guy gets sent to jail and the rest of his life the best job he can get is working as a janitor in a cheap motel. In more ways than one, Western society can be to blame here.

 

[Altoman188]

So in your case, what would you want the girl to do? Nothing? Just curious.

I would want her to want to spend time with me, Have intelligent conversations, laugh at stupid jokes. I would see if he wants to come to church for one, thats a good sign if he is christian or not, plus u get to spend time with him, even if it isnt talking time. and if ur friends all go out n do something, even more time. There are ways to go about it without asking him out but still sending the hint.

 

[Kol]

Originally Posted by Kol

Just flash him.
​

LOL. at work? Hm that might get me in a bit of trouble....

Yeah, I can see where that might be the case.

My wife flashes me all the time..like when we're having an argument. It's kind of like de-gauzing your screen or like when the sentinels are looking for Neo and Morpheus hits that electrictronic EMP thing. It has an effect on men. But I just thought if you flashed him, he would get the idea.

Seriously, I was never able to tell when a girl liked me until I got older. It's tough. Guys are pretty dense. From the man rules at MIstupid.com (and I quote), "subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!" I don't think guys are engineered to do anything but initiate, which makes things complicated because of the entire "we are all equal" debacle.

I wonder if the eyes would work. You can let all sorts of people know all sorts of things just by using your eyes. But if the eyes don't work, then maybe the clothes will. I would also suggest trying to spend time with him. Eventually, it might get through to him. Just keep in mind that it's going to be a lot like tunneling through rock to get his attention.

Whatever happens, good luck.

 

[Altoman188]

A very wise marriage councilor once told me "when ur married and having a very bad argument, just drop ur pants. It will stall the argument rather quickly, because its hard to argue and laugh"

 

[Hillsong4u]

First of all I also hate it when girls vigorously pursue me without shame ( not that the entire female population of Amsterdam is bashing my door down (!), I'm just talking about the odd 2 or 3 chicks.) It's just bad taste and they make fools of themselves.

My opinion is that some guys are unfortunately with all due respect too daft to see you are interested, so ask him if he "quickly" wants to grab a coffee after work or join him at the cafeteria at work for lunch - just a little gesture and if he is really ( like Dr. Phil said: ) "that into you", he'll make a move... So in that way put the fleece out there...

 

[ernest_theweedwhackerguy]

Times have unfortunately changed. Sometimes you have to take the first step, because some guys are chickens (i.e. my boyfriend).

Me...

Yeah, I'm a chicken. Like, there's this drop dead beautiful woman that comes to my place of work every day, and she always talks to me, keeps eye contact(Which slows me down, because I love eyes, and I won't drop eye contact until the lady breaks away first, but she never does), and she seems like the most nice, sincere, genuine woman I've ever met, but I can't seem to grab the cajones to ask her out...
I've been wanting to, all the signs are there, and every time she says, "I'll see you tomorrow", I feel like a retard.

So I kind of know what you're going through.
I'd say, keep throwing hints, and if he doesn't ask you, then... Well, either he's a sally like me, or he's not interested.

 

[Luther073082]

Contantine I agree with you in a lot of ways. I worked with a non for profit that one of its missions was to prevent sexual harrassment.

In doing that they also told us of some of the times that its been very wrongly misemployed. I know in one instance a female coworker filed a sexual harrassment complaint and won because a male co-worker in the office had a picture of his wife in a bikini at a beech. (I wonder if the wife felt sexually harrassed)

Most of the time sexual harrassment doesn't lead to jail, in this case he just had to take the picture off his desk. Most however do lead to firings or other reprocussions.

At the very least having your name dragged through the mud like that is bad. A lot of people turn their heads now when a woman shouts sexual harrassments, and lot of times no one finds out any evidence or what the complaint is about before deciding the guy is a jerk.

That having been said I think its stupid to make up rules about how a woman can't ask a guy out. Really I just don't understand that. Whats a woman to do if she likes a guy but can't get him to ask her out? Its not about being a real man, its about common sense. I don't attach any sense of masculinity to it.

