- Dec 9, 2003
- 533
- 38
- 44
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Republican
I'm sorry, this is sort of long. If you want to skip to the part where I get saved, it is clearly marked.
I grew up in a "Catholic" family. I use the quotes because my mother told me we were Catholic, but pretty much left it at that. I'd be willing to bet that I've been to more weddings & funerals in Catholic churches than actual mass services. My grandparents (on both sides) are somewhat devout, but they don't like to talk about religion much.
By the time I was a teenager, I had decided that I was Agnostic. I figured there may or may not be a god, that he may or may not be the Christian God, and that his existence did much matter in my day to day life. I was a very sensitive and emotional person (as a child, if I found something that someone had lost I might cry for the person who lost it), and I fell very much into the ideas of situational ethics and moral relativism. I felt so sorry for any person who might have to make a difficult decision that I couldn't bear to presume to know what might be right for them.
For myself I chose a code of "ethics" that only outlawed activites which physically hurt myself or others. So drugs were bad, but random sex ("safe" sex) with anyone I happened to meet was fine.
When I was 17 I took a vacation to France with my best friend (no adult supervision for most of 5 weeks), and lost my virginity to a guy I danced with in a club. He didn't even really speak English. I had a boyfriend at home in the States, but I had no intention of giving up my "romantic vacation" for some guy I wasn't planning to marry or anything.
Suffice to say, the guy in the club was not my only partner on that trip. And it didn't stop when I came home. I one point I nearly slept with a friend of a friend who I didn't even like just because the guy I really wanted to sleep with wasn't around.
I ended up getting involved with an older guy (I hesistate to say man, because he wasn't all that mature). We dated most of my senior year, and got engaged the month I left for college. This did not stop me from sleeping around.
I tried to be faithful, but it was like some kind of addiction. Not that this negates my responsibility. I even removed my ring once while visiting a friend, and asked her specifically to not tell anyone that I was engaged. When my fiance finally found out about all of this, he was understandably upset.
To be truthful, we'd never had that great of a relationship. But when I confessed my affairs, he said he'd forgive me. He said we could work it out. And then, I met this guy.
We were just friends, I swear. I was extremely attracted to Mark, but I didn't want to be unfaithful again. I wanted to work things out with my fiance. But my fiance became incredibly jealous, and very controlling. Once, during an argument where I said I was leaving, he ran to the bathroom and pretended to cut his wrists open. He knew that I had a phobia about this, so he used my shaving razor to cut his hand and then shoved the bloody thing under the door for me to see. I was hysterical.
Then, after our housemate broke into the bathroom while his wife drove me to a friend's, my fiance went out and emptied our bank accounts. He wanted to make sure I couldn't leave.
(I want to interject that my ex is now a different person. He's married and having a baby, and I have totally forgiven him. He says that he has forgiven me, and I believe it. I only include this in my testimony to show what a hell a relationship based outside of Christ can be like.)
I'm ashamed of it, but I did end up sleeping with Mark. After a month of sleeping together behind my fiance's back, I moved out in the middle of the night and Mark found me a temporary place to live. He, of course, stayed with me. He helped me find an apartment, and I insisted that he spend the night -- for 10 months.
My life improved dramatically at this point, but it certainly was not perfect. Mark and I lived together in sin, and we paid for it. We fought so much that first year, and sometimes it got really bad. He had two children from his first marriage, and when they would visit I would become overwhelmed. Two little toddlers running around my tiny apartment -- it was just too much to bear!
I also still had problems with my ex. He and his best friend harrassed us, and we harrassed them back. It wasn't fun.
--- MICHELLE GETS SAVED ---
Then, I got pregnant! 20, unmarried, and pregnant with the child of a man who I wouldn't even admit that I lived with. (Yes, I kept telling him that whole time that he didn't live there, he was just spending the night.)
Now, this whole time Mark was a Christian, but he'd strayed from God. He was mad about the breakup of his first marriage, and had some other problems. When he found out that I was pregnant, he seemed to change. He talked more about God and how we'd be a family.
We got married, moved to a larger apartment, his kids moved in, and I quit my job about a month before my due date to become a stay-at-home mom. It was so stressful, and I found myself getting angry and screaming at the kids. After all, I'd been thrown into a life that most people had years to adjust to. I cried myself to sleep a lot, worrying that I was hurting the kids with my anger.
Mark started buying me these Christian parenting books, and he bought one called She's Gonna Blow! It was a book for Christian moms dealing with anger. As I read it, I began to see that if I wanted to learn how to adjust to my new life and deal with the stress, I had to lean on God. With Mark's encouragement, I began to place trust in Him, little by little. Finally I realized -- I was a Christian.
Last month my husband baptized me in the church where we got married. I truly believe that God used my sins to lead me to the man who I was meant to be with, and to provide me with the reasons I needed (my children) to finally turn to Him. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and I certainly love Him.
