How much has changed?

[JulySheMustFly]

Another thread on CF has made me wonder.

How much your idea of "good" parenting has changed from when you were not a parent to now that you are a parent?

Where there things you thought were a good idea only to discover that they just didn't work with your child?

How about things you thought you'd never do only to find out that that is what needed to be done?

Feel free to add on those are just a few questions to get started.

 

[Green Orchid]

I didn't think I would co-sleep and I thought it was a little odd. Then we had ds and I couldn't imagine him NOT sleeping with us!

I thought I would let anyone and everyone hold my baby from birth to "socialize" him, but I found out extremely quickly that I am a "mother lion" and I choose carefully who holds him.

I didn't question vaccines and now I do. Still deciding on what to do with that.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

Interesting question. To go a step further though I find that my idea of "good" parenting has even changed from child to child.

Like I thought vaccines were an "absolute must you'd be an idiot not to do them" before I became a parent and even after I had my first child. But with my second we have delayed and been selective in vaccinations.

 

[angelpie545]

It's funny, before I was a parent, I never even thought about vaccinations, or medical care of a child, or anything like that-I was all about having fun with the kid. Then I got pregnant at seventeen years old. Unlike a lot of teens, who focus simply on that fact that they are pregnant teens, I focused on the bigger picture. At first I thought I'd give birth in a hospital, and that I'd have a crib for my baby, as co-sleeping sounded weird and frightening to me. I hadn't prepared much for parenting beyond infancy, and was really more worried about taking care of a newborn than I was about thinking of how it would go when my child got older. I knew I'd breastfeed because my mother did that and I have always been very pro-breastfeeding, but other than that I was a blank slate....so, I started reading. I read up on natural childbirth, delayed/selective vaccination, and attachment parenting. I was lucky enough to live with a family (my mother had me move out) that attachment-parented their children, and their reasoning made a lot of sense to me. While I didn't agree with all of their discipline methods (many seemed far to lax to me) most of the attachment part seemed to be really good advice.

I ended up having a natural water birth, and co-slept for quite some time. After extensive research into vaccinations, I decided that they weren't right for my child at all, although I may decide to selectively vaccinate as they get older. My second child was also a natural water birth, and both were attachment-parented. I think the most important thing as a parent is to understand that you can never really completely ready no matter what age you are, and that parenting is always, always a journey. The difference between my daughters is night and day, and I've had to do a lot of compensating for that in my parenting styles. My older daughter is very high-needs and needs constant approval and attention, where as my younger one is much more adventurous and doesn't really need much company to have a good time.


Now, looking back, I laugh at how idealistic I was when I first became a parent. I'd be like, wow, my kid will never do that! Or, my kid will never talk to me like that! Mmmm...right. I've learned to not take anyone's word for anything, and to always do the research on my own and never let anyone make a decision f or me, I think that's the biggest thing that has changed for me. I think so much for myself now-much more than I ever used to.

 

[AnyaMa]

Great question! I am definetly less judgemental. Its so easy to frown at a kid throwing a tantrum... until you have experienced one yourself =)

 

[Leanna]

I don't know if I am lucky or strange but for the most part I didn't have any preconceived notions, maybe because none of my friends were parents before me.... I didn't hear the terms like "AP" until maybe the month before my son was born and I didn't really know much about any of that until 9+ months after his birth when we finally got the internet at home

I do think that I imagined it easier to haul 2-3 kids out to stores, I never calculated the energy it would take just to get them in and out of carseats and all lined up to go inside.

 

[GolfingMom]

Not much has changed.
I never thought I'd do time outs but found them usefuls
I also thought BF was the only way to go and found FF worked better for us. That one was a hard one for family to accept but easy for us to accept...go figure.
I had high expectations of kiddo's before having them and continue to have them now.

 

[~Nikki~]

I didn't want to breastfeed (breastfed Benjamin for 17 months before he decided he didn't need it anymore).

Wasn't going to co-sleep (he's still with us, as will the new baby be when he/she arrives).

Was happy to vaccinate, but we stopped Benjamin's after the two month shots when he was ill, and are not giving him any more, and I doubt if we'll vax any other children either.

