how to deal?

[PassionateOne]

this is a little 'off topic' from marriage....but this section is busier than others & my hubby is getting tired of me talking about this.

How do you deal with work life? Do you get along with all co-workers and if you don't? How do you handle it? Does your boss respect you? Or could care less about you?

I am trying to decide if it's worth it to continue working there?

 

[andy b]

this is a little 'off topic' from marriage....but this section is busier than others & my hubby is getting tired of me talking about this.

How do you deal with work life? Do you get along with all co-workers and if you don't? How do you handle it? Does your boss respect you? Or could care less about you?

I am trying to decide if it's worth it to continue working there?

thats up yo you but the grass always seems greener on the other side ...different jobs same muppets working there.I was very opinionated and militant when younger, it got me no where.I now just go in do my job try to inject a bit of faith in the workplace and go home the key is not to get involved in the petty quarrels and backstabbing that goes on every where.

 

[DreadWarrior]

I get along with my boss for the most part. I do always worry that if I were to change jobs that I would just end up with a boss that is even worse. I tend to not like where I am, but often don't see it worth the risk of moving on.

 

[WolfGate]

Changing jobs is scary. No doubt there is risk in making a move. But if your current job is making life at home worse, or if it isn't rewarding in some way to you, I don't think it's worth staying. Perhaps if you look at it and the job is such that the paycheck is needed and you're not carrying the stress into your non-work life it would make sense to stay. Otherwise, a job should be an overall positive contributor to your life.

I realize that is not the case for many people. But in most cases, you can (and should try) to find a job that is more positive than negative. Ideally, you'd be paid to do something you love with positive co-workers.

 

[Johnnz]

Working environments vary, but sadly too many are more like Darwinian jungles than well managed enterprises. But human fallenness will be manifested wherever there are humans - work, sport, entertainment, politics, church - its all around. Wheat and tares are growing together.

John
NZ

 

[akmom]

How do you deal with work life? Do you get along with all co-workers and if you don't? How do you handle it? Does your boss respect you? Or could care less about you?

I try to remember that I am there to perform a function, and that I need to do it well. I'm not there to socialize or have some emotional need met. So I deal with work life by reminding myself of that. Sometimes I have to pray that God humbles me, helps me do my best and stay on task. I do get along well with my co-workers and I feel like my boss respects me, but I think this is because I have been able to be professional. I have been slighted a few times, but I try not to engage them, nor remember it.

Looking back at past jobs, I can think of a lot of situations I could have handled better. There were so many times my actions were motivated by pride, hurt or insecurity. I wish I had just ignored that and acted professional. I think the ability to let it go comes with age. When you see the same personality types over and over, the same basic conflicts over and over, and the same outcome (it's not the end of the world), you just kind of learn to brush it off. Or at least you can conjure the kind of responses that sound cool and collected, and allow yourself to process it later.

When there is a confrontation, I think, "It doesn't matter whose fault it is, it's doesn't even really matter what happened, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. So what is the solution, or next step, for getting the JOB done?" I mean, if you are trying to save face or justify yourself or make a situation fair, you're probably always going to be disappointed! But if, at the end of the day, the job got done and you got paid, that's all you need to worry about. Leave work at work! Because it really, really, really doesn't matter how people treat you if you aren't emotionally invested in it. At least that's what seems to work for me.

 

[PassionateOne]

thanks for the thoughts!!

This job is sooooo challenging for me!!! I LOVE what I do, but I have never worked for a more disrespectful boss, who treats me horribly!! For the most part, I get along with everyone, but two people.

I can get past my angst for these two people & show up & leave....but being disrespected by my boss, makes it hard to stay. I have been trying to figure a way to co-exist.

 

[ValleyGal]

thanks for the thoughts!!

This job is sooooo challenging for me!!! I LOVE what I do, but I have never worked for a more disrespectful boss, who treats me horribly!! For the most part, I get along with everyone, but two people.

I can get past my angst for these two people & show up & leave....but being disrespected by my boss, makes it hard to stay. I have been trying to figure a way to co-exist.

This is not acceptable. I mean, their disrespect is not acceptable. It is an abusive work situation, and imo, if there is a governing body, you should report them. Record/journal every act of disrespect. Look up "workplace bullying" for specific bullying behaviour, and then document every single time it happens. Then report to their supervisors. You will likely lose your job over it, so look for a new job in the meantime.

