Simple question how long would you consider to be too long to wait for an engagement we are both mid twentys and dating for coming up 5 years
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How long is too long to wait for an engagement :)
- Thread starter Waffles007
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mina
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For myself, anything longer than a year was too long. We either knew we wanted to be together or not by then and there were no future goals that would have prompted us to wait any longer such as finishing education or getting a certain job, etc... We had similar beliefs, money habits, little to no debt and got to see each other in a wide variety of situations, moods, got to know each other's families, etc....and were talking about afuture with each other within a year. We got engaged about a year and a week or so from first dating and married 8 months later.
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athenken
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IMHO 5 years is way too long. Of course this forces you to take a look at your original approach to dating. If you are just dating to have a relationship, as most of the people in the country do, then it is no wonder you have dated for so long. But if you take a more biblical approach to it you would use dating as basically at filtering process to find the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. You should know rather quickly, unless the other party is willfully hiding something, whether or not they are the one. One way to quickly flesh this out is to attend pre-engagement counseling with a trusted pastor. A good counselor will have you take in-depth personality tests to find out how you see yourselfs and how you see each other to find out how well you know each other.
My wife and I dated for roughly 7 - 8 months before getting engaged, then were married exactly a year after we started dating. We started pre-engagement counseling only a couple months after we started dating. We were, however, friends for about 4 years prior to dating, so we already knew each other pretty well before we started.
My wife and I dated for roughly 7 - 8 months before getting engaged, then were married exactly a year after we started dating. We started pre-engagement counseling only a couple months after we started dating. We were, however, friends for about 4 years prior to dating, so we already knew each other pretty well before we started.
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We are both committed Christians not living together and not having sex just putting that out there too
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Oh, so you're just best friends
That's too long to date someone at that age. Break up, go meet other people.
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athenken
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That is great. Truly. Though, if you are questioning whether or not you should be married then I suggest it is time for some pre-engagement counseling. If you guys are compatible and ready for marriage, great, if not then it may be time to move on.
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mina
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So were we and my answer still stands. I think people know after being together about year; if it's taking "years" for you to know if you should be together in marriage or not then either you aren't together very much or you are never going to be ready.
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K9_Trainer
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I'd have to agree. If you want to get married, not just be a very long term girlfriend, and that's important to you, then I think 5 years is kinda stretching it unless there are some obscure circumstances that don't allow you to get married or you started dating at a young age. I think it's always important to discuss intentions when you get into a relationship to make sure you both are on the same page.
Do you know why he hasn't proposed? Have you talked about it with him?
Do you know why he hasn't proposed? Have you talked about it with him?
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we have def talked Bout it he is just not ready though is starting to feel more ready and is talking more about it this year more than last year say
He also gave me Promise ring about a year and a half ago as reassurance that we would get married
He has finished a degree got a fulltime job and moved outta home since we have been dating ao he's had a lot of changes and I admire him for wanting to be financially stable And independent before getting married
Is it a matter of me being impatient ? As he is different than last year towards it and talks more about it seems more excited
Maybe it is nerves ?
He also gave me Promise ring about a year and a half ago as reassurance that we would get married
He has finished a degree got a fulltime job and moved outta home since we have been dating ao he's had a lot of changes and I admire him for wanting to be financially stable And independent before getting married
Is it a matter of me being impatient ? As he is different than last year towards it and talks more about it seems more excited
Maybe it is nerves ?
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iambren
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He IS ready to be a man, step up to the plate and make a decision NOW. Good work, home, promise ring are all appeasement. He owes you an answer at this time. After all, it is YOUR life on the line here.
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S
susie1979
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Honestly my husband and I got married a yr after dating. 5 yrs seems too long. We both need to talk about this issue. Cause if u all are just friends then it time to move on. There has to be a answer why after 5 yrs ur not married. Good luck! And im praying!
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K9_Trainer
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I don't think you're being impatient.
He's got a degree, he's got a job, he's got his own place, there's really no reason to keep stalling at this point. A lot of couples get married while they're still completing school and they find a way to have a place of their own and make it work.
Sounds like he's unsure. I think you need to dig deeper to find out why he's hesitant about getting married.
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You should be ready to get married before you start to date. If you or him aren't financially, spiritually, and physically stable and ready to enter a marriage, then don't enter a courtship. The whole point of courting is to have a purpose for dating.
I suggest that if you or him aren't ready to get married or are waiting on something, you should break it off until you are ready. Right now it is evident that it is affecting your emotions, and that isn't good. It affects the purpose of your courtship, which is to serve Jesus Christ together.
I suggest that if you or him aren't ready to get married or are waiting on something, you should break it off until you are ready. Right now it is evident that it is affecting your emotions, and that isn't good. It affects the purpose of your courtship, which is to serve Jesus Christ together.
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We both started dating as we knew it would lead to marriage as we dont believe in dating for the sake of it
Is it not possible for a guy to just not be ready EVEN after this amount of time
He talks about marriage his sentences are always when we get married or when we do this in our future etx
He just wants it to be the right time etc but he is sure of me ao maybe I just need to learn patience ?
