How often do you relax?

[Jenster]

I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate to this...

I work pretty hard, both at my job and for church. And I grew up trained to think of others first, etc.

But I'm feeling kind of like a shallow person as a result of this. You know - "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Like, I don't have very developed opinions. And I always think how much I'd love to sit around one afternoon and read, but I don't do it very often. I don't really embrace life.

I think the problem is that I feel guilty about relaxing. I'm driven by obligations rather than my own goals (hopefully God-given goals!).

So I wanted to do a reality check and ask: How often do other people relax or do things to develop yourself? Is there any Biblical guidance on this? (Aside from taking the Sabbath, I mean.) What's the proper balance?

Thanks.

 

[CountryLady]

I relax every chance I get. It's nice and refreshing to sit back and put your feet up for a while.

 

[Stanfi]

I can relate to what you are saying. I used to be just like you.

However, what I have learned is that we must have balance in our lives. Yes, we need to work, but we also need times of R and R. Life is much more enjoybable if we are able to takes times "To sit back and smell the roses".

I used to think that life was about how much work we can get done, but it's not. It's about the quality relationships we build, those we help, and the good times we have. That is what we think of when we look back on our life, not all the work we did.

In fact, I used to think that a quality women would like in a man is his ablity to be functional around the house. To fix things, and take care of things, you know work. However, what I have learned is most don't really care. They want someone who is loving and caring, and able to reach them on a deeper level. Most don't care if a man can change the oil in his car.

Hope I make sense.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Relaxation is very important for the mind, body, and soul. I think you may be worried about becoming slothful, but its not.

Treat your scheduled "relax time" just as important as you would any other appointment. For example, Friday night is my night to veg - be a bum. I relax...sometimes I sit and catch up on my leisure reading, sometimes I get a pedicure. I do things to help me relax and just take a breather from the hustle and bustle of life.

HTH!

 

[Jenster]

Thanks, I'm glad there are some people here who can relax!

BeautyForAshes, you're right, I do have a worry. Partly it's that I might become slothful, as you say, but another part is that I'm afraid something bad's going to happen when I'm not "watchful." Like, if I relax and something bad happens, then I won't be able to cope or something. Or I'll feel guilty because I "should" have prevented something from happening.

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" (Townsend and Cloud) right now, so maybe this is bringing up the topic! It talks about how we need boundaries so that we learn to keep the bad things out and let the good things in.

 

[LanaK6]

I think allowing time to relax is very important even if it's just for a few minutes a day. I always make time for myself everyday. A lot of times I just sit and read a book or watch a movie or something. If I don't get this "me time" I tend to get very stressed out and I'm just not myself. Don't feel guilty for allowing yourself some "me time." It's well worth it! And you will live longer too.

 

[Stanfi]

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" (Townsend and Cloud) right now, so maybe this is bringing up the topic! It talks about how we need boundaries so that we learn to keep the bad things out and let the good things in.

BTW, that will be a good book. I haven't read that one, but have read other Townsend Cloud books. they rock, and that's exatly what you need. Soak it in, trust me on that.

 

[Jenster]

I'm soaking, mrstace! I'm on the second chapter, and already I can see the many mistakes I've made in not having firm boundaries with other people. Much of the hurt I've experienced in life has had to do with lack of good boundaries.

The whole concept is so amazing. It's a much healthier way to live! The most important lesson for me so far is that we should have minimum standards for others' behavior towards us. I know that I've sometimes let people walk all over me.

BTW, I wanted to say that I was inspired by everyone, so I went to a movie tonight! And I *don't* feel guilty!

 

[LanaK6]

BTW, I wanted to say that I was inspired by everyone, so I went to a movie tonight! And I *don't* feel guilty!

You go girl!

 

[Tumbleweed64]

I love to soak in a nice warm bubble bath with scented candles burning and soft jazz playing~when the weather permits, a nice walk is also relaxing for me

 

[Mark2010]

Jenster,

The book "Boundaries" is a great book. Sounds like you are recognizing nad dealing with symptoms of co-dependency and that is great. You have to sort of reprogram your thinking patterns and it takes time and practice. Not everyone will ike you (especially people who are in the habit of taking advantage of you), but, most importantly, YOU will like you!!

I'm also a very high-strung, driven person and have had to learn how and when to just "chill out".

