How many times should we approach someone for forgiveness after conflict?

[I'm_Sorry]

Hi Brethren,

I'm looking for advise.

How many times are we to approach someone (a brother or sister in Christ) for reconciliation?

I'm asking because my attempts to reconcile or seek forgiveness are being ignored.

What am I to do?

Should I seek forgiveness and reconciliation 70 times 7 to reconcile the conflict?

Matthew 18:21-22
Luke 17:4

It's quite upsetting for my requests for reconciliation to be ignored and the whole conflict is weighing on my soul.

Many thanks,

 

[Left]

If it were me, I'd just let it go if they don't want to talk. Both parties will be happier that way.

 

[seeking.IAM]

The verse has to do with extending forgiveness, not asking for it. Asking for forgiveness 7 x 70 is likely to be seen as an annoyance and be counterproductive. You cannot make someone forgive you. If you have done your part to seek forgiveness, I think you have done your part. In the meantime, pray for the other person, do not become bitter, and remain open to reconciliation when the other party is ready.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

If it were me, I'd just let it go if they don't want to talk. Both parties will be happier that way.

Hey Brother,

I'm not comfortable leaving conflict without reconciliation.

We all have to face the judgment seat, and it will be asked of us, why did you not forgive?

 

[Left]

Hey Brother,

I'm not comfortable leaving conflict without reconciliation.

We all have to face the judgment seat, and it will be asked of us, why did you not forgive?

Trust me bro. Let it go.

 

[paul1149]

70 x 7 is the injunction regarding forgiving, not seeking forgiveness. I would say one sincere apology in generally sufficient. After that it's up to the offended person to forgive. If they don't forgive right away, they may need time to process the issue, and you keeping going to them may be counterproductive. They may perceive it as pressure or grovelling. You've made the effort, now let your peace return to you, and trust God to do what has to be done where we can't reach, in the human heart.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi I'm_Sorry, if you've asked for forgiveness (in earnest), then you've done your bit (so to speak). The ball is now in the court of the person you've asked to forgive you

Matthew 18
21 Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.​

You need to ask for forgiveness again if you sin again, but not again and again for the same sin you've already asked to be forgiven of. The 70 x 7 refers to the one doing the forgiving, not to the one asking to be forgiven.

Yours and His,
David

 

[I'm_Sorry]

The verse has to do with extending forgiveness, not asking for it. Asking for forgiveness 7 x 70 is likely to be seen as an annoyance and be counterproductive. You cannot make someone forgive you. If you have done your part to seek forgiveness, I think you have done your part. In the meantime, pray for the other person, do not become bitter, and remain open to reconciliation when the other party is ready.

Luke 17:4

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

70 x 7 is the injunction regarding forgiving, not seeking forgiveness. I would say one sincere apology in generally sufficient. After that it's up to the offended person to forgive. If they don't forgive right away, they may need time to process the issue, and you keeping going to them may be counterproductive. They may perceive it as pressure or grovelling. You've made the effort, now let your peace return to you, and trust God to do what has to be done where we can't reach, in the human heart.

Luke 17:4

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Hi I'm_Sorry, if you've asked for forgiveness (in earnest), then you've done your bit (so to speak). The ball is now in the court of the person you've asked to forgive you

Matthew 18
21 Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.​

You need to ask for forgiveness again if you sin again, but not again and again for the same sin you've already asked to be forgiven of. The 70 x 7 refers to the one doing the forgiving, not to the one asking to be forgiven.

Yours and His,
David

Hi David,

Thank you,

Luke 17:4

 

[paul1149]

Luke 17:4

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

You don't seem to understand the difference between forgiving and being forgiven. It's a very different dynamic. Many here have pointed that difference out to you. "You have been bought with a price, do not become slaves to men." If they won't forgive, give them the freedom not to do so, and give yourself the freedom to move on. God gives us the freedom to make our own choices, and we should extend that same right to others.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

You don't seem to understand the difference between forgiving and being forgiven. It's a very different dynamic. Many here have pointed that difference out to you. "You have been bought with a price, do not become slaves to men." If they won't forgive, give them the freedom not to do so, and give yourself the freedom to move on. God gives us the freedom to make our own choices, and we should extend that same right to others.

Can you address Luke 17:4 brother?

Am I after 7 attempts to move on?

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hi Brethren,

I'm looking for advise.

How many times are we to approach someone (a brother or sister in Christ) for reconciliation?

I'm asking because my attempts to reconcile or seek forgiveness are being ignored.

What am I to do?

Should I seek forgiveness and reconciliation 70 times 7 to reconcile the conflict?

Matthew 18:21-22
Luke 17:4

It's quite upsetting for my requests for reconciliation to be ignored and the whole conflict is weighing on my soul.

Many thanks,

It depends, if the person isn't receptive to reconciliation the first time,
then give them time and see how it may go for you in six months.
Usually if you happen to be around that person, even in passing you can gauge their reaction(s) to you...if they aren't friendly towards you, don't approach them.
You many find it hard to accept but some people who have been hurt aren't willing to reconcile and sad as that maybe, you should not press them about reconciling
with you.

Continue praying and seeking the Lord's help over the broken relationship.

 

[paul1149]

Can you address Luke 17:4 brother?

Am I after 7 attempts to move on?

You've already fulfilled your responsibilities regarding this verse. You apparently sinned, you went for forgiveness. Where's the deviance from the verse? Not in anything you did or did not do, but in that they did not forgive you.

The ball is in their court, not yours. You did what you were obligated to, they did not comply with scripture. Now it is necessary to abide in the Lord and let your peace return to you. Perhaps in time there will be forgiveness and reconciliation. Great. But if not, you are not enslaved to this relationship, but are free to continue in the grace of the Lord.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

You've already fulfilled your responsibilities regarding this verse. You apparently sinned, you went for forgiveness. Where's the deviance from the verse? Not in anything you did or did not do, but in that they did not forgive you.

The ball is in their court, not yours. You did what you were obligated to, they did not comply with scripture. Now it is necessary to abide in the Lord and let your peace return to you. Perhaps in time there will be forgiveness and reconciliation. Great. But if not, you are not enslaved to this relationship, but are free to continue in the grace of the Lord.

Thank you brother!

 

[St_Worm2]

Biblically, you are to move on after asking for forgiveness the very first time, though we normally tend to be patient with those we have sinned against and give them time to "come around" if they do not do so at first.

If they refuse however, that's on them, and there isn't much you can do (as Paul already mentioned) other than praying for them, because the Lord has made it clear that NOT forgiving someone when they ask you to is sinful in itself (and dangerous, quite frankly):

Matthew 6
11 ‘Give us this day our daily bread.
12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from bevil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.]’
14 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.​

So if you have asked for but not received forgiveness, especially after giving the person you hurt a little time to forgive you, then praying for them may be in order, but continuing to ask them to forgive you for the same sin over and over again is not!!

Yours and His,
David

 

[dogs4thewin]

Hey Brother,

I'm not comfortable leaving conflict without reconciliation.

We all have to face the judgment seat, and it will be asked of us, why did you not forgive?

You cannot make them forgive you once you have asked for forgiveness with genuine regret and remounse it is up to them to forgive and if they choose not to do so that is on them. They will face judgement for that you have done your part. Remember, too that just because one does not expressly say that they have forgiven you does not mean that he or she has not, but at the end of the day you have done your part the rest is on them.