We have four children, and try to raise them to the best of our ability in a christian home. We are very choosy about who we let them hang around with. I am mainly talking about my 11 and 8 year old. We have decided to homeschool this year for the first time because of all the things that are in public schools, and we limit where they are allowed to go. Some people disagree with us and say that we are being too strict, but this is coming from people who let their children go and do anything they want. Then we have some that agree with us because they say that in these days, you can't be too safe. Where do I draw the line? I don't want to smother them to death because we are so protective, but I also want them to have healthy and safe guidelines to follow. Help!
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How much is too strict?
- Thread starter Athena7777
- Start date
That is such a good question and I was think of the same thing just today. I also home school and we only let our kids watch a few programs. I love that my son (age 6) is smart but he still watches Barney with his little sister. But how much sheltering is too much? Looking forward to hearing from other Moms. 
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
I think there is some need to let them go out and experience things. They no doubt will make mistakes but people learn from mistakes. I wasn't too sheltered as a child but my mum was quiet protective and I think that lead me to rebel a bit in later years. I think you just need to find balance, so that you protect them from things and situations that may cause them to make a major mistake.
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Can you give us examples of some of the things you do that others say are too strict? Without having some idea of what you are talking about, it's hard to be really helpful!
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He is six:
He is homeschooled.
He can only watch Barney or Magic School Bus.
He is only allowed to play educational computer games ..(not Nintendo etc)
He can't go play at a friend's house unless I have been there before
We don't let him play with toy guns.
He is a really bright, fun kid to be around. He doesn't complain about strictness...for him it is normal but I wonder if I should worry less and let him out in the world more?
He is homeschooled.
He can only watch Barney or Magic School Bus.
He is only allowed to play educational computer games ..(not Nintendo etc)
He can't go play at a friend's house unless I have been there before
We don't let him play with toy guns.
He is a really bright, fun kid to be around. He doesn't complain about strictness...for him it is normal but I wonder if I should worry less and let him out in the world more?
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All of those things sound very reasonable for 6! Nothing in there sounds too strict, or even strick to me.
Does he seem to feel that he wants to be swimming in a bigger world just now? Unless he's chomping at the bit to do something, (which I find a little hard to believe for 6) he's probably doing just fine.
I think that many parents want to rush their kids through stages. People leaving crying babies in the church nursery saying "They need to learn how to get along with others!" Yes... but not at 3 months! Kids move best through the various stages of development when they have had sufficent time to master the steps one at a time.
When many people are critical of homeschooling they often ask about socialization. Let's be honest, a greast deal of sociolization at age 6 is learning to wait your turn and how to cope with other 6 year olds who also want it to be their turn.
How you can stand Barney is the big question...
... just kidding!
For the record - my kids are not 22, 20 & 17.
Does he seem to feel that he wants to be swimming in a bigger world just now? Unless he's chomping at the bit to do something, (which I find a little hard to believe for 6) he's probably doing just fine.
I think that many parents want to rush their kids through stages. People leaving crying babies in the church nursery saying "They need to learn how to get along with others!" Yes... but not at 3 months! Kids move best through the various stages of development when they have had sufficent time to master the steps one at a time.
When many people are critical of homeschooling they often ask about socialization. Let's be honest, a greast deal of sociolization at age 6 is learning to wait your turn and how to cope with other 6 year olds who also want it to be their turn.
How you can stand Barney is the big question...
... just kidding!For the record - my kids are not 22, 20 & 17.
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The main thing people say we are too strict about is, we don't let our children outside unless we are out there with them. And, our oldest who is 11, asks us if he can go on bike rides. We allow him to go around one block, and he has to check in with us before he goes again. We are very strict about what they watch on television. Anything with magic in it, they are not allowed to watch. We have caught a lot of flack about that one! Even most Disney movies. The reason for this is, we feel that the world is desensitizing magic. They are trying to make it look like something good and appealing. One night the Lord pointed a scripture out to me when Harry Potter first came out. It is in Galatians 5 talking about walking in the Spirit and not fulfilling the works of the flesh. Included in those works is sorcery. And He told me to get rid of all of the movies that we had containing magic in them. It was very hard because a lot of them I liked myself. I guess what I am trying to say is, non-christians view some things differently than christians. (talking about parenting) I want to know if we are being too strict, or are we doing what we need to do to protect our kids and showing them that we love them?