Is it not possible for a guy to just not be ready EVEN after this amount of time
He talks about marriage his sentences are always when we get married or when we do this in our future etx
He just wants it to be the right time etc but he is sure of me ao maybe I just need to learn patience ?
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So this was posted back in December...any update?
I don't think 5 years is "too long." Every relationship is different. People move at different paces. Some people take longer to open up. Sometimes life is crazy and you need to wait. School is usually a factor in timing. No one can give you a timeline for how YOUR relationship should go.
I do think you should talk to him about it though. I think it's very important that you are honest about being ready and that he needs to be honest and explain why he doesn't think he's ready yet. It sounds like he wants to marry you. Maybe he is struggling with something you guys need to discuss. Are his parents divorced?
It sounds like you've been patient. 5 years is not impatient. Love is patient. I wouldn't put him on a time line like some would suggest. I would ask for openness and honesty about the issue.
I don't think 5 years is "too long." Every relationship is different. People move at different paces. Some people take longer to open up. Sometimes life is crazy and you need to wait. School is usually a factor in timing. No one can give you a timeline for how YOUR relationship should go.
I do think you should talk to him about it though. I think it's very important that you are honest about being ready and that he needs to be honest and explain why he doesn't think he's ready yet. It sounds like he wants to marry you. Maybe he is struggling with something you guys need to discuss. Are his parents divorced?
It sounds like you've been patient. 5 years is not impatient.
Love is patient. I wouldn't put him on a time line like some would suggest. I would ask for openness and honesty about the issue.
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SiyoNqoba
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I think it depends on the couple.
My husband and I had been dating for 3 years when we got engaged (we got married 8 months later). By that point, I was pretty sick of waiting. But, oddly, when he proposed, my first fleeting thought was "But I don't know if I'm ready!" lol. After all that waiting, I just couldn't believe it was finally happening.
What I did with my husband was sit him down and ask him "Do you have any plans to marry me? And if so, when?" He told me he wanted to get married within the next 18 months. I then stopped asking about it (I'd been nagging him almost non-stop), but had in my head that if he hadn't proposed by 3 weeks after our 4-year dating anniversary, I'd break up with him.
Not bringing it up all the time was the hardest part. But sure enough, about 9 or 10 months after that conversation, he proposed. We got married 8 months later.
I think the key was that I knew he had a plan. I knew he was going to propose to me, and I knew he knew around about when. If we'd had that discussion and he'd said "Yeah... just not yet" and left it at that, I might not have given him as long as I did.
My husband and I had been dating for 3 years when we got engaged (we got married 8 months later). By that point, I was pretty sick of waiting. But, oddly, when he proposed, my first fleeting thought was "But I don't know if I'm ready!" lol. After all that waiting, I just couldn't believe it was finally happening.
What I did with my husband was sit him down and ask him "Do you have any plans to marry me? And if so, when?" He told me he wanted to get married within the next 18 months. I then stopped asking about it (I'd been nagging him almost non-stop), but had in my head that if he hadn't proposed by 3 weeks after our 4-year dating anniversary, I'd break up with him.
Not bringing it up all the time was the hardest part. But sure enough, about 9 or 10 months after that conversation, he proposed. We got married 8 months later.
I think the key was that I knew he had a plan. I knew he was going to propose to me, and I knew he knew around about when. If we'd had that discussion and he'd said "Yeah... just not yet" and left it at that, I might not have given him as long as I did.
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I am in a very similar position as above. I have been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years. Keep in we started dating when we were both still in high schol, then i went to college, and he joined the military. Last July we discussed getting engaged again (we had always made it clear that' what we wanted but this was a much more serious conversation about it). He said he wanted to be engaged within a year and a half. If we hadn't talked and he hadn't given me some kind of idea of what he was thinking I would be going crazy right now asking myself why he hadn't proposed or if it was ever going to happen...Thankfully now I know I can expect a proposal before December. If he didn't propose by the end of the year though, I know I could go to him and ask him what's going on.
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Update!
I made a promise to myself that if he hadnt proposed by end of may this year that I would end things as ita just getting to log for me to put my life on hold any longer
I wasn't planning on telling him of that descion but I blurted it out in an argument one night toward start of year sp he now knows about it
He has said to me that it will happen before end of may which is exciting but guess I can't feel 100% excited till it happens
But that's the latest will update again in a month!
Tha k's for all your advice and help!
I made a promise to myself that if he hadnt proposed by end of may this year that I would end things as ita just getting to log for me to put my life on hold any longer
I wasn't planning on telling him of that descion but I blurted it out in an argument one night toward start of year sp he now knows about it
He has said to me that it will happen before end of may which is exciting but guess I can't feel 100% excited till it happens
But that's the latest will update again in a month!
Tha k's for all your advice and help!
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I talked to a man who was in an international relationship for years and years-- a really long time. He went back for a masters degree, got a good job, and bought a home. He thought he had to do all that before he got married. One year, he was really busy with school and jury duty, and his girlfriend met another guy and got married. He's been depressed on and off since about it, beating himself up for not proposing sooner.
Maybe your boyfriend has had some specific financial goals in mind to meet before proposing. I think a good job, enough money for the wedding and honeymoon, and faith in God to provide is enough.
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