How long were you separated and what was the outcome?

[Sugarjay]

Here is my brief story, the longer one can be found at the link below:

http://www.christianforums.com/t3152334-my-wife-has-moved-out-my-story-in-short-prayers-needed.html

My wife and I have been together for 7.5 years and married for 5.75. Neither of us were Christians when we got married. I only because one and born again after she left me. My wife has many issues from the past ranging for sexual abuse to abandonment from her mother. Both parents have been married and divorced several times. During our relationship I have been to jealous, and controlling. She has been too selfish and needy. Both of us have done wrong. I have not cheated and trust she has not either. I am 32 and she is 33.

On her B-Day she told me she does not see any alternative than us getting a divorce. I was shocked. I knew things were not good but I had NO idea. I love my wife and would not ever think of divorcing her. On July 1st she moved out into her own apt. The apt is 30 min. from our house. We have a 3 year old son and we split custody 50/50. Although I seem to have him more often because her family does not seem to be her highest priority. I do not mind though as I love my son so very much and we have a wonderful bond.

Now to my question. I was wondering if those of you who have been separated could tell me how long you actually separated before you either got divorced or reconciled? I am also looking for any advice any of you may have as I want my family back.

thank you and God Bless!

 

[Autumnleaf]

Separated 6 months until we got back together.

 

[Sugarjay]

Separated 6 months until we got back together.

I am so happy you got back together. God Bless and good luck.

 

[madison1101]

I was separated, not by choice, for 4 months before my husband filed for divorce. The divorce became final 15 months later. My divorce was final in 2002.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I am so happy you got back together. God Bless and good luck.

Thanks. It was a tough time we were fortunate to get back together.

 

[SaintBerzerker]

This is my first post on here, but my heart broke for ya, bro...so figured I'd chime in.

I'm 31, me and my wife were together since we were 22 and 23. She left me about 2 years ago. I really thought God was going to intervene and stop the divorce before it happened, but HE didn't. It was final a month ago or so. There were a lot of delays and little things that I thought were "signs" and all, but didn't turn out that way.

Have I given up? Amazingly, no...lol. I still believe she is my wife and that God has called me to stand for her. Over the past 2 years I tried "moving on" by dating, etc...but it all was disasterous, and I just feel a tug from God to keep going.

I'm a different person now then I was then. I have 2 little kids too.

Man, I really hope yours doesn't take long, but ask God to give you the grace to handle any length of time. It's a hard road. I really don't have any advice for you except that you need to show her that you're a changed man. That works wonders with women...

 

[Sugarjay]

Thanks SaintBerzerker,

I pray that God answers your prayers. If it does not work out for you, I is because God loves you and knows that if you were to continue in the relationship you only would have been hurt to a greater degree in the future. That is the way I am trying to look at my situation as well.

I am starting to move on with my life w/o her. I do things with friends and family and I do not call/email her unless it deals with our son. I do get lonly and depressed at times but the times are less and less and shorter in duration. My hardest time seems to be while at work. Probably cux I sit in a cube all by myself and my thoughts

I have faith God will answer my prayers that he knows are best for me. Trust and Faith are what I need now. And Patience

 

[SaintBerzerker]

I know how you feel. It's still hard for me. It does get very lonely, even when I'm with family.

Dating and stuff didn't help. It made it worse...at least in my case. I just ask God every day to guide my heart where He wants it to go. If it's to "get on with it" or "stand for her". There have been times when I though God was saying "just move on"...and I was at peace with it...but it just didn't last long. That's happened a bunch, but always comes to me desiring my marriage again. Whenever I just pray or start reading the Word a lot, that's when I get the urge to stand for my marriage...so that's why I believe God is telling me to do THAT.

I just know that if I'm asking and wanting God's direction, wherever it goes, that HE HAS to do it, because He promised that help.

My biggest fear is doing the WRONG thing...lol...sometimes I just don't know what to do. Move on or Stand for my marriage (though it's legally over).

Anyhow, it's a rough ride, but I know it won't last forever. I've been through some gut wrenching stuff before and it lasted a little while, but in the end ,the pain ended...and I know this will too!

 

[ginnyc]

the first time my husband seperated from me it was about 2 months before he came back... 2 1/2 yrs later he has left again and it's been 15 weeks so far, but I am still praying and believing in God that in his time he will restore my marriage.

 

[novi12]

Dear Sugarjay after u'll changing the religion waht u'll have doen regarding your marriage. Did u'll get marriage in the church? This counts for Lords Blessing on u'll. Seconldy regarding your inlaws just pray for them. Jay go for confession and surrender urself to Lord and surrender ur wife to lord. He will blees u'll and give ur wife understand and peace of mind to come back to you. You just cahnge yourself by surending yourself and humbling urself. Talk to your wife and try to spend time wiht her along wiht ur son. help her at all times and m sure u'll be back. Its the devil who has entered in ur wife so u should pray to lord. Give thanks and praises to him avery now and then. Lord jesus I pray to Pour your Precious Blood on jay's wife and forgive her. Do not let santan enter their life. Seperation is the Devil's work. Heal jay's wife internally and give her peace of mind to come to you. Put in her mind to come back to her Husband. Bless jay and his wife and through you precious Blodd untie them lord. I ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen

 

[novi12]

Dear Saintberzerker thank for standing for your wife as God will Bless u and change ur wife's mind to come back to you. Keep beliveing the Lord and have faith and patience. Lord Bless Saintberzerker and unite him n his wife again. Nothing is impossible wiht u Lord have mercy on them and bring them together. I ask this to jesus Christ our lord.
Amen

