How to handle sexual problem

[gmc132]

I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a problem. A staff member has been caught (for the second time in 3 years) looking at pornography. We want to be redemptive and healing for him, but need to do right by the church as well. Does anyone out there have any experience with this sort of thing in your church? What might an appropriate response be? We're considering multiple options but I'm really interested in hearing from some of you that have had to deal with the issue. Thanks much for your advice.

 

[GROOVYGIRL]

I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a problem. A staff member has been caught (for the second time in 3 years) looking at pornography. We want to be redemptive and healing for him, but need to do right by the church as well. Does anyone out there have any experience with this sort of thing in your church? What might an appropriate response be? We're considering multiple options but I'm really interested in hearing from some of you that have had to deal with the issue. Thanks much for your advice.

Pornography is immoral and disgusting.

 

[AngelAmidala]

Well, I think that gmc132 realizes this. He's just looking for a way to minister to the staff member dealing in this.

I haven't had any experience in this field at my church, so I'm sorry I can't be of much help.

 

[Karl - Liberal Backslider]

We want to be redemptive and healing for him, but need to do right by the church as well.

I would hope that being redemptive and healing was doing right by the church!

Clearly this person has difficulty controlling the temptation.

1. Does he have to have internet access
2. Can you install some kind of software that prevents access to material of this nature?

 

[EJO]

I think you should handle it such as any employer would.

Fire them. It is not tolerated in ANY job that I have had. It speaks bad of the employer and is disrespectful to other people who have to work around that person.
At the same time though, point him in the right direction for healing and growth.
www.xxxchurch.com, and also, get a web filter on the church system! www.we-blocker.com is an easy free system that works VERY well.

God Bless, EJO

 

[ZiSunka]

I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a problem. A staff member has been caught (for the second time in 3 years) looking at pornography. We want to be redemptive and healing for him, but need to do right by the church as well. Does anyone out there have any experience with this sort of thing in your church? What might an appropriate response be? We're considering multiple options but I'm really interested in hearing from some of you that have had to deal with the issue. Thanks much for your advice.

Counselling. Tell him if he wants to keep serving God at your church, he has to stay in counselling until he has this thing licked. And take him out of any counselling role he has at the church, and any leadership of children or teenagers will have to stop for now, too. You don't want a porn addict being the role model for younsters.

Anyone who would bring porn into a church has some self-control issues at least.

 

[ChrisOSX]

Don't any man kid himself and say that pornography isn't an issue for them. This man needs God's grace and I recommend asking yourself what Jesus would do. "Neither do I condem you. Go and sin no more." Help this brother out; keep it confidential. Pray together. Is he married? Does his wife know he has this problem? Buy him the book "Every Man's Battle" and discuss it with him weekly. If he is married, perhaps they need to discuss their sex life. I'm not pointing the blame on his wife, but certainly she can play an important role in his recovery. I'd venture a guess that if he is married, his sexual relationship with his wife is damaged, or severly lacking. They need to work this out together.

Is he repentent? Sorry? Pained?

Finally, only Jesus' redemption and grace is sufficient. Is he a spirit filled christian? The power of the Holy Spirit is needed to break his bondage.

Though I don't know his name, I will pray for him right now.

 

[ElElohe]

Don't any man kid himself and say that pornography isn't an issue for them. .

An unfortunate "Amen" to that--though I would optimistly use the word "lust" instead of porn in that sentence. Personally I may have mostly licked my temptation to what people would officially call porn, but still have an issue with lust.

My parents church had a situation. A leader was caught in sexual misdoings at his chiropractic practice. Here, it got into the papers so anonymity wasn't an option. Course porn is more private. That's the danger of it on the internet in particular.

It was complicated by the man lying at first concerning his guilt. After it came out, the family left the church, sadly. And the leaving was with blessing.

Since then one or two people have said "we need to restore him." Bogus. He has not repented is the word. Pastor Bob will have none of that. Repentence must preceed any change. By definition is change.

Every Man's Battle is good from a practicle standpoint. Though I was saddened none of the information was really new

 

[SAVEVERYONE]

Hey everyone whats the difference between porn and lust never have got it, to me I think there the same because either way your commiting adultry, so what if we dont look at porn, when we lust were basically looking at porn in our minds by lusting after someone, undressing them with our eyes,lets all pray were set free period from it all, sin is sin there is no white lie, theres no bigger sin than the other, God sees sin as sin, Got on a different subject forgive me rants over now, to this person looking at porn and who got caught, hes got a disease called sin just like everyone on this earth we all got this disease called sin period, so what we need yes is the grace and neverending mercy od Gods hand to extend to him, Jesus never condems, he always lifts us up when we fall, never condemn anyone for there sin or kick them out, Jesus doesnt kick them out he brings them into his chest and holds them dearly to his heart, we just need to encourage him and lift him up, and show him the errs of his ways, and tell him to repent and turn completely away from sin and to start following Jesus like were all supposed to be doing, instead of following our sin, we all need to crucify are flesh daily right when we get out of bed we say no to flesh and say yes to Jesus amen, love you all...

 

[sweet peace]

My response to the original post would be that I would question just what other venues he might be using on the net as well to accomplish his satisfaction of lust. I would be concerned he might be using his church affiliation to have others online trust him. There is so much to be wary of these days. And I would also agree with the other response, it's like a job and he needs immediate dismissal for his position.

