How to deal with lust?

[BlueKnight]

How do the couples here deal with lust?

It gets mighty tempting to want to go further than you should with the person you are intending to spend the rest of your life with. How can you keep your mind from thinking about the things you shouldn't yet?

 

[kunai_wolf]

umm... is it something she does unknowingly that tempts You, or is it just a general temptation? could You specify what it is that tempts You to lust? i'd really love to help, cuz my girlfriend has grabbed my arm when she's cold, and clutched me to her, and so i automatically move my hand away from her, since it would otherwise be on her... _-coughs-_ chest. if it's something like that, just tell her about it. i did.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

How do the couples here deal with lust?

It gets mighty tempting to want to go further than you should with the person you are intending to spend the rest of your life with. How can you keep your mind from thinking about the things you shouldn't yet?

You're right, it is very tempting. What I have discovered is the fact that what is tempting to one couple may not be tempting for another. In other words, one couple may find themselves start to lose control while laying on the couch together watching a movie... another may find it hard to control lustful thoughts even after one simple peck on the lips. It all varies.

The rule of thumb here, is that the Bible commands us to avoid any *hint* of sexual immorality: Eph. 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. NIV

So, I think the best approach to this would be to examine yourself and what causes you to begin thinking things you ought not to, and then doing what you can to eliminate those situations. Whether that be to make a decision to not kiss until marriage, to only date girls who dress modestly, or to avoid being alone at all costs. The point here is holiness and what does God expect of us.

The thing is, I'm a College student and I don't plan on marrying until I get out of here. Also, I'm planning on attending seminary as well which adds at least another 3 years to my total College attendance. The young lady I'm with now is the one I plan to marry someday, and yes, it does get really hard sometimes. However, the best way to avoid those thoughts is to keep yourself in God's Word. I have strayed away from it for a while at some point which brought me to realize how hard it was to control my thought life.

When you keep yourself in the Word daily, hiding the Words in your heart, especially the Words God gives us about purity and sexual MOR-ality. When situations arise that get your gears turnin', reflect on those passages and run from the temptation.

Personally, I think both the guy and the girl should refrain from dating/courting until they are mature enough to be able to sit down and discuss boundaries in the relationship.

Finally, keep God number one at all times. No matter what. Remember the fact that God knows all, so act like you would if you could see Him watching over you.

Just my $0.02

In Christ,
SoC

 

[IslandBreeze]

If it's that big of a deal to you, and you know you're with 'the one,' get married.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

Cammie, I deal with some of these same issues, I am engaged, but that dosen't stop some of the thoughts.

BlueKnight, some of the things that my fiancee and I have done in the past to over come lustful thoughts is to separate ourselves from the other for a little while. It may be as simple as I go upstairs and sit with his parents or brother for a while, or I may ask him to take me home, if I didn't drive that night. We have both decided on these movements to be the best. I know that this may not work in your situation, but it is worth a try, or even as an example.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Is it your thought life that you cannot control, or is it that you cannot control yourself physically when you are with her? Maybe both?

I find both to be very difficult. The thought life takes discipline. The time with her takes discipline. Self control is a spiritual gift, seek God for his help. You also need to do your part. Set up wise boundaries for yourself.

 

[GodBoy809]

Well, talking about it with her will help, prayer will help a lot too. Also, maybe a small amount of time without seeing each other could help as well, me and kristi have to do that sometimes. Also, if you often find yourself lusting in your thoughts while around her, just stop whatever it is you're doing, and take sometime to think about other stuff.

 

[BlueKnight]

Is it your thought life that you cannot control, or is it that you cannot control yourself physically when you are with her? Maybe both?

I find both to be very difficult. The thought life takes discipline. The time with her takes discipline. Self control is a spiritual gift, seek God for his help. You also need to do your part. Set up wise boundaries for yourself.

Well, in a way it's both. I can control them, but it is very difficult. Physically, we both have a VERY hard time saying no to eachother. And in thoughts, we've discussed how they are going further than they should. Prayer is one thing that definately helps, as does boundaries (which get crossed, but need to stop getting crossed) I was just wondering the other methods the couples here used to battle it.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Well, in a way it's both. I can control them, but it is very difficult. Physically, we both have a VERY hard time saying no to eachother. And in thoughts, we've discussed how they are going further than they should. Prayer is one thing that definately helps, as does boundaries (which get crossed, but need to stop getting crossed) I was just wondering the other methods the couples here used to battle it.

avoid alone time. Do things in public, or hang with other people.

 

[Inperfected]

Some pretty good stuff in here...

I'm having fun, and reviving the dead!

 

[Maeyken]

Some pretty good stuff in here...

I'm having fun, and reviving the dead!

I was wondering where all these ancient threads were coming from!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

So, I'll add something to this ancient thread. Don't do what happened with my new boyfriend. Don't spend too much time alone where all those feelings that have been pent up for seven years can come out. Set up clear boundaries at the beginning of the relationship and make sure you both agree.

He saw no reason to set boundaries and I didn't think it was going to be an issue so soon. We did not have intercourse, but all that other stuff in between is real fuzzy.

 

[beautifully_chaotic]

if ever i get into that frame of mind i make myself think about the conquences for the actions that im thinking about! it usually helps me, although it can be tough at times to say no, then i pray, i pray untill im thinking about something else,

 

[starprincess]

The only sure way to avoid falling into the trap is to avoid spending any time alone

 

[kopilo]

So, I'll add something to this ancient thread. Don't do what happened with my new boyfriend. Don't spend too much time alone where all those feelings that have been pent up for seven years can come out. Set up clear boundaries at the beginning of the relationship and make sure you both agree.

He saw no reason to set boundaries and I didn't think it was going to be an issue so soon. We did not have intercourse, but all that other stuff in between is real fuzzy.

Agreed, although I personally don't mind the close time, because I feel we have reached a stage where the only person we can possible think about in a subjective manner is eachother.. I mean sometimes my thoughts do go over the edge and I ask for forgiveness but generally that has to do with when we have been apart for a while.

How to put it simply, if you were to ask me if someone looked "hot" or not, unless it was my gf, I honestly couldn't answer you.

 

[AceHero]

umm... is it something she does unknowingly that tempts You, or is it just a general temptation? could You specify what it is that tempts You to lust? i'd really love to help, cuz my girlfriend has grabbed my arm when she's cold, and clutched me to her, and so i automatically move my hand away from her, since it would otherwise be on her... _-coughs-_ chest. if it's something like that, just tell her about it. i did.

I think a lot of girls don't realize that guys can be extra 'touchy' when it comes to touching or being touched. When a girl hugs a guy, to her, it's just a hug, but to the guy he's inadverantly touching 'forbidden territory.'

 

[Leanna]

Inperfected, that was cruel. I was soooo confused for a minute. Pegasus was saying "I am engaged" and I knew her to be married and with a baby and I was like.... HUH.... who is this imposter??? But this was like 3 years ago!