 

[SaintBerzerker]

Dear Saintberzerker thank for standing for your wife as God will Bless u and change ur wife's mind to come back to you. Keep beliveing the Lord and have faith and patience. Lord Bless Saintberzerker and unite him n his wife again. Nothing is impossible wiht u Lord have mercy on them and bring them together. I ask this to jesus Christ our lord.
Amen

Thanks Novi...I was feeling a lil down and I logged on and saw your response....made me feel better

 

[novi12]

Saintberzerber trust Jesus and have complete faith that u have got what u asked for.. surrender urself and forgive those who has hurt u and pray for ur enmies and ur wife n see the Lords hand will be on u always. Lord deliver saint's wife from all evil n bring her back to him Amen

 

[free4all]

Sugarjay,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through now. I can't offer much, but I can answer your questions.

I was wondering if those of you who have been separated could tell me how long you actually separated before you either got divorced or reconciled?

We were separated 6 months, during which time I had a court order written that required her to attend counseling with me. She went twice and then quit. I was unable to enforce it, and she had no interest. We did get back together (that was 6 years ago) but our marriage has been in an almost steady state of decline since then. There have been some recent rays of hope, but she is quite good at discarding them like last week's trash.

I am also looking for any advice any of you may have as I want my family back.

I'm no expert obviously, but from what you've described, I am not optimistic for your marriage unless you both get some good Christian counseling.

 

[Southern Cross]

4-5 months. I had my own place. When she asked me to come back, I did so willingly only to find out it was to alleviate financial hardship. The main reason for the separation was due to an affair and to save my sanity. She wanted the separation anyway.

We get along, but things are really stagnant. It's like a switch was flicked off when the news of the affairs was shared, and I haven't been able to turn things back on again. But we're working on it.

Looking back, I probably should have stayed outside of my home for at least a year. Just a few months is not really time for BOTH parties to work out their issues. Even if one spouse is willing to get back together, they still need more time sometimes.

If we didn't have children that I love dearly and never want to see hurt, this marriage would've been over when I moved out. But I'm actually thankful that we stuck it out. If we divorced at that point, in my state of mind, I would have been like a kid in a candy store with other women, and that would not have been good. As much as I'd hate to say it, divorce is still a possibility. She talks about it sometimes and it just gets to me. But at least my relationship with the Lord is where it needs to be, so even if it happens, I won't be out there hunting for other women.

It also takes a while once you are back together to get along. It can be a long process. If you are committed to this marriage, then just be prepared for a few years of working on it after you get back together.

I know I sound kind of depressing about this. I can safely say that GOD DOES NOT WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO END, and that you are blessed to have time to still work things out. Take full advantage of that. Some of the restored marriages I have seen among friends are very strong, vibrant and filled with love and respect. Anything is possible.

 

[Sugarjay]

4-5 months. I had my own place. When she asked me to come back, I did so willingly only to find out it was to alleviate financial hardship. The main reason for the separation was due to an affair and to save my sanity. She wanted the separation anyway.

We get along, but things are really stagnant. It's like a switch was flicked off when the news of the affairs was shared, and I haven't been able to turn things back on again. But we're working on it.

Looking back, I probably should have stayed outside of my home for at least a year. Just a few months is not really time for BOTH parties to work out their issues. Even if one spouse is willing to get back together, they still need more time sometimes.

If we didn't have children that I love dearly and never want to see hurt, this marriage would've been over when I moved out. But I'm actually thankful that we stuck it out. If we divorced at that point, in my state of mind, I would have been like a kid in a candy store with other women, and that would not have been good. As much as I'd hate to say it, divorce is still a possibility. She talks about it sometimes and it just gets to me. But at least my relationship with the Lord is where it needs to be, so even if it happens, I won't be out there hunting for other women.

It also takes a while once you are back together to get along. It can be a long process. If you are committed to this marriage, then just be prepared for a few years of working on it after you get back together.

I know I sound kind of depressing about this. I can safely say that GOD DOES NOT WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO END, and that you are blessed to have time to still work things out. Take full advantage of that. Some of the restored marriages I have seen among friends are very strong, vibrant and filled with love and respect. Anything is possible.

my update in brief,

Wife moved out July 1st. We had a 6 month contract to not seek divorce. Well after 1 month she said what is the point, she is not changing her mind. She spoke with an attorney and we already went over the marital settlement agreement. I told her she has to file as i will not. If she does file, I will sign the papers. If this is what she wants, there is nothing I can do to change it. I pray for her everyday and only God can save this marriage. I have hope but is is diminishing day by day. I keep asking myself if I even want her back as she has changed into a conlpetly diff. person. A person I do not like. Only God knows what will happen. I pray he carries me through this rough time in my life. I pray he carries all of you thgough this time as well.

Thank you and God Bless!!!

 

[jessesgirl]

My exhusband I were seperated for 4 months before I filed for divorce and our divorce was final three months later. Of course it helped that my aunt is a paralegal and got my case in quickly with the lawyer she worked with. I think by the time I finally filed for divorce (we were married for two years), my family was so afraid I would reconsider (as many abused women do) and go back that they pushed for a quick divorce. My advice to you if you are at the end (and I will probably get yelled at for this!!!) and you truly see no other way to salvage the marriage, file for temporary custody of your son because USUALLY (I know not always, but usually) whoever files for temporary custody ends up having more say so in the final custody situation. I will keep you in my prayers and all I can say is stay strong in the Lord and keep your eyes on Him, He can do all things and He can bring you through this as peacefully as possible. God bless you!