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How to deal with Unforgiveness

Discussion in 'For New Christians' started by JesusisallIneed, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. JesusisallIneed

    JesusisallIneed Newbie


    I hope you fellow Christians can help me. I am trying to let my past be the past and move on to a new life with Christ. I have made some mistakes in my past-pretty bad ones and have hurt some people not physically but with words and I have went to them and apologized to them and also asked God to forgive me. 2 people in particular. One person who is a family member accepted and moved on. The words I expressed to this family member was the truth on what I felt in my heart but it hurt them but they have forgave me. This happened 3 years ago. The other person was a church leader. I went to him and apologized and we hug each other and he accepted my repentance oh so I thought. He is turning people away from me now and it hurts. He is bad mouthing me within my local community after the fact (even though I apologized to him) and I am helplessly on what to do. I have went to God several times and repented and asked for forgiveness and I am trying to move on with my life but I feel I am being labeled. People who barely know me but know him will not talk with me whatsoever. I cannot even walk into a church without being judged. I feel that the whole church community is judging me. I thought as Christians we are not allowed to walk in un-forgiveness. So it is almost like I have been black listed. We all make mistakes in life and we pay and learn from them. Been how to you deal with weeping what you are not sowing????
  2. JesusisallIneed

    JesusisallIneed Newbie

    Also how do I deal with people acting mean towards me for no reason??
  3. salida

    salida Veteran

    I would leave;they don't sound christ like and God commands them to forgive. Go where they really show God.
  4. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran

    Christians (no matter the title) don't always practice what we "preach." But you've done what you were suppose to do Biblically. So pray and asks Yahweh to help you not become offended. You know once we take steps to live an unoffended lifestyle, to live in peace (Gal 5:22), there will be bumps. It's an opportunity to renew your mind with His Word (Rom 12:2). So when those mental recordings begin, replace them immediately with Scriptures such as "You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. {4} Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength." Isa 26:3-4). As someone posted the other day, there's nothing in Scripture for us to do that we can't do with His help.
  5. JesusisallIneed

    JesusisallIneed Newbie

    This message is so important I wanted to post in here too:

    "DONE" dear friend our time is never done. We are always enriching our lives. You know something I talked with my uncle tonight and I told him what I was going through and you know what he told me...........as we were talking he said while we have been on this phone for over an hour many people have died, been shot, battling cancer, been in a war, etc worldwide.... so this little stuff is small compared to the other stuff going on in the world. To us it's big because what happens in our lives has a direct impact but when you compare it to the world it is like a needle in a stack of hay. He really opened my eyes to let me know do not let the little things have a huge impact on my life. Don't worry about things that are not within my control but to give to God. So the harder the enemy strikes God will be my shield. I fear nothing.
  6. Malachi814

    Malachi814 Newbie

    1 John 2:3-6
    'We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him", but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made comlete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.'

    Matthew 6:14-15
    'For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.'

    Friend, it appears members of your church are not walking in the light. Do not let others have you doubt the salvation you have in Jesus Christ, he loves you and has promised to forgive you. This is what matters.
  7. parsley

    parsley .

    Not just almost.
    It shows you the climate of the church. People might be believers, but they are not in an emotional/spiritual place where you can function in their fellowship. Don't let that control you when it doesn't have to. Make a fresh start somewhere else.

    Also, "He surrounds the righteous with favor, like a shield. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies."
  8. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    There are two points that I think are worth making here. First, do not make the mistake of projecting man's imperfection onto God. Man obviously has trouble with the forgiveness/letting-go thing. But God doesn't. You do not need to repeatedly go back to God and beg forgiveness. If you asked once, sincerely, He will receive that. What you subsequently need to do is trust in that forgiveness, and walk in it. Christ has purchased your peace with God at an incredibly high cost, and He's not going to easily rescind it. We just need to admit our mistakes and be yielded to His ongoing restorative guidance. That's all He asks of us.

    You may need to abide awhile in a season of godly discipline. God isn't out to punish, but He is out to sanctify. So if there are some difficult goings-on for a while, don't be surprised, it's par for the course. But like Job, you'll come out of it "poured forth like GOLD".

    The other thing is man. You have found the dirty underbelly of the church, I'm sorry to say. Welcome aboard, many of us have been there. It's a hard thing to digest, but you will learn not to trust in man, but to hearken only to the voice of the Lord. Of course, He can speak and act through man, but there is a critical distinction that must be made if we are to press on to maturity.

    If after a season of testing it becomes clear that these people are not on your side, you may have to look elsewhere for the kind of fellowship Paul exhorts Timothy to find: "with those who call on the name of the Lord from a pure heart".
  9. JesusisallIneed

    JesusisallIneed Newbie

    Thank you all so much. One thing I did today is totally surrendered to God. Without complete surrender it was hindering me in dealing with these issues. So I have cast this problems upon God to deal with and I trust with 100% faith he will fix the issues. I have done everything spirituality correct.

    God forgave me and that is what matters. You guys are right I have to deal with storms. I just keep praying and reading my bible and surrendering to God. Yes a lot of people have a hard time letting go. The words I spoke were the truth and how I was feeling but sometimes the truth hurts people and they take it personal. So I apologized to them for hurting them and have faced the consequences of their pain. I hope they let it go because if they don't they will not make it through the gate. I pray for them.