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P
purplestars
Guest
I was definitely sheltered as a kid, but am not so much now. When "Titanic" came out in whatever year, I wasn't allowed to see it, but I didn't really have a desire to, as my closest friends didn't see it, either. I am now 19 years old, have never seen it, and want to prove to America that you can still be a well-adjusted citizen without seeing the movie.
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forgivenmuch
christ is the answer
i think you are not too strict at all..you are doing what you feel is best for your children. i would love to home school my son.. the things they learn at public school today is not Godly. important advice... we are not in a safe world and you must do what you can to protect your children.. alot of children are raised poorly.. it always falls back on the parents. and how well they have put hours of work into bringing thier children up right. we live in a world of single mothers and dads leaving thier children.. for one parent to raise alone..vice versa.. you need to do what is right ..and dont let anyone tell you different.. you seem to be a very good mom .. and you are only one protecting your children from harm and bad influences.. always protect your children..because no one else will ..not like you can
God bless you.... forgivenmuch
God bless you.... forgivenmuch
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If this is "strict" or not depends a lot on your neighborhood, the traffic, how big the block is, what else is on the block, etc. etc. IMHO, if it's safe enough to allow your son to go arouond the block one time, it's safe enough for him to go around more than once without having to ask permission each and every time. Why not set a time limit for him... you can go and ride for 15 minutes... the time can go up as he proves to be responsible with it.
An 11 year old is eager, and unless he is very immature, ready to begin to have a world of his own - experiences and adventures (however minor) that are his alone. Getting on his bike and exploring his neighborhood (assuming that it is a safe one and he has good sense) is an impoprtant part of that.
I agree about Disney - those folks seem to be obsessed with magic! However, I think that part of raising kids is giving them the skills to discriminate and see things of the world for themselves. So, for example, a movie that you like with magic in it may be appropriate to watch with your 11 year old with some discussion of your feelings about magic and why it is wrong and how, in your view, the movie could have been fine without it. This way your son is not just learning "I won't watch any movies Mom and Dad don't approve of" - a thing to learn that has a very limited shelf life, when you figure he will probably live to be at least 80. He needs to learn how to discriminate and judge movie content for himself and to be able to see what is good in a film and what is bad.
[/QUOTE] (talking about parenting) I want to know if we are being too strict, or are we doing what we need to do to protect our kids and showing them that we love them?[/QUOTE]
Protecting kids is loving them. But helping them step out into the world is also loving them. I have worked at a Christian college for a lot of years. It is heartbreaking to see kids come to campus who have never been permitted to make decisions for themselves by their parents. They have no decision making skills and no ability at discriminating between ideas. They are real good at obedience, but that skill has only limited application in adult life! Many of these kids get into major trouble.
Decision making skills start when they are young - and it means, that in safe situations, you let them make the wrong choices and live with the consequences. That way, when they are 18, they will be far less likely to make really stupid choices that can be very expensive and very damaging to themselves and others. Confidence in one's decision making comes from experience making decisions. You can do the math - you have 7 years left with your oldest... how good is he at making decisions about what he will watch and read and where he will go?
Scripture talks about training up a child. I am a gardner who plants a lot of tomatoes. I stake them up. And my first year, I tied those tomatoes nice and tight to a stake. Of course, I tied them so tight the plants could not grow... I needed to learn to tie them gently to the stakes, to keep them out of the mud, not to make them grow like rigid poles.
