How to Keep Old Earthers Away!

Annabel Lee

Beware the Thought Police
Feb 8, 2002
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HOW TO KEEP OLD EARTHERS AWAY!

Dr Hotie himself, in an attempt to help you conquer hell should it attack your neighborhood (perhaps in the guise of a "Canadian" "astrophysicist" who is also an "evangelical" "pastor"), has written the following form letter for you. Copy it and send it to the pastor who has fallen for the charade and actually invited him to speak. Then sit back and count the hours until this pastor suddenly has "second thoughts" or has been "shown by the Spirit" that the evolutionist should cancel! You shall be victorious, comrade! It really works!

Dear Pastor ___, my poor, mislead brother in Christ,

It has come to my attention that you have actually invited the evolutionist, [reprobate’s name here], to speak at your church. I must admit I am sorely disappointed.

I understood you to be a man of integrity and character, not of compromise and falsehood. I believed you to be one who wants to lead his flock to greener pastures, not to the slaughter.

Perhaps it is in ignorance that you have invited him? Perhaps you were swayed by his “godliness,” his fine demeanor, his graciousness, his claims that he is an “evangelical Christian,” or that many have “been lead to Christ” by his “ministry.” Don’t fall for the devil’s lies! I know better.

Here are some things you should know about this so-called “man of God.”

Did you know he has an advanced degree from a university! And not just any university, mind you, but one which has atheists as part of its faculty! Do you really want a man like this teaching the people whom God Almighty has put in your care??? I didn’t think so.

Do you know this man teaches things contrary to the clear teachings of Scripture? I thought not. He teaches…[add here any of the following; it doesn’t matter which, the godless evolutionists are all cut from the same rotting cloth]

The earth is billions of years old!
The universe is billions of years old!
The story of creation as told in Genesis is not what the Authorized Version clearly teaches!
Each day in Genesis One is really a long period of time!
The Flood did not cover all of planet Earth!
The canopy theory, clearly explained in the Bible, is bogus!
There was death before Adam and Eve fell!
Dinosaurs are not mentioned in Job, despite the evidence!
You get the idea. Here is one who wants to deceive the very elect, just like the Bible warns. Here is one who puts the teachings of man above the Holy Word of God! Here is one who, just like the Devil himself, prowls around seeking whom he may devour! And he wants to devour your sheep!!!

You can imagine what happens in churches once he has spoken! One who accepts his teachings soon denies the inspiration of the Bible. This poor sap will soon question things – even your teachings!!! They soon come to regard creation science itself as mindless irrational teaching! What will that lead to? A denial of the Trinity, the Atonement, the Resurrection, the existence of God, the SECOND COMING!!! Wide is the path that this man is leading you down - a path straight to hell fire!

This, dear Pastor, is the sort of man you have invited to your church to “teach” your people. For shame!

I would then, with the deepest heartfelt concern, here ask you - nay, warn thee! - not to let him come into your church. We should not let these reprobates even cross the very thresholds of God’s House!!!

One last thought from the depths of my humble and concerned heart: Do you want to be responsible for the eternal damnation of those who end up following this man and his ilk!? More importantly, do you want to be the source of increasing division and decreasing tithes!

Remember: Once he has spoken, the toothpaste is out of the bag!

Be brave. Call him now and say thanks but no thanks! But don't talk to him; he will attempt to clear things up! The Devil should never be given a chance to explain! Remember what happened to Adam & Eve when they discoursed with the serpent?! You just leave him a message saying you will allow no irrational, mindless reasoning from some alleged “Christian leader” to lead you and your flock into the fields of ignorance and death, while at the same time making His Church look the fool!

I shall pray. You can thank me whenever.

Humbly, your servant,


:cool:

http://swordandspirit.com/_UPSTAIRS/YECCH/index2.html
 
The lunatic writes: "One last thought from the depths of my humble and concerned heart: Do you want to be responsible for the eternal damnation of those who end up following this man and his ilk? More importantly, do you want to be the source of increasing division and decreasing tithes?"

"More importantly"?!? ROFL! At least he has his priorities in order. After all, what's another ****** child of God compared to the possibility of losing revenue?

If I were cynical, I might be tempted to read into that paragraph twenty centuries of Christianity.

If I were cynical. ;)
 
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It's unfortunate that my previous post shows up with "******" in place of what I really wrote; it makes it appear that I wrote something worse than I did. For those who care, the bleeped word is related to "eternal damnation" or, perhaps, "lost soul".

It's odd. "Eternal damnation" may be the most obscene, anti-human notion ever spread, but no one even blinks at the thought of it. But a word that means the same thing and is commonly heard in bars and seminaries throughout the land fails to make the cut.
 
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Pete Harcoff

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Hehe, yeah I think it was pretty obvious that article (and site) is satirical.

Personally, I like their "Are YOU an Evolutionist?" questionaire:

--------------------------------------

Evolutionist" defined:

If you answer "yes" to any one of these you are an evolutionist:

1) Do you accept any part of Darwin's "Theory"?
2) Do you believe that any species of living creature has changed in any way, shape, or form since the day they were created?
3) Do you believe the Earth is billions of years old?
4) Are you Catholic?
5) Do you believe the universe is billions of years old?
6) Have you read any books by Hugh Ross?
7) Do you think there is any other way of interpreting the sacred English words of Genesis as written in the KJV version of Scripture other than that a day means a 24-hour period?
8) Have you heard of Stephen Gould?
9) Do you believe the Genesis Flood was a local flood?
10) Do you believe that there was any form of death before Adam and Eve fell in the Garden?
11) Do you have an advanced degree from a godless university?
12) Do you ever doubt or question the teachings of any young-earth creationist, such as Dr Don K. Hotie?
13) Do you seriously think that the "big bang" is anything but some idea straight from Hell itself meant to destroy the Church on earth???
14) Do you watch PBS science shows?
15) Do you attend Chuck Smith Jr's church?
16) Do you deny that the creatures described in Job 40 and 41 are dinosaurs?

If you answered "yes" to any of these, you believe man evolved from primordial slime! You are an evolutionist - you are not welcome here.
 
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ocean

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Originally posted by Annabel Lee
HOW TO KEEP OLD EARTHERS AWAY!


Did you know he has an advanced degree from a university! And not just any university, mind you, but one which has atheists as part of its faculty! Do you really want a man like this teaching the people whom God Almighty has put in your care??? I didn’t think so.

Do you know this man teaches things contrary to the clear teachings of Scripture? I thought not. He teaches…[add here any of the following; it doesn’t matter which, the godless evolutionists are all cut from the same rotting cloth]

The earth is billions of years old!
The universe is billions of years old!
The story of creation as told in Genesis is not what the Authorized Version clearly teaches!
Each day in Genesis One is really a long period of time!
The Flood did not cover all of planet Earth!
The canopy theory, clearly explained in the Bible, is bogus!
There was death before Adam and Eve fell!
Dinosaurs are not mentioned in Job, despite the evidence!
You get the idea.
http://swordandspirit.com/_UPSTAIRS/YECCH/index2.html


Wow! He must be the anti-christ!
 
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