Private suggestions of counseling would be a good thing too for ones not directly related to the hiring and 'firing' of church positions to go to him with.

And of course prayer by all for him is a must.

 

[RED that's ME]

True we need to restore a christian person who is falling if he is repentance but you said this has happened more than one time that he was caught and no telling how many times he did it and wasn't.
I think he needs to be removed from your church staff. Most businesses would not tolerate this behavior and being on a church staff should have even higher standards. I personally wouldn't go to him for counseling or anything else and most women wouldn't....so he is a liability to your ministry and not an asset.
As any Christian who is falling if he is repentent he needs to be restored as a brother in Christ.

 

[dogma]

This person may be opeing the church up to a legal problem. If your church is using a Cable or DSL technology the provider may have a clear cut policy and you may be able to simply show the person the policy by the provider to help them see the light. I'd use a filtering device to prevent this person as well as children that may happen to use the computer(s) from getting access to this. Don't allow data lines in the office if you have DSL or Cable. Remove all the modems from the office. Www dot snapgear dot com has a device under $400 and a monthly filtering service that you can install in a matter of 30 minutes and then you have no problem. The snapgear device is used in Libraries and schools. It is good stuff. There is another product that is more expensive and requires a network engineer to setup from www dot n2h2 dot com. Be firm but forgiving.

Good luck. I don't know what the person does for the church but I would weight that before letting them go. Also, talk to your attorney. God is the judge and we need to look past this as best we can. I'd send them to a shrink as well as minister to them.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

1 out of 3 men regardless of whether they work in a church or not.
He can beat it. He needs to realize that we stand as a body and when he fails, it hurts the body, not just him.
That's serious. So you need to be serious.

 

[stubbornkelly]

When you say "caught," do you mean in the office? Whether or not it was in the office will have a great bearing on the situation.

 

[endure]

i just want to say this straight up, because im tired of hearing something that was said earlier, i love the person that said it and who ever thinks it but it absolutelty not the truth.

NO NOT EVERYMAN HAS AN ISSUE WITH PORNOGRAPHY!

first of all, diffrent people struggle with diffrent things.
second of all, there is victory over any and all sinful desires and pornography does not have to be an issue. there ought not be this sneaking around and defiling of oneself, a person pleasing themself as they look at pictures.

(im sorry if im being graphic, or im sorry if im sounding like i dont understand what its like, but i have the right to talk about becuase it ruined my life and i went through it all myself)

lust is not the biggest demon outthere and yes it can defeated just like any other sin, lust, touching yourself, all of that, it can be defeated in Christ.

i praise God that i know men personally that do not have an "issue" with it.

is it a danger? yes.
must it be an "issue"? no.

is it pride or arrogance to say one is free from it? no.

i have close friends that havent seen a picture or wanted to see one in years, it can be defeated through Christ.

and please women, do not believe that everyman you will ever find is beaten up by pornography and lust, becuase they arent all.
i know how hard it can be, but the truth is, if somethings hard to do, YOU DOIT HARD! dont tell you cant get free when youve never prayed for several hours straight about it or went on a severl week fast to break it.
just becuase you enterested in being free, doesnt mean you desire it.
there is freedom from all sin, if your willing to suffer and pay the price.
1 pet 4.1-2
but it is a very real war.

sorry i had to say all that, becuase some people actually believe that all men everywhere touch and that all men have weaknesses and issues to pornography.

about the staff member.
i dont believe he should be allowed to stay on staff while that is a present problem, he is a representation of Gods house and is over people etc.
no way.

do you love him? yes.
do you baby a grown man who is mature enough in the Lord to be on staff at a church? no way.
men of God should not expect to be treated like children.

 

[ElElohe]

lust is not the biggest demon outthere and yes it can defeated just like any other sin, lust, touching yourself, all of that, it can be defeated in Christ.

amen.

That's because it is like any other sin. There are not distinctions made between sins. If you break one part of the law, you've broken it all.

I know I referred earlier to most men struggling with lust (not necessarily porn as was indicated in my post). I as well know men that don't struggle with it on the level that most do or at all, but by my experience most do. And again I'm not necessarily referring to porn, but lust. Both are sin on the same level. Christ said if you look at a woman with lustful intent you've committed adultry. Whether she is clothed or not.

 

[oworm]

I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a problem. A staff member has been caught (for the second time in 3 years) looking at pornography. We want to be redemptive and healing for him, but need to do right by the church as well. Does anyone out there have any experience with this sort of thing in your church? What might an appropriate response be? We're considering multiple options but I'm really interested in hearing from some of you that have had to deal with the issue. Thanks much for your advice.

Not sure if this thread is still active but you could direct your friend to
http://everymansbattle.com where he will find resources and support from a community of christian men who have struggled with this and other sexual issues. Its no use installing blocking software on his pc as that doesnt deal with the core issue of his problem.There is however accountability software which can be installed from either: http://www.netaccountability.com or: http://www.covenanteyes.com/
Viewing internet pornography is a symptom of a far deeper problem.

 

[oworm]

amen.

That's because it is like any other sin. There are not distinctions made between sins

1CO 6:18 All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.