I get along with pretty much everyone. There are two types of people I find too toxic to be around, and one of them is a chronic bully. I loved my last job in child protection, I loved my colleagues at the other offices, and had a developing friendship with my child protection buddy in my own office. But my boss was very abusive. She set different standards for me than for others, she made me go outside with her while she smoked if I needed a consult, the goalposts kept moving, she was blatant about playing favorites, her language was very foul, she rarely showed up before 11:00 am, was rarely available...and a host of other really unprofessional behaviours. I finally started documenting after I'd been there for about 8 months, and because of the power imbalance between the supervisor and myself, I took it to another supervisor who I trusted. She told me to take it to HR. I did so, but then the HR left her position two weeks later, and I was terminated without cause after I'd been there for a year.

Had I known then what I know now, I'd have taken it to the governmental body which oversees child protection, and I'd have reported everything the boss was doing, along with some of the other unethical practices I saw going on there. People like that need to be stopped. They need to be told that how they treat people is not okay. They are bosses and supervisors and leaders. So they need to learn how to lead in ways that is going to make people want to follow because they deserve to be followed, not because they have to be followed due to their position.

If the situation for you is not actual bullying, but rather simply a personality difference or conflict of values, perhaps you have another supervisor or boss in the company you can talk to about some strategies for getting along. I do find understanding someone goes a long way, and knowing how to be tactful in responding to their unacceptable behaviour goes a long way. Maybe there is someone you can talk to about these kinds of strategies that would work with that person in your workplace.

 

[PassionateOne]

So they need to learn how to lead in ways that is going to make people want to follow because they deserve to be followed, not because they have to be followed due to their position.

Exactly, thanks for that post. No, she doesn't bully me....but rather, thinks I'm not important enough to listen to, cuts me off and talks over me or walks by, like I don't exist.

It's fine, to not acknowledge me (I just think, "whatever"), but to disrespect me, in front of others & talk over me? Yes, she favors the people that work directly under her......I don't work 'directly' under her, but she is still the boss of the whole office.

I can go to the district office and complain.....but I am still in the thought process.

 

[ValleyGal]

Have you ever stopped her when she tries to talk over you? I mean, if someone is talking, other people need to stop and listen, no matter who it is. And if she interrupts, are you able to cut her off and say "excuse me, I was talking and would appreciate if you would wait until I'm finished."

You might put in an anonymous suggestion to her supervisor that effective leadership training might be in order for managers in the organization. John Maxwell is a good one, and he addresses character qualities of an effective leader. Or maybe they could all become coaching managers - this is where they build others up to be all they can be in a way that advances their (employees) chances in the organization.

It's tough to be in a stressful job situation. I'm sorry you're going through it.

 

[akmom]

I think it would be really difficult to bring the issue up with the district office, because it's kind of vague. I don't think it's the kind of behavior that they would take seriously enough to intervene. And that is probably why your boss has chosen it. It isn't blatant enough for reprimand, but it's enough to discourage a person... the most misbehavior she can comfortably get away with.

I can't really think of a tactful way to respond to that yourself. If you have something to say regarding business, you need to be able to say it. But calling her out on interrupting you might come across as petty, or provoke the confrontation to a higher level. What might be helpful is a colleague (or a few) who can discreetly override her. Can you talk to someone about what is going on, and see if they'll back you up? When your boss interrupts you, they can plan ahead of time to chime in and redirect the conversation back to you. "What was that you were saying, PassionateOne?" And then that person, or another person, could deliberately refer back to what you said later in the discussion. "Sounds like a plan. And I was thinking about what PassionateOne said too, and it needs addressed."

If you have people around you validating you, it becomes less rewarding for her to blow you off.

 

[PassionateOne]

I think it would be really difficult to bring the issue up with the district office, because it's kind of vague. I don't think it's the kind of behavior that they would take seriously enough to intervene. And that is probably why your boss has chosen it. It isn't blatant enough for reprimand, but it's enough to discourage a person... the most misbehavior she can comfortably get away with.

If you have people around you validating you, it becomes less rewarding for her to blow you off.

Yeah, she's done other things to other people & said things to some people, about what she institutes & doesn't care if 'some' people don't like it. She's very short and abrupt with what she says. There's not alot of people (that don't work directly under her) that like her. The only people that like her, are the ones directly under her and she does favors for. So, I'm sure alot of people would back me up.
Ehhh, I'm in the thinking stages.

Also, last week, one of my coworkers, that I don't care for or trust (because she's controlling & bossy)....I 'had words' with. I'm sure she won't make the same mistake again, she tried to do, last week....we stay away from each other, now. And I feel so much better!!!!