 

[Luther073082]

1. Have you read Wild at Heart? I don't think you have, or else you would see why this is so frustrating for women to have "good Christian men" around. I for one am tired of "good Christian men". I want someone who is willing to be more than that. Someone who is not boisterously "macho" but who is also not just going to church every Sunday to ensure his salvation. This may be a little taboo... but I think there is more to this Christian life than just God's grace. There are battles to fight, you have to resist the Devil. (No one is exempt from temptation, not even YOU).

Of course I'm not. But I don't call fighting temptation a battle, I call it resisting temptation.

which brings me to question 2.

2. Do you have NO IDEA whatsoever of what a metaphor is? When Wild at Heart is talking about being strong, being in a battle, being a fighter...

this is NOT IN ANY WAY LITERAL. It's talking about spiritual warfare. Grace has saved us yes, but we're still tempted... we're still attacked (again this is spiritual, not physical!!!)... I have to face temptation 24/7.

So then women are warriors as well then. The metaphor might make a little more sense, despite how poor I think the metaphor is. (And it really is a dumb metaphor) Facing temptation is called self control and dicipline. Because its not like you have a good side and an evil side fighting eachother. There is only you, the temptation brings its temporal benifits and your lack of self control makes you wish you have those temporal benifits. But in the long run its not good and thats where self control and dicipline comes in.

Thats not a battle, thats called dicipline.

That's the war we're (spiritually) fighting. The world against the kingdom of heaven. And it takes REAL MEN and REAL WOMEN -- not people sitting in a pew and raising their hands when the music plays -- to go out there and reflect the One who put us here.

That's my two cents. Take it or leave it.

We are spreading the gospel and seperating ourselves from the world spiritually.

We arn't fighting the world.

not people sitting in a pew and raising their hands when the music plays -- to go out there and reflect the One who put us here.

Well realistically speaking one does not have to even sit in a pew to be saved as it is by grace alone we are saved and no works of ours.

However the salvation and grace we have received through Christ Jesus should result in a strong desire to serve him and his purposes in the world in the way that God has particluarly gifted us. *We give back to him what he has first given us, our time, talent and possessions* the litergy goes.

Besides I don't raise my hands above my head when music plays. If I did I'd give at least four people a heart attack. I'm a Lutheran if you couldn't tell.

 

[ChoirCupcake]

Of course I'm not. But I don't call fighting temptation a battle, I call it resisting temptation.

So then women are warriors as well then. The metaphor might make a little more sense, despite how poor I think the metaphor is. (And it really is a dumb metaphor) Facing temptation is called self control and dicipline. Because its not like you have a good side and an evil side fighting eachother. There is only you, the temptation brings its temporal benifits and your lack of self control makes you wish you have those temporal benifits. But in the long run its not good and thats where self control and dicipline comes in.

Thats not a battle, thats called dicipline.

We are spreading the gospel and seperating ourselves from the world spiritually.

We arn't fighting the world.

Ok, I see what you mean a little better now.

See, what you call resisting and I call a battle... it's the same thing. We just have different names for it, all right?

For me, it is very much a [metaphorical] battle for control... even though there is only ONE me, I have TWO sides to myself, like everyone else. One is my body that was born into sin (so by default, it wants to be sinful), and one is my spirit, that has been redeemed (so it does not want to be sinful).

Perhaps the reason these are such poor metaphors for you is because our minds work very differently. I have a vivid imagination and I think in pictures and actions, I can understand a lot of abstract ideas... but sometimes people don't get me at all. Your mind is probably a lot more literal, isn't it? That's a good thing!

The "world" is more of a connotation for the sinful nature that is all around us, not literally meaning the world (as in, people in the world). Because of course, you know, we don't fight "against flesh and blood", etc.

And by the way, I can never keep track of which denominations don't do what. I go to a very diverse inter-denominational church. We raise our hands, speak in tongues, play instruments, and all that jazz.

 

[SaintInChicago]

I think we've already derailed this thread plenty over Luther073082's inane ranting.

 

[Kol]

When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when to stop.

