how long does it take?

[livin4christ9203]

how long did it take for you guys to get to the point where you could do everyday t hings again. Right now i can hardly eat or sleep or watch tv or do anything I normally do. EVERYTHING reminds me of my husband or soon to be ex. I so want to watch the tv shows and listen to the music I like without constantly being remdinded of him. It's so hard when you watch everything turn upside down in just 2 weeks time.

For those of you who have remarried or are dating.. how long did it take you to start dating again? talking to other's even?

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Well Livin,
I don't think I went through the "normal" process of being depressed after my husband left. I still went to work (I missed one day the first time but that was it) and still played with my daughter and pretended everything is fine. I still wonder if I'm going to crash sometime when it becomes real to me, but for now I focus on friends and family. I found a great deal of support from friends and family and that may be what you need too. Don't sit around by yourself unless that's what you need to heal. If it's not helping you heal then get out even for a walk and surround yourself with positive people. If you even need to talk feel free to pm me. Take care of yourself.

 

[livin4christ9203]

Thanks! Well, the hard part is that I don't work and everyone else does. having my world turned upside down in 2 weeks has just been devastating. I am definitely surrounding myself with family and friends from church. Trying to get involved with things again. But I hate that I don't even want to watch a tv show because it reminds me of him.. but everything does.

 

[jessesgirl]

and everything will...for a little while. i don't think i ever really went through that "normal" process, either. I started a new job the morning i left him. I also dove into getting involved at church...i kept myself busy doing new things...finding new shows to watch, new songs to sing.I didn't even think about dating until a year after my divorce was finalized (which was 6 months after i left, three after i filed) and my hubby now was the first guy i really dated...i gave God total control of my life because, the way things had gone, I had no right to have control. Now, three years later He is still in control and I am happily remarried with our new baby boy!

The biggest advice I can give you is that if you are sure that filing is the best thing for you, do it as quickly as possible, The longer you wait, the harder it will be. It will still be difficult to file right away, but so much easier than if you wait. I waited the first time I left my ex husband and ended up back with him for a few more months of abuse before I left for good. That is the first big step in the healing process..at least it was for me.Anyhow, I have rambled enough....still here if you want to chat And in the meantime, I am praying for you!

 

[livin4christ9203]

Thanks! It means a lot! I'm going on Saturday to file. I've canceled 3 times.. but since the talk didn't do anything.. i have no choice. If my husband wants to be with me.. he either has to do some major decision making and changing quick before saturday or I dont know what to tell him. I really don't want a divorce.. but he hasn't left me with any other options. I know he's gonna regret what he did. I figure filing will either wake him up or he won't care.. one or the other.

I'm diving into church activities, however just the act of watching tv or movies makes me upset.. I'm not even hardly eating.

 

[jessesgirl]

If watching television or movies upset you, read a book! To me, books are far more entertaining anyhow!

Eat little, healthy snacks. They won't give you that sluggish feeling that other stuff will. Apples, carrots and ranch (yum!)....stuff like that won't weigh you down and you will be getting your nutrients too. Your appetite will come back, I had to be force-fed for a couple of months before I started eating like I should again. It will all come together in time..just remember it comes together in HIS time, not ours.

 

[livin4christ9203]

It's just so hard for me to see how i'm ever gonna get through this.. we have been together for 8 years.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

It's never easy to let go of someone you love. Remind yourself that it's normal to grieve the end of a relationship and give yourself time. You do need to take care of yourself (I told myself that if I didn't, nobody else would, so I did it - it felt empowering). I didn't really want my husband to know what he did to me. I mean, I told him that it hurt bad and cried and all that when I found out about his affairs but after that I felt like I have to be at my best to take this on so that means physically and mentally. I'm trying to get more exercise and also eat better. If nothing else it gives me strength and mental clairity to deal with the things I need to. There is a direct link between mood/eating/activity so the best thing you can do is to be active and eat healthy. Best of luck

 

[livin4christ9203]

I feel so depressed.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I know Livin,
Hope this makes you feel better

 

[livin4christ9203]

I want to feel stronger.. I want this numbness and pain to go away.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Have faith that it will. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to get over that pain. It's ok to hurt.

 

[livin4christ9203]

I just can't stand it.. this pain is awful

 

[jessesgirl]

yes, it is. I really think that divorce can be as painful or worse than the death of a spouse simply because you know that person is still alive in the world...without you. It hurts and it hurts bad, but you will get through it and soon you will see the light @ the end of the tunnel. That light is that Jesus has a GREAT BIG, HUGE plan for your life...an INCREDIBLE plan that is so wonderful that only HE could have come up with it! And the good news is...YOU get to live that plan! It will get better, I promise! Saying another little prayer for you!

 

[livin4christ9203]

yes, it is. I really think that divorce can be as painful or worse than the death of a spouse simply because you know that person is still alive in the world...without you. It hurts and it hurts bad, but you will get through it and soon you will see the light @ the end of the tunnel. That light is that Jesus has a GREAT BIG, HUGE plan for your life...an INCREDIBLE plan that is so wonderful that only HE could have come up with it! And the good news is...YOU get to live that plan! It will get better, I promise! Saying another little prayer for you!

would you mind talking with me on messenger or something? since you seem to know what i'm going through.. and have been there.. being the same age as me and all. PM me if you can.

 

[jessesgirl]

I PM'ed you with my sign in information for yahoo...I also messaged you if you are kate

 

[Positivethinking]

You need to start feeding yourself positive thoughts and feelings! You are making yourself sick over what he did that you had no control of! LOVE yourself! Start by thanking God for what you do have and that will make you feel good.
The hurt will be there for awhile but you can allow yourself happiness as well.
God bless you!!!

 

[4Christ2]

Livin,

I have a couple of questions. Please forgive me if I've missed something you shared before.

If you don't want a divorce and your husband doesn't want a divorce; then why are you seeking the divorce? Again, maybe you've answered this already and I missed it and for that I'm sorry - but what about christian, godly counselling? Pastor or elder counseling from your church? I'm just trying to understand the need for divorce now. It doesn't sound like you are ready for it.

And to answer your question about how long. When my husband divorced me in December of 2005, I thought I would die from the pain of it. I went into a severe depression and wound up hospitalized for almost a month because I became suicidal. By God's grace, I am managing day by day to get stronger; but that strength is coming only through the Lord. He is who we must seek for healing.

Love, Sis 4C

 

[Prodigal7]

When I got divorced I had about two years of depression.

Several things helped me managed but not eliminate the pain.

1) Exercise. Moving around helps fight depression. Depression's normal game plan is to shut you down.

2) I rejoined the church. I was a "go it alone" Christian for a long time. I decided to break my isolation.

3) I shared my feelings on a website similar to this. It was called brokenhearts.com. I don't think it's around anymore. I would have been better off with a Christian site like this.

4) I got a counselor. My divorce was insane and broke apart my belief system for a while. Talking with another person helped me. Also, having my counselor helped me not talk about my problems at work or other inappropriate places.

5) I prayed a lot. Though, back then in my insanity, I argued with God as much as I praised him. I felt like Jacob wrestling with God. I was full of anger and I thought this whole "divorce" thing stank.

There was no shortcut to the pain. I actually was looking for a rebound because I wanted to take a pass on the pain. Instead I had three straight years totally alone before I met my new Significant Other.

I think I'm about 98% healed and almost ready to spin the marriage wheel again. I know I need God in my corner to make it work.

Good Luck

 

[livin4christ9203]

well.. actually my husband and I are back together. There were a lot of factors.. and I was ready to file. But God did finally get through to my husband.. Praise God!