Thank God that he turned me from my sinful life and provided me with my beautiful family! At this point, I can't imagine any life that could make me so happy.
I grew up in a "Catholic" family. I use the quotes because my mother told me we were Catholic, but pretty much left it at that. I'd be willing to bet that I've been to more weddings & funerals in Catholic churches than actual mass services. My grandparents (on both sides) are somewhat devout, but they don't like to talk about religion much.
By the time I was a teenager, I had decided that I was Agnostic. I figured there may or may not be a god, that he may or may not be the Christian God, and that his existence did much matter in my day to day life. I was a very sensitive and emotional person (as a child, if I found something that someone had lost I might cry for the person who lost it), and I fell very much into the ideas of situational ethics and moral relativism. I felt so sorry for any person who might have to make a difficult decision that I couldn't bear to presume to know what might be right for them.
For myself I chose a code of "ethics" that only outlawed activites which physically hurt myself or others. So drugs were bad, but random sex ("safe" sex) with anyone I happened to meet was fine.
When I was 17 I took a vacation to France with my best friend (no adult supervision for most of 5 weeks), and lost my virginity to a guy I danced with in a club. He didn't even really speak English. I had a boyfriend at home in the States, but I had no intention of giving up my "romantic vacation" for some guy I wasn't planning to marry or anything.
Suffice to say, the guy in the club was not my only partner on that trip. And it didn't stop when I came home. I one point I nearly slept with a friend of a friend who I didn't even like just because the guy I really wanted to sleep with wasn't around.
I ended up getting involved with an older guy (I hesistate to say man, because he wasn't all that mature). We dated most of my senior year, and got engaged the month I left for college. This did not stop me from sleeping around.
I tried to be faithful, but it was like some kind of addiction. Not that this negates my responsibility. I even removed my ring once while visiting a friend, and asked her specifically to not tell anyone that I was engaged. When my fiance finally found out about all of this, he was understandably upset.
To be truthful, we'd never had that great of a relationship. But when I confessed my affairs, he said he'd forgive me. He said we could work it out. And then, I met this guy.
We were just friends, I swear. I was extremely attracted to Mark, but I didn't want to be unfaithful again. I wanted to work things out with my fiance. But my fiance became incredibly jealous, and very controlling. Once, during an argument where I said I was leaving, he ran to the bathroom and pretended to cut his wrists open. He knew that I had a phobia about this, so he used my shaving razor to cut his hand and then shoved the bloody thing under the door for me to see. I was hysterical.
Then, after our housemate broke into the bathroom while his wife drove me to a friend's, my fiance went out and emptied our bank accounts. He wanted to make sure I couldn't leave.
(I want to interject that my ex is now a different person. He's married and having a baby, and I have totally forgiven him. He says that he has forgiven me, and I believe it. I only include this in my testimony to show what a hell a relationship based outside of Christ can be like.)
I'm ashamed of it, but I did end up sleeping with Mark. After a month of sleeping together behind my fiance's back, I moved out in the middle of the night and Mark found me a temporary place to live. He, of course, stayed with me. He helped me find an apartment, and I insisted that he spend the night -- for 10 months.
My life improved dramatically at this point, but it certainly was not perfect. Mark and I lived together in sin, and we paid for it. We fought so much that first year, and sometimes it got really bad. He had two children from his first marriage, and when they would visit I would become overwhelmed. Two little toddlers running around my tiny apartment -- it was just too much to bear!
I also still had problems with my ex. He and his best friend harrassed us, and we harrassed them back. It wasn't fun.
--- MICHELLE GETS SAVED ---
Then, I got pregnant! 20, unmarried, and pregnant with the child of a man who I wouldn't even admit that I lived with. (Yes, I kept telling him that whole time that he didn't live there, he was just spending the night.)
Now, this whole time Mark was a Christian, but he'd strayed from God. He was mad about the breakup of his first marriage, and had some other problems. When he found out that I was pregnant, he seemed to change. He talked more about God and how we'd be a family.
We got married, moved to a larger apartment, his kids moved in, and I quit my job about a month before my due date to become a stay-at-home mom. It was so stressful, and I found myself getting angry and screaming at the kids. After all, I'd been thrown into a life that most people had years to adjust to. I cried myself to sleep a lot, worrying that I was hurting the kids with my anger.
Mark started buying me these Christian parenting books, and he bought one called She's Gonna Blow! It was a book for Christian moms dealing with anger. As I read it, I began to see that if I wanted to learn how to adjust to my new life and deal with the stress, I had to lean on God. With Mark's encouragement, I began to place trust in Him, little by little. Finally I realized -- I was a Christian.
Last month my husband baptized me in the church where we got married. I truly believe that God used my sins to lead me to the man who I was meant to be with, and to provide me with the reasons I needed (my children) to finally turn to Him. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and I certainly love Him.
Thank God that he turned me from my sinful life and provided me with my beautiful family! At this point, I can't imagine any life that could make me so happy.
