How to handle sleepovers with in-laws???

[HeKnowsMyName]

DD who just turned 6 has never slept over at my in-laws before. They live about an hour away and I'm not really comfortable with the travel distance. Plus they don't watch their other grandchildren like I would if they were in my care. So in other words, I have a phobia about DD staying over there. DH thinks we should let her so I've consented to let her this summer so as not to cause problems. Anyway, would you just directly tell them that if she goes outside with her other cousins that I insist they be outside as well? They live in the woods and have a pond right next to their house. We have a pond as well, but we don't allow her outside without us right there. I know of families where kids have drowned and I'm just really concerned about the way they let the other grandkids roam the land. Also, when you get two or more kids together, they tend to get try more things that just one alone might never try.

And car seats, they don't put DD's cousin in a car seat (same age), but we still put DD in a car seat. DH took DD over there one time and told his Mom that she needed to get the car seat out of his truck if she didn't have one and she acted like all was fine. We found out later that DD was not in a car seat. Neither one of us were very pleased. So should I also insist that if she goes anywhere, that they use our carseat?

I don't want to be a pain to them, but I feel that God gave us this precious child and we have to do what we think is best for her. And yes, I'm what some would call over-protective, but that's just the way I am and I'm fine with it. Please don't tell me I'm too overboard, I don't need to hear that right now.

 

[A1nitewolf]

Easy .... Your kids Your rules!!!

If they don't want to follow them, then they lose the privilege of having them come over. Your not going overboard at all. Just make sure you and your husband are on the same page.

 

[Linnis]

I agree, she's your child your rules. If you are not comfortable, then you keep her home. It's better to make waves than get a call your daughter drownd in the pond.

I cannot understand the logic of letting children play by open water alone. That and the car seat business, no wonder you don't trust them.

Maybe you could suggest a day visit, where you go with her or your DH does or you go as a family for a few hours.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Easy .... Your kids Your rules!!!

If they don't want to follow them, then they lose the privilege of having them come over. Your not going overboard at all. Just make sure you and your husband are on the same page.

Well, I told DH before I let her stay that I would have a chat with them and I don't care how crazy they think I am. I just don't know exactly what to say AND I'm afraid I'll get emotional because I am pregnant. :o

 

[CarrieAg93]

Well, I told DH before I let her stay that I would have a chat with them and I don't care how crazy they think I am. I just don't know exactly what to say AND I'm afraid I'll get emotional because I am pregnant. :o

IMO, your husband should be the one to talk to them. They're his parents. That's the way we handle things. I deal with my parents and he deals with his.

 

[Linnis]

IMO, your husband should be the one to talk to them. They're his parents. That's the way we handle things. I deal with my parents and he deals with his.

I agree, it should be your DH or both of you together(with him doing the majority of the talking) otherwise they'll write it off as you being the controling DIL and not listen to you.

 

[A1nitewolf]

This is just my 2 cents but,

Maybe it would be better if you both talked to them at the same time. Having both of you tell them the rules will show them that your united, maybe causing them to think " Hey they're serious about this " . And you are allowed to be emotional, they are YOUR KIDS!!!

 

[andiesmama]

Yep....you are the parents, you guys make the rules. If the grandparents can't abide by them, then they shouldn't be allowed to watch your daughter.

I also agree that the both of you (you & DH) should speak to his parents, presenting a "united front" & all that....

 

[jgonz]

I agree with everyone else.

My kids won't stay with MIL at all, unless 2 or more stay over together. She doesn't understand it, but I don't care. They're my kids and I do what They need, not what MIL wants.

 

[HeatherJay]

Maybe for the first over night visit or two, you could ALL stay with her? That way, she'd get to play with her cousins, spend time with her grandparents, but you'd still be there to sort of make sure all is well.

My parents live 10 minutes away...my kids have never stayed over without us. My in laws live 6 hours away...my kids have never stayed over without us.

It's not that I don't trust their grandparents with them...I absolutely would trust either set in a second...but that way no one ever has to take over the responsibility of watching out for OUR kids.

Also, we both enjoy our inlaws...we like spending time together as one big family.

But maybe that's an option for at least the first couple of visits...just to make sure some basic, non-confrontational ground rules are laid.

 

[greenessa]

Definately present a united front. "We expect" not "she".

The car seat can be handled by installing it yourselves saying how tricky they can be. If it is a booster just putting it in place may be enough. Your daughter should know also that it isn't acceptable to be in any vehicle without a car/booster seat.

The lack of water safety is a no compromise situation. Supervision or she doesn't go without a parent. I think her going and having to stay in while the other kids are out would be tough for her to handle.