how many exs?

[TheyCallMeDavid]

hey guys!
repost from the singles forum
didn't really get any responses on there. (well not very much). http://www.christianforums.com/t7776351/

I would also like some input in terms of those married, how your experience was. (whether you are happily married, not, separated, etc it's all relevant)

In your opinion what is the number of exs a future, or current significant other can have, until you consider it to be a consideration, or stumbling block?

I've been talking to this girl whom ive known for a few years now, she's pretty, intelligent, caring, smart, confident, lively, and quite mature.

she is a christian, however she has never been single for any length of time since 7th grade. she is quite attractive hence why she always has boys chasing after her. She has had a number of ex boyfriends, some of whom are still in the same city.

my question to you, is how many does it take until it gives you something to think about, something to consider?

She has said that she is still a virgin, which I have no reason to doubt, but I guess what I am concerned with is the emotional baggage from these relationships, and particularly the fact that she has been the one to break up with all of her ex boyfriends (she has never been at the receiving end of a breakup).

There is nothing to suggest that she broke up with them because they wanted to get sexual with her. (in fact she said that none of them tried anything). (which i find hard to believe, since.. well from personal experience the guys are always trying something, particularly in the hormonal, adolescent years)

I have somewhat believed that the more people you date, the more you are practicing for divorce. (in the sense of breaking it off when a hiccup comes, instead of trying to work it out).

The ex's of these boyfriends have set the bar quite high early on in terms of her expectations of what the boyfriend has to do, (in effect she has been spoiled).

Is that somewhat of a consideration, or is that something every boyfriend or girlfriend should do..

I have to say when I was in highschool and was dating a girl, I did try and spoil her, but those days were years ago and I have become somewhat jaded with the notion of spoiling girls. I think it is somewhat because of my purposive change from the 'nice guy 24/7', to the 'confident, no pushover guy who can still be nice'.

Let me know what you all think!

A person can be divorced just once, and have some baggage that should cause a red flag ... you dont have to be divorced 6 times . One of THE most major things is : HOW WELL have they been at admitting their mistakes in the now failed marriage and what help and healing theyve gotton to be Overcomers, otherwise taking those problems into a new relationship or marriage will occur. Some people have never once gotton some counselling over major issues thats occured to them in life and instead they try to tough it out themselves or bury them., only the will resurface later on with someone new.

The best book for someone like yourself is the best seller book : Finding the love of your Life, by Dr. Neil Clark Warren which takes you thru the top 7 mistakes people make when marrying someone. VERY objective and of great value. Get it on www.amazon.com used copy very cheap.

 

[seeingeyes]

she is a christian, however she has never been single for any length of time since 7th grade.

This is the part that caught my eye.

I don't know that an exact count means very much, especially, as others have pointed out, in terms of kiddy relationships, but the fact that she's never been without a boyfriend of some sort is a little troubling. It signals insecurity.

The fact of the matter is that we all change a bit when we are with someone else. Healthy compromise is good, overhauling your personality to impress someone else is bad, but either way, we are changed. So the question that I would ask is: Who is this girl when she doesn't have a man around?

I wonder if she knows...

 

[LinkH]

In your opinion what is the number of exs a future, or current significant other can have, until you consider it to be a consideration, or stumbling block?

I'm married, btw. But I'll share my advice. How many to be a consideration? One. How many to be a dealbreaker? No particular number.

My wife had had a few boyfriends counting puppy love relationships. She did have a long-term boyfriend that was caught doing inappropriate things with another girl a few months before we met. It irritated me that she'd remember him and talk about him sometimes. But eventually she stopped doing that.

she is a christian, however she has never been single for any length of time since 7th grade. she is quite attractive hence why she always has boys chasing after her. She has had a number of ex boyfriends, some of whom are still in the same city.

You mention it below. Our dating culture is training for divorce. So yes that would be a concern. But there is so much more to a woman than her dating history. If she's had some kind of realization and suddenly matured to be the type of woman who could commit to marry, then maybe her dating past is not a big deal. I'm responding to the OP, and I don't know if you've mentioned your ages. If your both 19, it's different from if you are 30.

If you do date seriously, or even if you are just friends, talking about the pitfalls of dating, and how dating trains for divorce to make her think may be helpful.

She has said that she is still a virgin, which I have no reason to doubt, but I guess what I am concerned with is the emotional baggage from these relationships, and particularly the fact that she has been the one to break up with all of her ex boyfriends (she has never been at the receiving end of a breakup).

Constant boyfriends from 7th grade up until what age? 15, 30? It could be reason to be a bit skeptical. Have you caught her in any lies at all, even little 'white lies' to children? I'd be checking for honesty on this one. You could also give off the vibe that if she isn't a virgin, it's no big deal and then see if she'll open up.

Of course, I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who wanted to marry a virgin and did. But even if you don't share that perspective, you wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't honest about these things.

I have somewhat believed that the more people you date, the more you are practicing for divorce. (in the sense of breaking it off when a hiccup comes, instead of trying to work it out).

That and awakening love before the proper time, and tying yourself up emotionally with others in ways you shouldn't.