Blessings

 

[Jenster]

Thanks, Mark2010. As I think back over my life, I'm amazed at how boundaries would have helped in so many different situations.

You're right about the people taking advantage of me. I used to get really mad over that, but the LORD, through the Boundaries book, has helped me to see that some behavior is not to be tolerated -- or paid much attention to.

I appreciate the encouragement!

 

[Mark2010]

Jen,

Praying for you, sister. It really takes practice saying "no", and you almost to become downright selfish for a while in order for the pendulum to swing back the other direction. The sad truth is that people will take advantage of you as much as YOU allow them to.

Blessings,
Mark

 

[CountryLady]

I relax and put my feet up as often as I can.

 

[woman.at.the.well]

I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate to this...

I work pretty hard, both at my job and for church. And I grew up trained to think of others first, etc.

But I'm feeling kind of like a shallow person as a result of this. You know - "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Like, I don't have very developed opinions. And I always think how much I'd love to sit around one afternoon and read, but I don't do it very often. I don't really embrace life.

I think the problem is that I feel guilty about relaxing. I'm driven by obligations rather than my own goals (hopefully God-given goals!).

So I wanted to do a reality check and ask: How often do other people relax or do things to develop yourself? Is there any Biblical guidance on this? (Aside from taking the Sabbath, I mean.) What's the proper balance?

Thanks.

by all means find some down time for yourself. It is a must in our walk as a Christian and anyone that tells you differently is probably very stressed out and has wayyyyyyyyyy too much stuff on their platter.

Not only are Sabbaths a requirement from the Lord, He can't talk to you (in most cases) unless you can "hear" Him -- in other words when it is quiet.

I read a really awesome book called, "Ordering Your Private World," by Gordon MacDonald that I highly recommend for anyone struggling with this very same subject.

Hope that helps!

I have my down time every single morning before I start my day -- I get up very early in the morning and read God's word, then journal the thoughts that come to mind thereafter. It's my way of communicating with God. It's always nice and quiet at my place early in the morning.

Then, like here recently I took an extra day off and just vegged. It was awesome! I took a bubble bath and just laid around and watched movies etc. Our minds and bodies need a break for sure! Don't feel guilty about it! It's wonderful.

 

[woman.at.the.well]

Jen,

Praying for you, sister. It really takes practice saying "no", and you almost to become downright selfish for a while in order for the pendulum to swing back the other direction. The sad truth is that people will take advantage of you as much as YOU allow them to.

Blessings,
Mark

brother Mark. That book I recommended a little while ago talks about this at lengths. I find it interesting that even Christian people have trouble with those who have boundaries and no when to say "when." They almost act like there is something wrong with people who say no.

But my quiet time with the Lord, AND my sabbath time (down time) are sacred to me and I don't really care what people think.

Practice makes perfect (like Mark says) sister Jen!

 

[Craft]

You have to take time for yourself, it allows both mind and body to recover from the daily stress.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I can soooooooooooooo relate! Between 1994-1998 I was working full time and going to college 3/4 to full time. I graduated in May '98 but by late October '98 I was having a nervous breakdown. The only 'break' I'd taken that year was for finals week...I took off work to concentrate on finals. I was stressed because I couldn't figure out what direction my life was supposed to be taking.

Once I recovered from that I changed jobs 3 months later and then found myself in financial troubles because I took a pay cut to 'get my foot in the door' at the job related to my degree. Well, that led to me getting a 2nd job. More stress.

When I started my current 'day job' 2 1/2 years ago, I vowed to never get myself into a position where I 'required' two jobs to make ends meet. However, my 'old' job called for some extra part time help and I couldn't say no. Last year I bought a house...property taxes went through the roof and now I'm in a position AGAIN where I feel the NEED to work a second job to keep fed. (I'm actually at work as I type this).

When I try to 'relax' I find my mind racing on all of the things I SHOULD be doing....cleaning this or that, reading my Bible, intercessory prayer, etc... I can't 'relax.' I feel like I'm not doing God's work because I am too focused on world 'work.' aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!

If I had a dime for the number of times in the last 3 months that I've said "I need a vacation!" I'd have enough money to take a really nice one! lol

 

[MadFingerPainter]

Relax? What's that? I think the closest I get to ever being relaxed is on jammie day which doesn't happen all that often anymore.

 

[purples]

I don't relax very easily. I can't put my guard down because I don't trust many people. I feel guilty when I relax or try to relax sometimes too.