 

[tr0pica1rain]

Didn't really mean to cause a debate or anything.. Sorry!
I just don't understand things like this. I missed out on some by going to an all-girls school + being really flipping shy for most of my childhood and adolescence.
And I have never been kissed. So are you saying I am supposed to initiate that when (/if) the time comes too? My first kiss? Can't a man be a man once in awhile?

 

[Trashionista]

I don't see how asking someone for their facebook isn't being too forward. Heck, that's not even really a come on anymore.
Unless you've never actually talked to the guy, in which case that's kinda creepy.
But if there is an aquaintanceship/friendship already there, asking him for his facebook isn't being forward at all. But I wouldn't consider it a hint, either.

 

[SaintInChicago]

I don't see how asking someone for their facebook isn't being too forward. Heck, that's not even really a come on anymore.
Unless you've never actually talked to the guy, in which case that's kinda creepy.
But if there is an aquaintanceship/friendship already there, asking him for his facebook isn't being forward at all. But I wouldn't consider it a hint, either.

What are you talking abouthat'sacomeontothepointIT'SOVER9000!!!!!!

 

[Trashionista]

What are you talking abouthat'sacomeontothepointIT'SOVER9000!!!!!!

Was that not the original point made by the original poster?
I'm too lazy to get in on the girl vs. guy asking debate.
Anyways, I have no clue what you actually wrote and I'm not going to decode it.

 

[E.C.]

Contantine I agree with you in a lot of ways. I worked with a non for profit that one of its missions was to prevent sexual harrassment.

In doing that they also told us of some of the times that its been very wrongly misemployed. I know in one instance a female coworker filed a sexual harrassment complaint and won because a male co-worker in the office had a picture of his wife in a bikini at a beech. (I wonder if the wife felt sexually harrassed)

Most of the time sexual harrassment doesn't lead to jail, in this case he just had to take the picture off his desk. Most however do lead to firings or other reprocussions.

At the very least having your name dragged through the mud like that is bad. A lot of people turn their heads now when a woman shouts sexual harrassments, and lot of times no one finds out any evidence or what the complaint is about before deciding the guy is a jerk.

Too true in the last paragraph.

I find making up extreme scenarios helps at times. Its also a little amusing as well.

That having been said I think its stupid to make up rules about how a woman can't ask a guy out. Really I just don't understand that. Whats a woman to do if she likes a guy but can't get him to ask her out? Its not about being a real man, its about common sense. I don't attach any sense of masculinity to it.

Overall, for decades and decades its typically been the guy doing the asking (at least in the USA, I can't say for any other place) and slowly and slowly the whole "who asks who" wall is being torn down.

Best thing to do most of the time is be upfront. One of the servers at the restaurant I work at had a table with a girl at it that he liked. From what little bit I could pick up, she was probably interested in him as well. One of the managers who was on the clock at the time told him "hey, if you like the girl just tell her you think she looks nice and go from there". Certainly gives him the element of surprise because not everyone hears such honesty.

But I digress.

 

[Tropica]

Hello

I have only read the first and last pages, so excuse me if this has already been said.
I have two peices of advice
1. Get friendly with him
Where appropiate, have converstations with him at work, learn what his interests are and share yours, that way you can both know if you have anything in common or if his a Christian, and if so how serious/mature.
2. If you are friendly with him or do get friendly and have common interests, invite him in a general way to something. For example "Oh you like cricket, theres a game on this saturday, me and my friends are going, so if your going we'll probably run into each other, or you can come along with us if you like"
and thirdly, just remember, however it goes, whether you meet up or not and if you do, either of both of you say no to catching up again. To be confident in yourself, you (and hopefully he) hasnt done anything to embarrass yourselvels by expressing interest in another person, even if its not returned its a compliment to them.

Oh Im new by the way.....hello

 

[jdemnyan]

Aside from the side debate about whether or not "spiritual warrior" is proper terminology, I have only one more thing to add in addition to what has been written.

You mention that the man you are interested in works with you- be careful...

I'm not saying that workplace relationships can't work out, but as one who did have one, let's just say that things got very interesting very quickly...
If the relationship sours, you could have a real mess on your hands.