That's just off the top of my head - if I think of any more I'll post them later.

 

[lucypevensie]

Not a whole lot has changed really. Oh, maybe some silly stuff, but nothing major. The biggest thing I can think of is that we were all prepared to send our child to the public school across the street, but when it came right down to it I just couldn't send her there, and we went with a Christian school instead.

 

[Christdefinesme]

I had an "ideal" of spending time with my kids, without realizing in reality how hard it is to make sure that is happening. The ideal, before having kids was: "they will be able to do their activities, we'll get them involved, we won't deprive them of being involved in things they want to do, we'll be involved in full time ministry, AND we'll spend time together, giving the kids focused attention".
Yeah, right!
Reality is, if you want time together as a fam. you have to limit the activity level, esp if you have quite a few kids!
So, that "good parenting" ideal, has def had a reality check!
There are so many things we have to say "no" to.
(which is difficult for my oldest and my hubby! )

 

[heart of peace]

For me, I held certain expectations of what motherhood entailed. In some ways, being a teacher prior to becoming a mother was a vice and a virtue for me. So when my son arrived out of the womb as a high needs infant and all my experience was specifically related to those children who hit the average middle of the bell curve, I was in for a big surprise! I do owe a lot of the reasons why I suffered through PPD because of my "expectations" that I thought I "knew what I was in for" both in regards to my birthing time and to parenting in general and to my unfortunate circumstances at the time.

I have had to adjust on several areas and I was/am a very anal person so becoming flexible was probably the hardest thing for me to adjust to. However, it has blessed me immeasurably in more ways than motherhood.

Specifically, I did not intend to be an extended breastfeeding mother and I expected I would put him in institutional schooling (I mean, who questions that prior to having your own child?).

 

[E-beth]

Being a career early childhood educator, I have long had a list of stuff the kids in my classes have done that I SWORE my own children would never do.

I find parenting is easy in theory. In practice, though, we have to go by the seat of our pants and think on our feet. LOL Consequently, I don't trust parenting advice from authors or other authorities that have never had children.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

This is all so interesting.

I fully expected to breastfeed my children longer, co sleep with all of them, never use a stroller. I also didn't think twice about vaxing my oldest. Oh and I thought returning to work full time would be easy.

Since then I've realized I had to bend into order to fill the needs of my children. I only co-slept with our oldest and it was only for 7 months. I couldn't even breastfeed with our third at all. I broke down and didn't just use a stroller but a double stroller at that. And returning to work full-time lasted not even two weeks when I realized we needed to find another option. Now I'm at home with my babes.

 

[Leanna]

now I've thought of some things because you guys have inspired me...

Specifically, I did not intend to be an extended breastfeeding mother and I expected I would put him in institutional schooling (I mean, who questions that prior to having your own child?).

I thought when pregnant with David that I would breastfeed for a year.... didn't make it a week.... when pregnant with Maya I wanted to be an extended breastfeeder, but it didn't work out that time either.

I never thought we would homeschool until David was past a year old.

I broke down and didn't just use a stroller but a double stroller at that.

I'm shocked .... haha just kidding

I had an "ideal" of spending time with my kids, without realizing in reality how hard it is to make sure that is happening. The ideal, before having kids was: "they will be able to do their activities, we'll get them involved, we won't deprive them of being involved in things they want to do, we'll be involved in full time ministry, AND we'll spend time together, giving the kids focused attention".
Yeah, right!
Reality is, if you want time together as a fam. you have to limit the activity level, esp if you have quite a few kids!
So, that "good parenting" ideal, has def had a reality check!

That's true for me too... I somehow though that life had more hours in it and we could do it all. Now I happily keep it simple, more simple after adding Maya and while pregnant with #3.... so I can imagine the progression with adding a fourth.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I never thought I would homeschool either. I had never even heard of homeschooling let alone considered it.

 

[Christdefinesme]

A little OT, but I wanted to interject that this is a really cool thread, I think it's really fun to reflect and find how much we change with experiences.......it's really fun reading everyone's thoughts....


You all are so * wise *