    As I reflect upon my life I realize I have 2 important things to work on and that is improving my self esteem and working on anxiety. I often let things effect me that shouldn't because I am a caring and loving person.

    So from this day forward if people that I come in contact with me want to judge me, be mean, gossip etc I will just put God's shield over me and let them have at it and not worry about it. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord so everyone has to face judgement day and the big question will be is who will be ready I know I will :) :clap:
  10. winifred

    winifred Guest

    'For this is thankworthy,
    if a man for conscience toward God endure grief,
    suffering wrongfully.
    For what glory is it,
    if, when ye be buffeted for your faults,
    ye shall take it patiently?
    but if, when ye do well,
    and suffer for it, ye take it patiently,
    this is acceptable with God.
    For even hereunto were ye called:
    because Christ also suffered for us,
    leaving us an example,
    that ye should follow his steps:
    Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
    Who, when He was reviled, reviled not again;
    when He suffered, he threatened not;
    but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:'
    (1 Timothy 2:19)

    Hello JesusisallIneed.

    It is sad to think that you are having to deal with this unpleasantness. I can only suggest that you keep a low profile, and ensure that you continue behaving in a manner that will honour the Lord, until their behaviour alters. If you are showing respect and love towards them in the face of their hostility, then that should make them reconsider their own uncharitable behaviour towards you.

    Commit them to the Lord and leave them with Him, for He only can judge justly, and just keep your eyes stayed on Him at all times, and praise Him in your heart constantly for each one of them, for this could be an opportunity to learn something more of the love, mercy and grace of God in Christ Jesus, as you seek to glorify God in your walk and witness.

    This will mean walking contrary to your natural feelings, but praising God for them, in the face of their coldness and hostility, is the way to victory in Jesus Name.

    * Remembering always that you yourself were saved by God's grace ('unmerited favour').

    'Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
    That ye may be blameless and harmless,
    the sons of God, without rebuke,
    in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation,
    among whom ye shine as lights in the world.'
    (Phil. 2:14,15)

    In Christ Jesus
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2012
  11. Bible2

    Bible2 Guest

    Actually, self-esteem isn't something Christians should want to have (cf. Galatians 2:20, Luke 9:23, Luke 18:13-14).

    Regarding anxiety, the answer to that is immediately praying about anything we become worried about (Philippians 4:6-7).


    Yes, but if we truly forgive others, we won't want God to bring any vengeance against them. Instead, we will want God to show them the same mercy that he has showed toward us for our own sins.


    Paradoxically, we can wrongly judge others for wrongly judging us (cf. Romans 2:1). We can wrongly not forgive others for not forgiving us (cf. Matthew 6:15).
  12. Emmy

    Emmy Senior Veteran

    Salvation Army
    Dear JesusisallIneed. In His Prayer, Jesus said: " Father forgive us our trespasses, as we will forgive those who trespass against us." You have asked forgiveness, and those who will not forgive you, will not be forgiven by God. Now let go, and let God. All is safe in His Hands. You have done what you had to do, now God will take over. Thank God for it, and then forget it, God will remember, and His Law of Justice will take over: we all reap what we sow. I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.
  13. Fulltruthministry

    Fulltruthministry Newbie


    You did what you were supposed to do; sounds like a small town;I feel your heart; Gods love moves us to care for others; but we cant control the way they feel about us: We do things to please God; not men;
    Just because men wont forgive; doesn't mean God wont: So you keep seeking Gods face and you watch Him give you peace with those that rise against you;
    Just as you repented because you wanted to please God; then continue to wait; Dont be moved by men;
    Thats our calling; to not be moved by our flesh; but rather to live according to the Spirit:
    SO we dont let the flesh of others move us either; we trust in the Spirit that keeps and protects us and gives us peace
  14. MBAivory

    MBAivory God does not need money but a lamborghini does

    If this is how the church leader treats one of his congregation that he has forgiven, I would hate to see how he treats those he has not forgiven. I would move on to a church that is no way connected to your current church. Beware of how quickly gossip travels.

    Best of luck to you!
  15. Rascus

    Rascus Newbie

    I too have or feel that I must have some issues with this same matter...as sometimes I feel that my prayers are in vain....and really dont know why whether lack of love or faith. But anyway, as with you this church leader doesn't seem as though he accepted your apology....and I not knowing him cant say for certain. But I do know that if you were sincere and asked the Lord for forgiveness then you have no worry there as He is just to forgive! Id say its time to move on with your life in Christ and maybe search for a church where people may be closer with the Lord. Remember that He says in the last days peoples love shall wax cold and brother will turn against brother.....the churches will fall away in apostasy and be of false doctrine.....I see so much of this happening in todays world. I am not at all perfect and none of us are we can do our best to walk with the Lord and draw closer to Him and He will draw closer to us. May the Lord b;ess you with His love and comfort always......a brother....


  16. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    Other people owe it to God to forgive you, but they don't owe it to you. Rather, you owe them for whatever. Since you attempted to apologize and it fell flat, the best you can do is just drop it, move on to another church, and live a better life than you used to.