How to handle Infadelity

[Jason_23]

My life’s a mess and it’s all my fault. My wife and I got involved in sexual sin a few years ago and it’s caused a lot of pain on both sides, but the thrill prevented us from stopping. Recently God started working on my heart and I started feeling convection.

I expressed that I wanted to stop to which she resisted, but agreed to.
She suggested we need Christian counseling, both individually and marriage to which I agreed and started my individual counseling a few weeks ago. We are supposed to start marriage counseling at the end of this week.

I found out a few days ago that she didn’t honor our agreement and has continued to see someone behind my back. This was a dagger to me and I’m really struggling from this betrayal, but she has a self admitted sexual addiction now. She has expressed to me that she doesn’t want to end the “lifestyle” that we were involved in, but has not admitted to seeing anyone behind my back. I found out on my own and have not confronted her about it.

I was planning on confronting her during counseling, however she informed my yesterday that she doesn’t know if she wants to do individual counseling g, only marriage. The issues she has can only be dealt with in individual counseling. She has a great deal of resentment towards me for several things, including leading us into this sin and now she says that she’s very resentful because all of our marriage we have done what I wanted and she got into this because it was what I wanted and now I want out and she resents that I’m trying to shut it down on my terms.

I'm struggling with what I should do. If I confront her now with the affair she’s going to get really mad because I found out by snooping on her. I can try to hold it together until counseling, but unless she agrees to individual counseling I don’t think she will work through the bitter feelings she has towards me. I can also could leave and tell her she needs to make the decision as to if she wants to be committed to our marriage.

 

[savedthroughgrace]

I personally don't think I would confront her. As you said, you're the one that got your marriage into this mess to begin with. I so glad the Lord is working on you and convicting you. Now it's time for you to lead your household spiritually. If she doesn't want to go to individual counseling, fine. Go together to marriage counseling. Its a starting point. You can't expect her to change overnight based on what the Lord has convicted YOU of. After all, you brought her to this point by your own admission. The Lord may have convicted you so that you can help her come out of sin. You also seem to be making a lot of assumptions about whether or not she can work through her feelings towards you, and whether or not she can do it without individual counseling. My opinion is to start with what she IS willing to do. And that appears to be marriage counseling. You have nothing to lose in trying....and EVERYTHING to gain.

Our God is a God of miracles. He saved my marriage from my own destruction. And if He wills it, and both you and your wife commit (its possible she may take longer to commit)....he can save yours too.

 

[NerdGirl]

My life’s a mess and it’s all my fault. My wife and I got involved in sexual sin a few years ago and it’s caused a lot of pain on both sides, but the thrill prevented us from stopping. Recently God started working on my heart and I started feeling convection.

I expressed that I wanted to stop to which she resisted, but agreed to.
She suggested we need Christian counseling, both individually and marriage to which I agreed and started my individual counseling a few weeks ago. We are supposed to start marriage counseling at the end of this week.

I found out a few days ago that she didn’t honor our agreement and has continued to see someone behind my back. This was a dagger to me and I’m really struggling from this betrayal, but she has a self admitted sexual addiction now. She has expressed to me that she doesn’t want to end the “lifestyle” that we were involved in, but has not admitted to seeing anyone behind my back. I found out on my own and have not confronted her about it.

I was planning on confronting her during counseling, however she informed my yesterday that she doesn’t know if she wants to do individual counseling g, only marriage. The issues she has can only be dealt with in individual counseling. She has a great deal of resentment towards me for several things, including leading us into this sin and now she says that she’s very resentful because all of our marriage we have done what I wanted and she got into this because it was what I wanted and now I want out and she resents that I’m trying to shut it down on my terms.

I'm struggling with what I should do. If I confront her now with the affair she’s going to get really mad because I found out by snooping on her. I can try to hold it together until counseling, but unless she agrees to individual counseling I don’t think she will work through the bitter feelings she has towards me. I can also could leave and tell her she needs to make the decision as to if she wants to be committed to our marriage.

Honestly, this mess is way too big for anyone on an internet forum to help you with. All we can offer is prayer. Continue with whatever counseling you can manage for yourself and for her.

 

[SANTOSO]

Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God so that at the right time He may lift up you both.

If you have confessed your sins, seek the Lord’s mercy, return to the Lord and repent,
the Lord will have compassion on you and He will abundantly pardon.

As you have received God’s mercy and His grace of repentance, you should show mercy and grace to your wife.

Don’t be moved by what you see and feel but be moved what you believe that God can do for your marriage and family.

It is painful but endure it. For you are suffering for what you have done wrong, now it is time to suffer for doing what is right.

When you suffer for doing what is right, you can take the Lord’s yoke and burden ; For the Lord is gentle and humble in heart; He is willing to suffer with you for doing what is right.

Trust in the Heavenly Father’s love that His love can carry through this.
Nothing is impossible with God.

You humble yourself by submitting to the Father of spirits and live. Then you are a true son not illegitimate son.
Yes, it is painful but accept the Heavenly Father’s discipline. Later, it will produce a harvest of righteousness and peace.

When you are hurt, you can surrender and unload your burden to the Lord; He will sustain you.

Remember: trust the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean according to your understanding ( mind ). The Lord will level your paths.