How many rules are too strict varies from child to child... but be mindful of Scripture's command "Provoke not your children to wrath..." (and the next part that many parents forget) "...lest you provide a foothold for the Devil." Yeah, most kids think they have too many rules, but unreasonable, aribtray and over protective rules make them angry, and that gives a opening to the Evil One.
An 11 year old is eager, and unless he is very immature, ready to begin to have a world of his own - experiences and adventures (however minor) that are his alone. Getting on his bike and exploring his neighborhood (assuming that it is a safe one and he has good sense) is an impoprtant part of that.
I agree about Disney - those folks seem to be obsessed with magic! However, I think that part of raising kids is giving them the skills to discriminate and see things of the world for themselves. So, for example, a movie that you like with magic in it may be appropriate to watch with your 11 year old with some discussion of your feelings about magic and why it is wrong and how, in your view, the movie could have been fine without it. This way your son is not just learning "I won't watch any movies Mom and Dad don't approve of" - a thing to learn that has a very limited shelf life, when you figure he will probably live to be at least 80. He needs to learn how to discriminate and judge movie content for himself and to be able to see what is good in a film and what is bad.
[/QUOTE] (talking about parenting) I want to know if we are being too strict, or are we doing what we need to do to protect our kids and showing them that we love them?[/QUOTE]
Protecting kids is loving them. But helping them step out into the world is also loving them. I have worked at a Christian college for a lot of years. It is heartbreaking to see kids come to campus who have never been permitted to make decisions for themselves by their parents. They have no decision making skills and no ability at discriminating between ideas. They are real good at obedience, but that skill has only limited application in adult life! Many of these kids get into major trouble.
Decision making skills start when they are young - and it means, that in safe situations, you let them make the wrong choices and live with the consequences. That way, when they are 18, they will be far less likely to make really stupid choices that can be very expensive and very damaging to themselves and others. Confidence in one's decision making comes from experience making decisions. You can do the math - you have 7 years left with your oldest... how good is he at making decisions about what he will watch and read and where he will go?
Scripture talks about training up a child. I am a gardner who plants a lot of tomatoes. I stake them up. And my first year, I tied those tomatoes nice and tight to a stake. Of course, I tied them so tight the plants could not grow... I needed to learn to tie them gently to the stakes, to keep them out of the mud, not to make them grow like rigid poles.
How many rules are too strict varies from child to child... but be mindful of Scripture's command "Provoke not your children to wrath..." (and the next part that many parents forget) "...lest you provide a foothold for the Devil." Yeah, most kids think they have too many rules, but unreasonable, aribtray and over protective rules make them angry, and that gives a opening to the Evil One.
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Thank you all so much, this has really helped me see that some things we are doing may need a little fine tuning. But on the other hand, we are also doing a lot of things right. God bless!
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Good post... so true.bliz said:All of those things sound very reasonable for 6! Nothing in there sounds too strict, or even strick to me.
Does he seem to feel that he wants to be swimming in a bigger world just now? Unless he's chomping at the bit to do something, (which I find a little hard to believe for 6) he's probably doing just fine.
I think that many parents want to rush their kids through stages. People leaving crying babies in the church nursery saying "They need to learn how to get along with others!" Yes... but not at 3 months! Kids move best through the various stages of development when they have had sufficent time to master the steps one at a time.
When many people are critical of homeschooling they often ask about socialization. Let's be honest, a greast deal of sociolization at age 6 is learning to wait your turn and how to cope with other 6 year olds who also want it to be their turn.
How you can stand Barney is the big question...
For the record - my kids are not 22, 20 & 17.
As parents we love our kids but all we can do is our best... and if we do that we can't go too far wrong.
I used to watch my kids all the time when they played out... I'd just sit out on the wall making sure they were safe until they were about 10 or 11 when I just watched from the window! But now they are more free...my 13 year old is on an anti fur trade demo today... some parents wouldn't let their kids go... but I do... it is all down to the child, their age and maturity, the situation you live in and so on.
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I think you just need to find balance, so that you protect them from things and situations that may cause them to make a major mistake.Similar threads
