How to afford a quiverfull family (or any at all)

[Pancake5630]

I am engaged to be wed on 07/13/2014. My fiance and I would like to have a large family and have great respect for quiverfull families, but we do not think we can afford even one child. I believe that children are blessings and I have always had a natural gift for working with kids. I currently nanny for two school aged children while attending college full time. It brings in maybe $50 a week, but I do it more because I enjoy the children. I will recieve my Associate in Arts this semester and plan on transfering to WCU next fall to persue a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education. My fiance works as a cook and is only able to bring home $100 a week because his job has a policy where you cannot work 30hrs or more. He has been trying to find a new job for many months, but where we live the only jobs available are part-time minimum wage jobs or require a degree. He was attending school with me for awhile, but he had to quit so that he could take on more hours. His job does not allow him to work a second job. You have to have 100% open availability. Many places around here have similar policies which is why I am having trouble finding other work as well. I also have very little work experience. I recently had a manager tell me that they only hire people currently on welfare because welfare pays a portion of their wages when they are hired. My fiance and I are both feeling very hopeless about being able to support ourselves so the idea of bringing a child into this world... I can't figure out how other people who are not born into wealth or living on government assistance are able to do it. I have considered putting off the wedding again, but we have been living together for two years already (I had did not have another place to live. My mom kicked me out at 18 because she stopped getting a Social Security check for me.) and we would really like to be legally married. I always thought that in my twenties I would be able to start a family, but it seems impossible. I pray for God to guide me in the right direction, but I am having trouble keeping faith. I really need some guidance. Whenever I try to talk to anyone here about my concerns they tell me that I am stupid for even considering having children. I also cannot talk to people about current financial struggles. I've been told that we are both able bodied people and should not have any trouble finding full-time work and yet we do. The older generation here does not understand because they lived in a better time and did not have these struggles starting out while others in my generation are as clueless as I am. I thought that maybe someone on here could give me some advice. I am wondering how quiverfull families on here have been able to afford having children in todays age? I understand keeping things simple such as used clothing and toys, sharing bedrooms, and that sort of thing. I am not one to buy frivolous things such as Starbucks or cable. However, I am having trouble finding a way to pay for rent, food, and gas. I cannot drive myself because insurance for me would be over $100 a month so only my fiance drives. We can't seem to find a way to expand our income or cut down our expenses any more than we have. I am attending school, but this will take years and there is no promise that I will find a job afterwards. I do not want to run our family into debt by taking out loans, however that may be the only way to finish school. I have to decide whether it is better to keep applying to minimum wage jobs and pray for acceptance and full time or to take out loans, finish school, but then owe my entire paycheck for about 10 years. Assuming I am able to get a job. A friend of mine recently graduated with a teaching degree. She has been searching for almost a year for a job in her field, but all of the schools require 2 years experience. Even though I feel like teaching is my calling I have considered changing fields if there is something more practicle. I have a very bad problem with math, however, that limits me. If someone could provide guidance I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

 

[akmom]

My fiance works as a cook and is only able to bring home $100 a week because his job has a policy where you cannot work 30hrs or more. He has been trying to find a new job for many months, but where we live the only jobs available are part-time minimum wage jobs or require a degree. He was attending school with me for awhile, but he had to quit so that he could take on more hours. His job does not allow him to work a second job. You have to have 100% open availability.

This is absurd, and we went through the same garbage in our early twenties. How does a company get off with requiring you to be available full-time but only paying you for 30 hours a week? I really hope the labor laws catch up with this. It forces people to choose between certain poverty and total unemployment. You just can't get ahead like that. If it's not a 24-hour facility, you may be able to get a night job, like stocking, somewhere else. Of course that can make it really hard if you end up with a lot of hours back-to-back.

I've been told that we are both able bodied people and should not have any trouble finding full-time work and yet we do.

The people you are talking to are too old. It's a different world, and many in the older generation are too set in their ways to comprehend this, let alone know what's available. Your academic advisor is a good place to start. They can connect you with work-study programs or paid internships while you are a student. A good advisor can probably find opportunities for you to earn credit while working a relevant job, to cut down on your time in school. Some are better than others, so if you find your consultation to be less than helpful, schedule with someone else. I had a great advisor that hooked me up with three jobs over the course of my undergraduate studies, and helped me streamline my course selection to finish in 3 1/2 years. (I ended up taking 4 years because I pursued a tangent as well.)

The other thing is, you are not being fairly compensated as a nanny. Yes, you love the children and value the experience, but that is not something you can afford to do at your income level. And no one should expect you to at any income level, unless you're a relative or something. Assuming you watch them for an hour every day on weekdays, that's $10/hour for two kids. Depending on your location, that might be the going rate. But if you're watching them for more than an hour, then you aren't getting a fair wage and should find another job. No one works for less than $5 an hour, anywhere.

Technical school can be a good option for your fiancé. I've known a lot of people my age (late twenties) who got their start that way, and have decent incomes now. It's cheaper than college, only takes two years, and is usually worth the investment if you have to take out a loan. Education, while not high-paying, has pretty good prospects in my area. It doesn't take long to get a job, especially if you substitute teach first, which always has openings. But that is my area. Every location is different. So you really need local advice.

