Another question I am often asked is, "How do I know if I am in love or just infatuated?" Is this relationship worth pursuing, or is it just two people infatuated with one another? Relationships do often begin with infatuation, but healthy ones move on to mature love. Too often what appears to be love is simply infatuation. Here are some ways to know the difference between the two.
Real love edifies. Two people in love seek the best for the other person. Their attitude toward the other is, "How can I help make you everything God ever intended you to be?" The two have found their fulfillment and security in Christ, and as a result, they can securely serve with the other's best interest in mind.
On the other hand, infatuation is selfish and driven by the desire to have your own needs met. "Infatuated love insists upon continual reassurance from the other person. It makes unreasonable demands that stem from possessiveness and insecurity. Charted on paper, it would range from high peaks of certainty to valleys of doubt. Unstable in its duration, infatuation is like a seasonal monsoon; it comes, blows fiercely, and moves on."{1}
Second, love is based on knowledge. One must first get to know the other person over a significant period of time and in many different circumstances. As you see the other person's character strengths and weaknesses, ask yourself, "Do I still feel strongly attracted to him or her?" Try this exercise. List as many attributes of the other person as you can, including strengths and weakness, and the evidence to support your claims. If you have a good-sized list, you probably know the person well and are basing your decision on knowledge. If it is infatuation, your list will be quite short. When two people are infatuated, what they are often attracted to is an idealized image of the other person.
Third, ask yourself, "If I were blind, would I love this person?" In other words, can I love this person without any physical expression? Is my desire for him or her based on quality of character or just physical attraction? If you can't express your love apart from the physical element, it is not true love. Physical involvement will distort two people's perspective, and it often leads to unwise decisions. Physical involvement can make people feel close, but upon careful examination, the only thing the two may have in common is lust.
Finally, real love endures. Over time, real love grows and matures. Two people in love can wait for God's time, no matter how long it may be. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient and love always perseveres or is long suffering. True love will endure the tests of time and difficulty. Infatuation is marked by impulsive and emotional decision making. It wants to rush into things before prayer or wise counsel is considered. Driven by insecurity and possessiveness, false love seeks to rush the process of physical intimacy and even marriage. True love, on the other hand, is willing to wait on God's time and allow the other person to grow and become the person God desires him or her to be.
As we conclude, remember this truth: God loves you and desires that your relationships be joyous and meaningful. He will not let you go wrong in the area of dating if you let Him be the Lord of every aspect of your life.
Taken from http://www.probe.org/docs/dating.html
Real love edifies. Two people in love seek the best for the other person. Their attitude toward the other is, "How can I help make you everything God ever intended you to be?" The two have found their fulfillment and security in Christ, and as a result, they can securely serve with the other's best interest in mind.
On the other hand, infatuation is selfish and driven by the desire to have your own needs met. "Infatuated love insists upon continual reassurance from the other person. It makes unreasonable demands that stem from possessiveness and insecurity. Charted on paper, it would range from high peaks of certainty to valleys of doubt. Unstable in its duration, infatuation is like a seasonal monsoon; it comes, blows fiercely, and moves on."{1}
Second, love is based on knowledge. One must first get to know the other person over a significant period of time and in many different circumstances. As you see the other person's character strengths and weaknesses, ask yourself, "Do I still feel strongly attracted to him or her?" Try this exercise. List as many attributes of the other person as you can, including strengths and weakness, and the evidence to support your claims. If you have a good-sized list, you probably know the person well and are basing your decision on knowledge. If it is infatuation, your list will be quite short. When two people are infatuated, what they are often attracted to is an idealized image of the other person.
Third, ask yourself, "If I were blind, would I love this person?" In other words, can I love this person without any physical expression? Is my desire for him or her based on quality of character or just physical attraction? If you can't express your love apart from the physical element, it is not true love. Physical involvement will distort two people's perspective, and it often leads to unwise decisions. Physical involvement can make people feel close, but upon careful examination, the only thing the two may have in common is lust.
Finally, real love endures. Over time, real love grows and matures. Two people in love can wait for God's time, no matter how long it may be. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient and love always perseveres or is long suffering. True love will endure the tests of time and difficulty. Infatuation is marked by impulsive and emotional decision making. It wants to rush into things before prayer or wise counsel is considered. Driven by insecurity and possessiveness, false love seeks to rush the process of physical intimacy and even marriage. True love, on the other hand, is willing to wait on God's time and allow the other person to grow and become the person God desires him or her to be.
As we conclude, remember this truth: God loves you and desires that your relationships be joyous and meaningful. He will not let you go wrong in the area of dating if you let Him be the Lord of every aspect of your life.
Taken from http://www.probe.org/docs/dating.html