 

[Pancake5630]

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'm being paid $10/hr which is a very good rate here. Many parents do not want to pay minimum wage even for childcare because they are only making minimum wage at their jobs.I was lucky enough to find a family that has the money to spend. I use care.com to find jobs because I don't personally know anyone with that kind of money. I typically only watch them for 3 or 4 hours though. During the winter break I was working for multiple families, but I have had trouble finding work outside of when I am at school. I watch those two children on Saturdays only. I also cannot drive myself or the children and many parents want pickups/dropoffs from school.
The night job might be an option for my fiance. He is applying to anything and everything at the moment. His job closes at midnight at opens at 7am so maybe there is something in that range and we will look. That's a good solution if we can find something. He wants to go back to school, but we have to get more financially stable first or I have to quit. He was part-time last semester, but it didn't give him full availability so this job wouldn't hire him while he was in school. He was lucky that his sister was able to put in a good word for him there. It's just ridiculously hard to find a job. We've tried Joblink and Addecco with no results.
I wanted to substitute teach once I had enough college credits, but it doesn't seem like a good idea in this county. They only promise you to be offered 2 days a month here and you're hourly for the days you work. It seems like there's an access of retired teachers and such here which may be why. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm shooting ideas down because I'm really not trying to. I appreciate any advice I receive.

 

[ex-pat]

If I may offer a few suggestions? You've probably tried most or all of them, but if not they may work. Do you have the option of taking classes in the evenings or on weekends to work full-time days? If so, you may wish to check large employers in your area directly..many do not put postings on job sites: banks, for one, are ALWAYS looking for tellers (and they have computers to do the math...you just have to know how to count.) Also, many banks and large retail chains offer tuition assistance to their employees. Which brings us to the issue of financial aid. This can include grants which do not have to be paid back, not just loans. Your income is certainly low enough to qualify!! Now is the time to fill the forms out for the upcoming year. What is your home space like? Are you able to run a daycare from 7-5 pm in your home, then go to school from 6-10? You'd be tired, sure, but four children (I think that's the max, check with your state) at $8/hour is $32/hour. if this does not work for you now, you can CERTAINLY consider it when you have more space...it would allow you to be home with however many children you have (see licensing laws for your state re; home based day cares) If you do not have room, consider asking your church if they would let you rent some of their space to run a daycare. r if you have a large manufacturing business approach the head with a solid business plan about using some empty space to provide daycare for his employees...he hires you as an employee, providing benefits, and facilities, and he wins on cutting down absenteeism. (Read, copy and include with your proposal news and magazine articles about the big companies that have tried this, and how positive an effect it has on corporate culture. Think outside the box! And does your fiance enjoy cooking, or do this to pay the bills? If he enjoys it, he should also apply for financial aid to go to culinary school. If not, I agree about trade schools. If he's mechanical, the people who repair large industrial equipment are in HUGE demand, and it's usually only a two year degree required. (Here, they easily make over $100K/ year). Remember also that with babies come many, many blessings. You want to be quiverfull, there will ALWAYS be ways to manage what your children need. There was an interesting article in the Telegraph about a mom who decided to live a whole year without buying her child ANYTHING child related. She started by feeding him people food (he was 2-3 at the time) instead of kid's meals, so her food costs went way down, and bought nothing clothes-wise for him...instead she arranged a clothes swap with other moms for new and gently used clothes...many still had tags on, she said, as kids grow so fast. This also meant she found lots of new friends locally, which helped with arranging play dates and things at local parks. Your local library would have free space to organize things community related like toy and clothes swaps. Many local libraries also have things like museum passes for borrowers, for outings and things. In fact, do consider trying to get a job as a page in a library...especially the children's room, given your interests. (check the municipality's website) Often libraries only need about 10-15 hours per week for pages, and would be willing to work around your class time. There are so many ways to earn money with talents you may have...a friend's craft-mad 11 year old is making beads and jewelry and selling them to a local boutique that in turn sells to their customers. Play to your strengths, and think way outside the box for what you can do! Pray about it, and see where you end up...remember, God sends children for a reason. He will see that you have a way to take care of them, if you try to do so. (Some people can even make a good bit of money each week by selling yard sale finds on e-bay). You might also consider applying to create lessons for children at the online Khan Academy. (They are looking for some, now)

 

[Sabertooth]

(Your posts were a bit hard to take in. It would be helpful if you broke them into paragraphs...)

This might help put things into perspective:

When God calls a couple to be QF, there is not only a sense of the contentious nature of most contraception. There is also sense that He intends to take care of those who would entrust their fertility to Him; that is, an accompanying increase of faith.

The experience is not unlike when Jesus called Peter to walk on the water with Him. And, sometimes, it's just as scary. Without Jesus' call, Peter couldn't have devised a method to successfully walk on water, on his own.

If and when God calls you to be QF, you will have both that conviction and that certainty.* Until then, you will never be able to wrap your mind around it.

BTW, being QF doesn't automatically mean that you will have many, many children.

*edit: Restated, if you ever feel God's conviction that you SHOULD do this, you will also feel the conviction that you CAN do this.

 

[Pancake5630]

I just wanted to update you all and thank you for the support earlier this year. Things did work out for us. We were married in July like we planned. My husband's job now pays him a dollar more and keeps him full time hours. He's due for another raise in the coming weeks as well because he just hit his one year mark. I was able to find a serving job that was working me 43-46 hrs during the summer, but I just cut back to 30 hrs because I'm 7 weeks pregnant with our first! We moved into an apartment closer to work that has a second bedroom we can prepare for the baby. I had a bad scare with some spotting yesterday, but everything turned out to be fine. We got to see the heartbeat! I'm just so thankful for what God has given me. I hope that if others see this that they will know not to lose faith because He will provide for you if you let him.